HangingInThere Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Over the years i have realized that i am high maintenance, but only now it is driving me 'insane'! Just to give you an example, would you be bothered if your s/o doesn't call you as soon as s/he wakes in the morning, but go to the internet instead! For some odd reason that bothers me! i mean I am busy working and whanot at the time he is now waking up...but i like to know that I am that much on his mind that he NEEDS to call me first thing! I'll give more examples of my HM ways as this thread progress! Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Hanging in there - NO, it would not bother me if my bf didn't call me when he first woke up. May I ask.....how old are you? Link to comment
rose2summer Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Wow!!! That is high maintenance . Remember your partner has a life of their own, so you cannot be the center of attention 24/7. When you were growing up, were you an only child or the youngest child? Hugs, Rose Link to comment
Massari Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Over the years i have realized that i am high maintenance, but only now it is driving me 'insane'! Just to give you an example, would you be bothered if your s/o doesn't call you as soon as s/he wakes in the morning, but go to the internet instead! For some odd reason that bothers me! i mean I am busy working and whanot at the time he is now waking up...but i like to know that I am that much on his mind that he NEEDS to call me first thing! I'll give more examples of my HM ways as this thread progress! well unfortunately I am like that.. but I am the guy version of you!!! when you mentioned HM I thought money wise but this is not HM, to many ppl this considered clingy... and we will suffer from it. my gf calls me every morning and when sometimes she doesn't and instead goes on link removed it pisses me off!!! Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 I dont consider that HM instead I would say that is more like controlling the other person. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 High-maintenance is one of those terms that could mean different things to different people. What some people might consider high maintenance, others might. The example you give, though, tells me you have a very big desire to be everything to your S/O, to the point where you are the very first thought that pops into his mind every single day of his life. Usually, such desires/needs are based on accute insecurity. Are there areas in your relationship you feel insecure about? Link to comment
chai714 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 That's not HM, that's being needy. Needy people always feel as if they can't get enough assurance from their S/O that they're wanted. This usually stems from being an insecure person. Now that you've recognized your behavior pattern, what can you do? Train yourself and keep your mind occupied. Remember that neediness is a very unattractive trait. Link to comment
Massari Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Are there areas in your relationship you feel insecure about? definitely.. yes I do feel insecure.. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 I dont consider that HM instead I would say that is more like controlling the other person. I agree with this, too. I also think the need to control people and events is also based on insecurity. So, this could all point to a larger issue in you, something inside you that really needs to have control over your boyfriend and how he feels about you. Sometimes, this need for control can also go way back to childhood, especially if there was a lot of instability. That can instill a great need for control as an adult. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 I'm the opposite. I like that my boyfriend goes on the internet to do fantasy baseball on yahoo in the morning and is completely focused on that instead of me. It's good to know that he is passionate and interested in other things other than me -makes him a more interesting person. Link to comment
HangingInThere Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 I am not insecure.....I have a lot going for me, i have great family & friends, I am busy at work - great career. I juts like the fact that I am the center of my s/o attention. He was single for over a year and he told me early on he became very introverted due to that and he has to start thinking in relationship mode again. I am not going to have a convo with him about not being that 1st call in the AM. So maybe I shouldnt have said it bothers me, but I like that attention Its funny, because i really don't have to talk to him, I just like to know that he is showing me attention.....he even complain to me that i do not call him enough and he puts in most of the calls throughout the day...so i tried to change that early this week.... but i start feeling weird that i know he started his day and haven't thought about hearing my voice! I can't describe it! btw, HM can mean a lot of different things, it doesn't necessarily have to do with money...and yes, I am the youngest - i have an older brother! Oh , he tells me I am spoil and I have been spoiled by many ppl (ex's, family and friends) Link to comment
Scout Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Well...I hate to say this...but perhaps you are a bit spoiled and self-centered. The good news if you are even questioning these things, there's hope you can change. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Its funny, because i really don't have to talk to him, I just like to know that he is showing me attention.....he even complain to me that i do not call him enough and he puts in most of the calls throughout the day...so i tried to change that early this week.... In my humble opinion that sounds a bit controlling and self-absorbed - it is your problem that he should not be subjected to by being on a short leash and having to call you to reassure you. Rather you should work on -and resolve - this level of neediness. Do you really want to hear from him not knowing whether he is calling out of some sort of obligation? Hey - if this works for him more power to the both of you. I think you may get what you want and then wish you never asked for it because a man who would put up with that likely is a bit of a doormat. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Did he used to call every morning? Link to comment
HangingInThere Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 i was just having a moment....he called a few minutes ago...had an emergency with his family member! i'm that girl...yes he calls every morning/afternoon before he leaves to go to work! again, i was just having a moment - i guess I grew accustomed to him doing that and it didn't happen tis morning, so i was a bit antsy Controlling? not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have never demanded anything from him ( i think these things, but never express them to him...becuz I know how type asinine it is!) Self absorbed? Not al all!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets stick to the word Spoil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 That's why I asked. My boyfriend often sends a text message / email every morning. Sometimes a call after work. And then usually a call before bed. I have come to expect this of him. In the beg., that was our communication everyday. As time passes, sometimes I don't hear from him in the morning. He's already told me that he feels like he's repeating himself everyday in his emails. But I still get a little antsy. And a little while later I'll hear from him. I think it has to do with we get into a routine and are shown what to expect per se. Then when it's a little different, less calls, later calls, etc. we get a little worried. I just went through this a couple days ago. I've chosen to "not" mention it to him. I know I'll hear from him eventually. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Self absorbed? Not al all!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets stick to the word Spoil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL, hanginginthere! But actually, being spoiled can make one become a bit self-absorbed. If people are constantly giving in to your whims and desires, pampering you, etc., how could it not make you start to feel a bit "it's all about me"? Start being more giving, kind, and patient yourself. That might help curb some of the negative aspects of having been maybe a bit over-indulged. And be honest here...do people spoil you because you're so lovable, or do you demand certain things and treatment? Even in a subtle way? I have to say the wording of your last post was a bit strident and authoratative, so there could be a grain of truth to the latter. Just so you know, I am not trying to criticize you. But you did bring up the issue in the first place of possibly being too high-maintenance, so let's explore this a bit. It's perfectly ok to question if you have negative traits, in fact, that's a sign of maturity. No one's perfect. But when you don't at least try to curb certain unpleasant behaviors, well, that can result in problems for you down the road. The older you get, the less inclined people are going to feel like giving in to your desires and whims. How are you with your friends? Are you ever bossy or insensitive? What about with your parents, or other relatives? Link to comment
shellshocked Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 That's why I asked. My boyfriend often sends a text message / email every morning. Sometimes a call after work. And then usually a call before bed. I have come to expect this of him. In the beg., that was our communication everyday. As time passes, sometimes I don't hear from him in the morning. He's already told me that he feels like he's repeating himself everyday in his emails. But I still get a little antsy. And a little while later I'll hear from him. I think it has to do with we get into a routine and are shown what to expect per se. Then when it's a little different, less calls, later calls, etc. we get a little worried. I just went through this a couple days ago. I've chosen to "not" mention it to him. I know I'll hear from him eventually. This sounds like EXACTLY like me. Substitute girlfriend for boyfriend and I could have written this word-for-word....! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 I honestly don't think it's that abnormal... jmo Link to comment
HangingInThere Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 I do not ask anyone for anything, ther just do because I am loveable...some can maintain it, some cant and then they feel 'bad' because they couldnt do it... I am very far from bossy, trust me when I say that...I just think up all these things (like i did in this thread) because i know it is asinine to even bring to my b/f i have the most ladi back personality...never boss any of my family or friends around! Really i do nto think the world evolves around me - but i have grown accustomed to certain things, and sometimes it is hard to actually have things done differently, kinda hard to cope with..(like Not that Girl said in her post). That is why I say i am spoiled. On a different note, but i think this is where yu are trying to go with it, I was spoiled, my 1st car was given to me by my dad - we were driving on the highway I said that is nice car, i want it.....a few hours later we were at his car dealer! My brother brought me a Range Rover with his 1st big contract! I now drive a 2006 benz, have my own homes, have a great career....and I am okay on the eyes So yes i have been spoil growing up and til adult. So yes I liek attention (attention that i am not lacking) but attention from my b/f...but I dont make a stink about it to him...because I know it is me and my 'issue' I have to get over certain things - feeling this way when he doesn't call when I expect him to call...but honestly I am not letting affect my relationship! Link to comment
HangingInThere Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 I honestly don't think it's that abnormal... jmo Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 I gathered that this was just a small "vent" per se. And that you have no plans to discuss it with him nor are you truly upset at him. I think in life most of us become accustomed to a routine and structure. And when there is deviation to the routine or structure, we tend to notice the deviation. It's all in a matter of how we react to the deviation. So long as you're not questioning him, getting mad at him, letting it affect your relationship, this isn't a big issue. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 And, You're Welcome! Link to comment
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