Should I Make Him Commit?

[BelieveInLove]

Hi all and thanks for reading my post,

 

I'm 26. He's 24. We met each other online about 6 months ago, starting just a one-night stand. Then we haven't seen each other again until end of July (though we did chat and text occasionally).

 

Since the end of July, we basically see each other every weekend and went on a 4-day trip to SF. We have a good time when we're together. I really like him and I think he likes me a lot too.

 

We talked about the possibility of being bf about 2 weeks ago and agreed that we will take it slow and see how it goes since we live about 60 miles from one another. But neither of us seeing any else for quite sometimes.

 

Anyhow, the more I spend time with him, the more I feel like I'm falling in love with him. I don't know if I should suggest us to be committed. What if he says no, should I walk away before I get hurt?

 

Thanks for any kind of suggestions/advices/comments

[PrincessJOA]

like i always say, if you want someone, just let him know and try your best to get him. if he says no, whats the worst that could happen? take a chance and the outcome may indeed be what you wished for it to be. its better than not knowing what could have happened if you never decided to let him know how you feel

[Siriana]

Yes, you have every right to ask for what you want. if it turns up that he can't give you what you want, than he's not a guy for you. but first you need to ask to be clear about it.

[about2giveup]

It sounds like the two of you have taken it slowly and after a bumpy (no pun intended) start the two of you have choosen to get to know each other. You have given each other plenty of time to move on or move over. I say go for it.. if he says yes it can only get better. If he says no, then he is letting you go to find someone who will appreicate you. Good luck! I wish the best for you!

[BelieveInLove]

Thanks for the advices!

 

I'm pretty sure that I will have to bring up the question sooner or later. I guess real question is "should I wait a little longer or ask him now"?

 

It will hurt me not ever seeing him again but it also hurts knowing he could be with someone else at the same time since we are not really "boyfriends".

[Siriana]

No, don't wait. If he's in love he doesn't want to wait - if he isn't the longer you wait, the harder it gets.

[Donster]

you can't ever really "make" anyone commit. What you can do is to let him know that you have really strong feelings for him and that you would like to try to be boyfriends with him. And you can let him know that you are ready to commit to him. But you can't make him do anything. Another person's heart is theirs to give, not yours to take!

 

Good luck! And don't foget to hold his hands often!

[Tigris]

If you don't ask him you'll never find out.

 

Good luck

[Batya33]

I think he gave you his answer a few weeks ago - he wants to take things slow and apparently if/when he is ready he will let you know. I would wait until you decide that if he were never going to commit, you wouldn't want to stick around. Is it possible he is confused because you were willing to have sex with him the first time you met without a commitment?

[BelieveInLove]

Thanks again for all the great advices!

 

What bugs me the most though is he is not a very talkative person. At first I thought it's just me he does not communicate much. But when we spent an entire day last sat at Disneyland with some of his best buddies, he barely talked to them (I talked to them more than he did).

 

Donster, I totally understand what you mean. I really can't "make" him but I just like to know what's going on. I've shown a lot of passionate gestures to him; and to a lesser extent, he's done the same to me. Since we're not really seeing anyone else at the moment, is the label "boyfriends" that important?

 

Batya33, I guess you are right. He did give me an answer, just not the one I want I've been thinking that maybe he hasn't gotten over his last 1-year relationship with his first bf which completely ended in March. Or is he giving himself an option just in case he find someone else "better"?

 

I know at some point I have to decide for myseft whether to stick around and wait or move on. But when??? He's a VERY great guy and I feel that part of me is falling in love with him and the other part telling to leave before I get too involved. If I tell him how I feel, and he says he doesn't feel the same or not quite ready, do I just hang around until he's "ready"? or stop seeing him?

 

All these questions are driving me crazy...

[Batya33]

You assume that nothing will move forward and you stick around for as long as you are ok with the relationship as it is right now. As far as whether he hasn't gotten over his last relationship, that is his issue not yours and sure you can wait around based on the "he's not yet ready" but who's to say when he will be ready and if, when he is ready, that you will be the one he chooses to be with? I would not want to be "rebound girl." And it is irrelevant whether he is a "great guy" - it is whether he is great (healthy) for you.

 

If he tells you he is not ready, you tell him that that is fine, that you are and that you are going to give him the space he needs to see what life is like without you. You do not want any contact from him unless it is to tell you that he is now ready. You will make a plan to talk in 2 months from now (so that he can see what life is like without you) and see where you both are. Tell him you are not promising to wait around of course. And you tell him this without tears or begging or pleading - let him see that while you are disappointed, you are not devastated.

[Tigris]

Talk to him and explain what's happening to you. Tell him if he needs more time to think you'll need to stop seeing him until he makes his decision, because if you don't your suffering is going to be a lot harder when you realise you've fallen in love with him.

 

If he cares for you he won't want to hurt you.

 

Good luck and take care.