Is an Un-Happy Married Woman Showing Interest???

[aviatorguy]

Sorry Up Front For Being Long Winded.

 

To set the stage, both myself and the lady I will call Sue are both in our mid 30’s, married, she has two young kids, I have none. I need help in understanding her interest level. Please note, I am not looking for advice if I should or should not pursue the situation at this time. I am well aware of the controversy this type of issue presents.

 

I started a new job two months ago, and was introduced to Sue my first day. She was nice and what I would consider attractive, not a super model but attractive. I did not have much contact with her my first month. Just an occasional smile, hello, how was the weekend when passing in the hallway.

 

During the start of my second month, I started to have more interactions with Sue as I was required to provide some training. I was in several meetings with Sue both in larger group settings and once or twice 1-1. Before or after each meeting, we would chat about the weekend, work, and even got into our families a little bit etc. Again, not flirtatious and the conversation would last 5-10 minutes.

 

2 weeks ago we talked for about an hour discussing work, family, how cool it would be to be back in college to go out drinking and touched on the challenging marriages we both were having. She then said her and a small group go out for drinks every once in a while and that she would let me know when so I could join. I asked if anyone goes out for lunch which she replied no, but that her and I should sometime. At this stage, I will admit, I was thinking she was interested a little.

 

The morning of the lunch outing, she stopped by my office to confirm and set a time. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was good but a bit stressed She said she has issues at home and understands being stressed. We agreed to discuss more over lunch.

 

Being somewhat shy, I was not sure how to take the conversation personal. So, at first we talked about office gossip stuff and then she took the conversation more personal, asking me how long I was married and if I have figured out this marriage thing. I responded, indicating I had no a clue on the married challenges and I returned the question to her. She told me she and her husband fight a lot, and just got off a week worth of not talking with each other, explained in great detail the reasons why they fight and how mad she gets at him being gone, not helping with the kids, etc. She then told me she doubts he is her soul mate and has had serious thoughts about moving on and/or being with someone else. I too doubt I am with my soul mate and have had thoughts about moving on. We sharred some eye contact and we both really smiled and laughed alot.

 

We continued our chat for the rest of the hour exchanging stories and concerns with our marriages. I did not provide alot of details as compared to her. I was surprised with how much she shared with me and it really made me think. I have only known her for basicaly a few weeks. I paid for lunch and she said she would pay for our next lunch outing. I should also point out that I have never seen Sue with her hair down, she always wears it up but the day we went out for lunch, her hair was down and she seemed more dressed up than usual.

 

We exchanged a few basic emails the next day, I told her I enjoyed lunch and to let me know if next week or whenever would work again for lunch. She replied that lunch would be great and she would “schedule” something. Again, the little inside joke about formally scheduling. But, I don’t mind her poking fun at me.

 

We had limited contact the next few days. I stop down to say hello today, we chatted for 15 minutes. If I buy into the non verbal clue stuff, she did smile as did I, we did have what I would call several 5-15 sec direct and in-depth uninterrupted eye contacting stares while still talking (the ones which afterward you are thinking-what was that all about). She did cross her arms a few times but then show her palms...

 

So, based on all of this is she interested? Does she want to continue to talk and get to know each other? At times I think yes, but then we go a day or two without talking much. Why is that? Is she maybe confused by all of this, not sure what is going on in her own head as well? I am not innocent here and not trying in imply I have no interest. I suspect if we continue to do lunch etc, we will continue to share stories and really get to know each other if you know what I mean. But again, please provide feedback on the interest level.

 

Again, just looking for opinions if she is interested. No clue at all if I would persue, please be honest regardless the interest level.

[Shadows Light]

You are already interested... thats why you are here questioning.

 

I think only she would be able to answer these questions you have. You need to be careful with your boundaries because this is a "slippery slope" of intimacy.

 

And yes.... she may very well be confused by.. what she's feeling in your company.

 

If her company makes you feel "Uncomfortable" that you may compromise yourself and your marriage.. you may want to find some distance between the two of you. Meaning... go out of your way to put as much distance between the both of you as possible.

[colors]

It sounds like she could be interested...maybe just interested in a man to 'Save her'. But really Trouble is all that can come of this. If she is unhappy, than she should take the proper steps to end it.

Do NOT PERSUE a married women!!!!!

she shows you from the start she isn't faithful, so never can you expect her to be...These are vows she's made, if she doesn't respect them, you should still. But most importantly - There are kids involved (this goes far beyond you and her)

[pooh-bare]

Doesn't matter if she's interested or not since you're both married.

[Batya33]

She might be interested or given her issues she might just be looking for an emotional bandaid or for someone - could be anyone - to make her feel desirable again. Of course, given that she is married if she is acting on her interest level understand that at least when it comes to the commitments she has made in marriage she is not a trustworthy person of integrity. Is that what you want?

[Bethany]

Very, very dangerous game you have started.

 

Be very careful because if you do start an affair, in the months to come she could use you as a stepping stone out of her marriage and drown you and your marriage in the process.

[jimthzz]

Just wait until one day after you've been nailing this woman a beefy man accosts you on your way to your car some night and beats the crap out of you.

 

Because her H finds out and wants to punish you.

 

Then when you go to the hospital for your wound you decide to get a blood test for STDs because the guy says something that makes you suspicious.

 

While you're getting better from your injuries, you get a note from your employer about sexual harassment because this lying wife swears to her H you pressured her into sex.

 

Oh yeah, that STD test? It comes back positive for all kinds of nasties.

 

Likely scenario?

 

How much of it do you want to risk over some lady from work?

[Shadows Light]

Just wait until one day after you've been nailing this woman a beefy man accosts you on your way to your car some night and beats the crap out of you.

 

Because her H finds out and wants to punish you.

 

Then when you go to the hospital for your wound you decide to get a blood test for STDs because the guy says something that makes you suspicious.

 

While you're getting better from your injuries, you get a note from your employer about sexual harassment because this lying wife swears to her H you pressured her into sex.

 

Oh yeah, that STD test? It comes back positive for all kinds of nasties.

 

Likely scenario?

 

How much of it do you want to risk over some lady from work?

 

 

HOLY CRAP BATMAN.... You could give Speilburg a run for his money

 

But he is right... the tangled web of BS.. you don't want. Step away from this situation NOW.

[Cadence308]

Sue sounds very interested in spending time with you and getting to know you. Only she can answer if she is interested in you as a person or just as a man who can save her from her marriage.

 

I am not going to lecture you on pursuing a married woman since that is not what you are asking.

[doyathink]

No. She isn't interested in you! Go away and leave her alone. (she told me to tell you that).

 

She crossed her arms and only showed her palms once...great indication that 'She's Just Not That Into You'!

[Synteresis]

Wait a minute. You said you were not interested in pursuing her. Then why does it matter to you if she is interested in you or not?

[starlight]

I don't think she's interested in you in particular. She sounds as though she has a low self esteem and is using you to make herself feel attractive and wanted. She's probably just checking out to see if she could get a man if she wanted to leave her marriage. She would be happy with any bloke showing her some interest.

 

mate, this is what marriage is all about. We are all tempted. I think alot of us feel that our marriages are a bit of a sham every now again. If you can fight this temptation, then your marriage will be stronger than it was before. I have just gone through this myself.

[doyathink]

I don't think she's interested in you in particular. She sounds as though she has a low self esteem and is using you to make herself feel attractive and wanted. She's probably just checking out to see if she could get a man if she wanted to leave her marriage. She would be happy with any bloke showing her some interest.

 

mate, this is what marriage is all about. We are all tempted. I think alot of us feel that our marriages are a bit of a sham every now again. If you can fight this temptation, then your marriage will be stronger than it was before. I have just gone through this myself.

 

I agree with every word you wrote here!

[aviatorguy]

Hi All,

 

Thank you everyone for the valuable comments. They are appreciated. I know I set myself up for some abuse including we were both married but I wanted honest feedback. So, based on your feedback and continuing to think this through, my current perceptions of what is going on is that she is interesting in getting to know me, now is she "into" me, no i don't think so in that way. I think starlight worded it best and others hinting at it that she is trying to see how "marketable" she is if she were to leave. Good catch. However, if we were both single, I believe the answer to "is she into me" would be yes. There is an attraction there, that much I know. Again, it doesn't much matter as we are married at this point. She is a cool person and just being friends is nice.

 

Please continue to share your comments regarding my post as the information is appreciated. I would also be interested to know how people would have replied if I mentioned we were both single. Again, does not matter just curious.

 

Thanks again.

[aviatorguy]

Synteresis for what its worth, go back and read my post, never said that, does not much matter per my new post, but just wanted to set the record straight.

[Shadows Light]

Ok.. I'll go out on a limb here. I have many male friends. At my place of business and in my personal life. "FRIENDS" and we do share lunch, and we do go out for coffee... and as friends we do share intimate parts of our lives.. such as our personal whoa's. BUT.. that doesn't mean that I am going to hop into thier beds or want THAT from them.

 

Attraction. You can be married and attracted to people. It doesn't shut off simply because you are married. And yes.... doesn't everyone still wanted or like to know that they are marketable... or.. still got it?? Not because they are looking for soemthing new per se. You can be attracted... but you also know "SELF CONTROL"... and that self control says.. no no no. You don't just... act on your impulses or your natural instincts. If people acted on impulses more often there'd be alot more crime and violence.

 

JUST because a woman is friends with you.. doesn't mean she wants to BED YOU. That is NOT how we are wired. I have male friends. And I enjoy hearing the male perspective on things. I have run my issues past my male friends.. to ASK for their take on it.. yes. They see things a little differently than my GF's do.

 

Soooo maybe your imagination is playing over time with you. And maybe she does just mean this as a friendship.. because you appear to be a cool dude yourself.

 

How is your marriage at home by the way??? Everything ok?? if not... you need to be analyzing THAT.. to see how you might fix it.