NyGentleman Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 For 2yrs Ive been this girls friend, listened to all the stories of her and her bf and all the drama and been there for her without any question. Somewhere along the line i started to form alittle crush, but put it out of my mind for the sake of the friendship. Well 1yr later and not really being in contact over the summer, created an interesting setting. We both started to get strange with eachother, and than it happened the words, the feelings, the moments, nothing crazy but enough to say what is goin on here??? ...All the while she is still torn with an ex..Well things progressed as much as they could without it getting overly complicated and than one weekend, bam as fast as it started, it stopped, her words, i hung out with him and it was great, and i was thinking maybe we should cool it for awhile, take it day by day...im really still confused....my reaction i was torn, felt like all i said to her meant nothing, but she claims she meant everything she said to me .....this girl, my so called friend basically told me everything i wanted to hear, for 2yrs i imagined this happening and it finally did, now its being erased in front of my eyes bc of the ex situation, how do i react? She still wants it to be like it was before the moments, friends, how do i deal wit this? I feel as if it was all b.s. to begin with, just egging me on to fill the voids of the lacking ex....Help! Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Never take the backdoor in to a relationship. You probably should have cooled it once you developed the crush for both your sakes. Link to comment
vermilion Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 I think it was so wrong of her to make you feel like she liked you as more than friends. The thing is, after being friends with a guy for so long and sharing all that information about other guys it can just be too weird to date them. You're probably right in that she felt she was filling the hole her ex left with you. Or she did have feelings for you but her feelings for her ex are stronger. Best to move on to a new girl instead of wasting your time on her. Link to comment
iceman85 Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 You were done before you even knew it, when your a shoulder to cry on for that long, your toast, you'll never be anything more. Im sorry Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 I wouldn't even bother listening to her from now on, small talk is fine but nothing too long and then walk away. She blew it by doing that to you and now needs to pay the price. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 2, 2006 Author Share Posted October 2, 2006 I wouldn't even bother listening to her from now on, small talk is fine but nothing too long and then walk away. She blew it by doing that to you and now needs to pay the price. I couldnt agree more, thanks guys, yeah small talk it is right now and she is seriously in a confused state of mind, but i like to think she blew her chance to be with something great that was right in front of her eyes....and hopefully when she realizes it, i wont be there....but to go back alittle, i cant believe she said some of those things to me, for example...When I ask, "what are you thinking right now? Her reply, how much i like you, how your so diff from everyone, the way you care for me, wont let anything happen to me etc...or the hundreds of times she told me to just kiss her, hold her, etc...how can a friend like that be so cruel...and to just flip the switch like a light and say we should cool it and see what happens, wow, my only concern is whether or not its bc she didnt wanna be with me from the getgo, but why say all those things...the kicker as of now, small talk yes (and that was online), but did she ever pick up the phone to talk to me more intimately, no...her excuse i dont know whats wrong with me lately....Oh and yes everyone warned me, but being a friend i thought what better premises, i guess i was wrong and all i want now is for her to regret every moment of what she did to me, and realize she made a huge mistake, bc i was the one there for her, stuck up for her etc..and now this....what an ending....Guess im lucky i found this out now, i could be the ex, who has no clue....trying to rekindle.... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 3, 2006 Author Share Posted October 3, 2006 Ok well today we had a small talk after ignoring her for 2 days....End result is she telling me how upset she has been about us not talking, how she still really likes me but the physicallness has only made things more complicated, but in no way did we ruin our "chance" we just have to take it one day at a time, all the while she mentions here and there about her ex...Well as i try and explain how you cant go from friends to more than friends and than back to just friends that easily. To sum it up, i asked her flat out if she has been totally honest with me and she has, but likes being single for now but future speaking has no say on what happened with us and whether it would surface again...The problem is how do i act like a friend again when now im used to being somewhat physical with her...but why is it that i get the feeling i am the only one feelin these things? All she says is she a deep person and somethings are better left unsaid for now.... Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 All I can say is dont buy this BS. I am willing to put a small sum aside on a wager that you will be posting here in a month saying how she is now dating some other dude. She wants to be single cause she aint into you and is looking for someone more to her liking. End of story. If you can handle being friends and seeing her with other guys and talking about other guys then go ahead. I say let sleeping dogs lie. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 4, 2006 Author Share Posted October 4, 2006 Maybe your right, but since that small talk we had, i saw her once more briefly and she is now acting as she did with me before the ex and her hung out over the weekend, ..which is more flirty again, touching, etc..and as of today i got the i miss you speech, and we should hang out one nite this week....i dont get it..if i dont act interested i know she gets weirded out....but if i act interested she becomes distant to some degree, oh and did i mention since i refuse to call her she now calls me more than ever....why must i play reverse psychology with this girl to get her to like me...at this point its not worth it but since i waited 2yrs for her to look at me like this its hard to turn away when i see her.... Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 i got the i miss you speech, and we should hang out one nite this week....i dont get it..if i dont act interested i know she gets weirded out....but if i act interested she becomes distant to some degree, oh and did i mention since i refuse to call her she now calls me more than ever....why must i play reverse psychology with this girl to get her to like me...at this point its not worth it but since i waited 2yrs for her to look at me like this its hard to turn away when i see her.... She's on the top of the fence and needs to make a decision on which way to jump. I don't disagree w/ Tyler but this can really go either way. Don't be cold to her but by the same token keep the options open by staying somewhat friends while she thinks about what will happen next. Women can be very very weird w/ relationships and she may be afraid to lose you altogether, that could also be the reason for her backing away. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 5, 2006 Author Share Posted October 5, 2006 She's on the top of the fence and needs to make a decision on which way to jump. I don't disagree w/ Tyler but this can really go either way. Don't be cold to her but by the same token keep the options open by staying somewhat friends while she thinks about what will happen next. Women can be very very weird w/ relationships and she may be afraid to lose you altogether, that could also be the reason for her backing away. Thanks everyone, I will keep this post updated as much as possible....Macgyver i think we are on the same page with this one and i appreciate the advice, as with tyler for saying the truth, which the truth is I do believe it can go either way, i just dont know whats making her go back and forth with me...only time will tell i guess, and even when the outcome finally surfaces who knows how it will be by than....all i know is there is something about her that makes me feel like i should stay around, i cant put my finger on it but its the reason why i havent turned my back just yet... Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 You mean she had 2 years to decide if she wanted to be with you. Why did she not decide then? Talk to her hang out etc but if you are unable to handle just being friends maybe you need to think about looking elsewhere. Sure it can go either way the question is why would it go the way of her deciding to be with you. In short would it be for the right reasons. If she really fancied you do you not think she would have dumped her BF ages ago to be with you. If she really fancied you would she not want to be with you now? Dont let your ego get in the way. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 Your right, Im trying not to let the ego get the best of me but, here is an update, last nite we hung out and well we didnt do much in the way of activities, but we did have some moments together, it was one of those late nite talking sessions which led to small indescribable moments...and well she keeps telling me that she really likes me....we also had some really deep convos, and well, i do see where she is coming from, that ex pretty much has her on a leash, using the i need time to figure things out speech, but i told her flat out last nite, that she was being blind about other things in front of her, which she agreed hence why she opened up more...but the weird part she doesnt even really talk to the guy, at this point i am more around than he is...but that maybe a bad thing...but this coming weekend, holiday weekend we are both very busy separately, which is usually the case on the weekends but i guess what i am interested about at this point is how much time should be alotted between a break up and a new relationship that voids the "rebound" scenerio? Also since we have been friends for 2yrs now, we never dived into this part pf the relationship so its all new stuff..... Link to comment
Juha Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 GAMES!!! How many people play them..... Link to comment
Juha Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I would pull way back and leave it alone.... You are just hurting yourself, if she "really" wants you she will come and get you...Do not let her yo-yo you around... It seems you are her comfort when she needs it and that's all... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 Ok well small update, prob the last one of the weekend here...We chatted briefly yesterday and well this was the scenerio, she telling me she misses me alot lately, she wants to see me but we cant bc we are both busy, she wishes i was gonna be at the place she was gonna be at last nite, etc...I understand where everyone is coming from on this, games, yes i know, but do games really go this far, i mean maybe im wrong here but it seems as if she is starting to realize whats in front of her, i am though spaced from her when we talk i usually get off as soon as i can to make it a short convo leaving her wanting more, when we hang out im the one holding back, etc...maybe this is the reason why now she is acting like this, but still, it seems like whatever im doing is working bc she is now more interested than ever, more than a friend....well anyway hope everyone has a great holiday weekend....thanks again and will update when i get more info to share.... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 8, 2006 Author Share Posted October 8, 2006 To answer your question yes games can go this far...very far. Sometimes you'll have a situation where a girl likes to keep a guy on standby. In other words when she's in a relationship she'll ignore you but then when she's not she uses you as a placeholder until another guy comes along. So watch out.. This is good advice as well, thanks...Funny how it should be suggested now, just when things were looking up, a brief moment of convo between her and I and now the weirdness all over again, the dialog you ask? nothing more than what we were both doing the next two days and some awkward silence...sometimes i think i am just being lied to....What would I be lying to about? Im thinkin the ex is around on the weekends...hence the weirdness.....my 2 cents....](*,) Even smaller update: Get a call from her later on, next morning..we talked about our nites experiences from the places we went (not together) .. in our convo and I also get the oh yeah well ..the ex tried to get in contact with me when i was done talking to you yesterday and well i ignored him, i so dont like hime anymore..it feels great to be single and have no more drama.....and than I get the "are we gonna hang out tomorrow or what"...Interesting..... Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 Good girls dont confuse you. Simple yet unbelievably true. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 This is tru...the good girls dont confuse you part, but what if you are involved with a friend or someone who is more than a friend that had a really rough past..not so much relationship wise, but life wise, family wise etc...would that be a consideration as to why she would be like this?? Another small update: We hung out for a couple hours today, things were pretty good, we got some coffee and some food, and basically chilled out, we had some small select moments, and the feeling was very mutual..and i could see that she is developing a liking towards me now even more...but here is the thing, it is constantly been told to me that sleeping together wouldnt happen, now thats not what im looking for, but its been made a point alot...other things go on, but def not to that point...the claim is, that kind of thing only happens when im in a relationship with a person...whats that all about? I mean why do other things, but hold back on that...i mean i understand why but never really experienced it first hand like this...also since we arent together, i guess its for the best that it doesnt happen..but still its like we are acting as if we are together now, just without the title and the intimacy.... Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 No offence mate but you are setting yourself up here for a big fall. It may have to happen to you for you to realize it. Again after two years of friendship she didnt choose to be with you why? She isnt attracted to you in the way you are attracted to her. Intimacy is what makes a friendship different from a relationship. She does not want to get intimate with you because she sees you as a friend no matter how you feel about her. She is using you to get over her ex and the thought of being alone. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Just to clarify alittle, for the 2yrs we have been friends neither one of us has had any feelings for the other...This is was mostly due to being so deep in the friendship zone with eachother...Her having a bf, and I having a gf...We talked alot about relationships and the drama, and once in a blue moon hung out but it was always innocent and never went anywhere...Well after not talking all summer things changed, she explain to me the other nite that she talked alot about me to her friends etc..and when she finally saw me again after the summer things really changed for her, she started to feel funny with me..as did I seeing her..well one thing led to another and now her and her bf are no longer and since than we have been spending alot of time together, talking about feelings, emotions etc..most of what includes how I am there for her, how she knows i would never hurt her etc...and most of all how she likes me more and more everyday she sees me...believe me when i say when i see her its like we are already dating (the kisses, the hugs, the cuddling etc..which would throw the whole she doesnt wanna get intimate with me out the window, even though we havent slept together, things have progressed...)but the timing is def off which makes it alot more difficult..she also stopped talkin to her ex if that makes a difference... I guess what im getting at is things now since the first time i posted are going at a very fast pace, duno how to manage now since the ball is way over in my court..all the hype about her using me the fill the void seem distant to what is actually going on...i wanna take things slow, very slow, but dont know how to approach it, or even if im making the best move here...im really confused....Ive went from dreaming about what it would be like to be dating her, to being so close to her and feeling as if i was a temp solution to the ex at times, to now being there in the flesh, being the main spotlight and having her really like me, wanting to spend all her time with me.... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 Update: Well its been a long week, and things have been pretty interesting as mentioned above....Whats been on my mind though is this, since we have been getting alot closer, and somewhat intimate but are not dating, how much time is to much time to spend with someone of this nature? We had this deal when we first realized that we were getting closer, it was to space out our time together so we didnt get to involved to fast, the plan was not to really see eachother on the weekends, being that we saw eachother enough during the week.....well now that things have progressed, i duno if i should stick by that or not being that we have been spending alot of time together during the past week and a half....I feel as if i should since it helps keep the mystery, but at the same time I feel if things are going to progress in some kind of manner, the next level would be doing things on the weekends together...but am still not sure since the whole "bad timing" and "rebound relationship" issue has been rattling around my head..The last thing i would want is for her to be sick of me so early on, but at the same time she is the one making all the "get-together" requests..... Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Update: 3-4 posts ago; but here is the thing, it is constantly been told to me that sleeping together wouldnt happen ..................................... now; since we have been getting alot closer, and somewhat intimate but are not dating, how much time is to much time to spend with someone of this nature? We had this deal when we first realized that we were getting closer, it was to space out our time together so we didnt get to involved to fast, If sleeping together isn't going to happen, define "intimate". Kissing and/or makeout sessions only isn't intimate, "We had this deal when we first realized that we were getting closer" When was this? How old are you and her??? Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 15, 2006 Author Share Posted October 15, 2006 If sleeping together isn't going to happen, define "intimate". Kissing and/or makeout sessions only isn't intimate, "We had this deal when we first realized that we were getting closer" When was this? How old are you and her??? I should have clarified, we have had intimate moments more than just kissing and makeout sessions, without getting to overly graphic, everything just short of sleeping together..is that any better? As far as the deal, i figured when we were on the verge of getting emotionally involved with eachother and her not being totally over her ex at the time period, the weekends could be separated for our own friends and time to reflect on what was happening..so we never hung out, what would happen is we would talk sunday nights and see eachother throughout the week on and off but now things have gotten even more involved in terms of shifting feelings, its almost like i automatically took the place of the ex after she cut it off completely,....We are both in our mid 20s....(26-24) ...And as of yet we still havent spent time together on the weekends, and i dont know if its bc if and when that happens it will seal the deal as to the seriousness of our new relationship...whatever that might be... Link to comment
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