Lonely at work

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I've been at this new job for 2 months. I work with a team of about 10 people. Every one of them is very nice, some of the best people to work with/for. And just like with most jobs, there are "circles of friends" over here, but I am probably the only guy in the company that's not in a circle. Everyone treats me nice and all, and none of them are mean or snobs by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel like the odd man out.

 

Today I was going to lunch in this large and crowded food mall and I notice one circle hanging out in one place, another circle in another place and me, with my hands in my pockets, standing in the middle of the room, waiting for my food, whistling and nodding my head like I'm having a good time, all the while I'm miserable as hell. When I got my food, I sat alone at a table and just chewed my food like a good little boy.

 

But what's worse is that at work, I am sitting next to the most popular guy in the entire universe! He's the matrix of the company, everyone swarms his desk for advice, laughs and help on things. I've always been the funny guy wherever I've been, but this guy is a knee slapper, a stomach grabber, a tear jerker, he's just too funny and outgoing. I'm subtle. Sometimes I try to ease myself into their convo, but I don't want to intrude.

 

Oh yeah, and then there's the age gap. I think the oldest among these guys is 25, and sometimes I feel REAL old. I asked The Matrix Guy if he ever played a game called Super Breakout for the Atari, and he said he "...saw it on the History Channel." I felt ancient after he said that, although I laughed at the irony. I used to make fun of my former boss for being so old that he had a bible autographed by Jesus with the words, "Keep in touch, dog!" written on the back. Damn you, Karma!

 

Anyway, does anyone else feel like they're left out in their workplace, for whatever reason? How do you cope? Should I go postal for a friend?

[candy604]

why don't u ask them if you can come join them instead of just sitting byurself?

 

ask some people at work if they want to grab some lunch or coffee etc..

or ask one of them, since your new, to show you the ropes, to get to know them better or something! its tough, but you just have to be outgoing and take intiative. I'm sure if your nice and easy to talk to people won't mind you hanging out with them.

[laboheme]

The only thing I can say is, give it time. Two months is not necessarily enough, and you shouldn't feel like doing anything drastic because you don't have a good buddy there yet. Just do your thing, smile, talk to people when the opportunity presents itself...and unless you purposely isolate yourself and make yourself unapproachable, connections should happen naturally -- just not right away.

 

My workplace is very small, and at the two month mark not only was I considerably younger than the other employees, but all four of them knew each other as well. While I still don't hang out with any of them outside of work, I've had my fair share of thinking that I'd never feel comfortable around them or be able to talk to them about anything other than job responsibilities. Definitely felt like an outsider. It's now been five months, and the assisant manager tells me about her neighbors having sex, the employee of 5 years (and manager's favorite) is giving me relationship advice, and the other girl and I just had a nice "deep" talk about physically and sexually attractive celebrities...So trust me, it DOES get better!!! Just give it time!

 

Also, if you get another new employee...be extra nice to him or her! You know how it feels to be in their shoes, so make the transition that much easier for them -- and you might get a friend out of it!

[LostInMyThoughts]

laboheme is right. It takes time for people to warm up to you.

 

By all means if you find yourself in a similar situation for lunch, feel free to go and sit by them.

 

Here is your assignment for monday. Go up to the guy you sit next to, and ask him how his weekend was. It's a good 5-10 min conversation, and if he is a total stud like you say he is, he'll ask you how your weekend was. Make sure when you ask him, and respond, you do it with some enthusiasm. Even on the weekends where I hang out in my boxers and drink soy-milk, I recant the story as if it were the greatest thing that I've ever did.

[Daddy Bear]

be true to yourself, KO. you're an intelligent and funny guy, and a hot-looking blonde chick. resist the temptation to compromise in order to fit in. the perceptive people around you at work (if there are any) will catch on to who you are sooner or later.

[doyathink]

Hey you have a sexy wink too. Why dont you just go join them at the same table. walk over there with confidence and sit down! I feel so sorry for you! In high school I would see ppl eating by themselves all the time and I felt so hurt that they would be alone. Where do you work, i will come sit with you!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thanks guys. It is fun being a hot blonde chick who has a crush on himself. What?

 

I'm in Jersey City. And I live in NY. If you can make it all the way here dyt, I know a good pizza place.

 

At least the view of Manhattan Island is nice, but I feel like Phil Hartman as the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer on SNL, "Your world confuses and frightens me!"

 

It's kinda hard for me to invite myself because it feels as if I'm joining their circle uninvited. Like if I said, "Hey guys, mind if I join you?", I don't know I think if they wanted me to join they would've asked because they all plan their lunches in my vicinity with Mr. Matrix guy. They are all friendly, but circles are closed for a reason.

 

The worse thing is that I am a conversationalist. I enjoy discussing things, from football to Berlin in 1946. I hear them talking about things and I just want to join in and give my thoughts, give them a few laughs, whatever, but as the new guy and as a shy guy, I feel I have no right to.

 

I guess time will tell. I'm just not used to being an outsider and trying to become an insider is too difficult for me. I need a puppy.