Is it really possible?

[nsbguy32169]

Can you really fall back in love with someone after you've fallen out of love with him/her? I want to hear from people who have experienced this, if there's any at all... My ex told me she has no feelings in her heart for me, but she wants to be with me... to spend the rest of her life with me... she hopes to meet up again a few years down the road and fall in love with me all over again. I'm just like, "What the hell does that mean? How do you fall back in love with someone? He/she is going to still be the person you fell out of love with in the beginning so why would any amount of time change those kinds of feelings?" Could two people really change that much in a few years time as to be able to fall in love again?

 

I'm not trying to get my hopes up thinking about this and no, I don't plan on waiting "a few years" to move on, I just want to understand how you can "want" to fall in love with someone you've already fallen out of love with. If you fall out of love with someone why would you "want" to want to spend the rest of your life with that person? I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone I wasn't in love with...

[DN]

Sounds to me that she is positioning you as the fall-back guy in case she doesn't meet anyonebetter. She wants you to stay single and hoping she comes back to you in case she wants to at some point.

 

Move on. There are women who will love you now - not later.

[Belgian girl]

can't really give an answer I guess but I'm very interested in what the other people will think about this.

In my case, I almost let it happen that my exbf left me, b/c I love him that much that I wish to have children with him but it seemed a little strange that he would stay with me during whole his life so I hope I might be with him.

[ILovePasta]

Sounds like shes thinking the grass is greener on the otherside of the fence. One thing I've noticed, especially from these forums, is that alot of people, regardless of what their backgrounds maybe, say the same things in the same situations. Just watch out for the "I still want to be friends" line.

 

But to answer your question, yes it is possible to fall out of love, and fall back into love with the same person. It has happened to me, but what made it possible was time and distance.

 

An old girlfriend of mine was a great person. But as with many things, comfort and monotny took the spark out of our relationship and I ended it with her. Many months later, after we both had moved on with our lives, we met up again by random chance. I remember seeing her and having those same butterfly feelings like when we first met. We started hanging out alot and sure enough....BOOM, love hit me like lightning all over again.

 

As I mentioned, it took time and distance. After we broke up, we did the whole keep in touch thing. Seeing each other and talking to each other. It never rekindled a thing. It was only after sadness had healed and we both enjoyed life apart from one another. It was almost like seeing her for the first time...again.

[super_dave0001]

damn that sounds awsome, did u get back together offically and r u still together?

[pooh-bare]

My parents were divorced for 16 yrs, my dad remarried, my mom did not..... they remarried each other 19 years ago and it's as if they were never apart.

[ILovePasta]

damn that sounds awsome, did u get back together offically and r u still together?

 

Unfortunately not. We went for another 2 years (3 years prior), but finally ended it permanently. I'm actually not sure why, though it was her who ended it last.

 

I was still very much 'in love' with her, but perhaps she flipped the scipt on me, and was the one who fell out of love. As I always say, life is ironic.

[nsbguy32169]

Sounds to me that she is positioning you as the fall-back guy in case she doesn't meet anyonebetter. She wants you to stay single and hoping she comes back to you in case she wants to at some point.

 

Move on. There are women who will love you now - not later.

 

That's kind of what I'm afraid of... I've treated her better than any of her previous boyfriends... I was her first love... her first everything really... I treated her like a queen and she knows it... she knows it's going to be almost impossible to find any other guy that did the things I did for her... and to her

 

But she doesn't have feelings for me so why would she want to be with now or later?

 

Sounds like shes thinking the grass is greener on the otherside of the fence. One thing I've noticed, especially from these forums, is that alot of people, regardless of what their backgrounds maybe, say the same things in the same situations. Just watch out for the "I still want to be friends" line.

 

But to answer your question, yes it is possible to fall out of love, and fall back into love with the same person. It has happened to me, but what made it possible was time and distance.

 

But she fell out of love with me... that's where I have a hard time understanding why she wants to meet up later in life.

 

That is an excellent story, but I don't want to draw hope from it... I don't need hope in this stage. The thing with us however, was time and distance made her realize she wasn't in love with me anymore... but at the same time I understand how it worked for you... absense makes the heart grow fonder... maybe it will happen with us, maybe not... but I'm sure as hell not just gonna sit around and wait for her. I have my own life to live

[super_dave0001]

im in the same situation myself, me and my ex went out for 6 monthes then broke apart for 2 monthes she dated another guy in that time apart from me, then we got back together for 6 years... ironic, 6 months for 6 years eh? we just split bout 2 and a half weeks ago.... was kinda ugly on her part, now she thinks were friends....lol but im just keeping my distance, ill respond minimally to her msn msgs but now im gonna just stop talkin to her.... give it time and space for myself to heal... if we happen to give it another go later on im sure we will be smarter and wiser.... esspecailly me...n im not even sayin ill get back with her anyway once she sees the grass aint greener, but who knows wut the situation could be like and wut i might feel in the future???

 

do u really believe absense makes the heart grow fonder?

[aymee_lee]

Hmmm... I got back with my ex bf after 18 months. Sounds like my story is vaguely similar to ILovePasta's. During our separation there were times when I thought we would never get back together. But now we are. And I often wonder- does that mean I fell back in love with him, or did I never stop loving him in the first place?

[ILovePasta]

You know what my friend, it sounds like you did all that you could for her. You can leave this without any regrets whatsoever. It will be her who is left wanting.

 

Another thing I've noticed is that when a person gives too much to their significant other, it tends to push them away. Almost like they go looking for another challenge, a spark, a rush, to excite them again.

 

About what she said, it honestly sounds like they typical 'sympathetic reassurance'. You are on the right track; you can't and shouldn't have to wait for her. You do have your own life, and should be able to live it with someone who appreciates what you have to offer.....

 

I should probably take my own advice sometimes

[ILovePasta]

Hmmm... I got back with my ex bf after 18 months. Sounds like my story is vaguely similar to ILovePasta's. During our separation there were times when I thought we would never get back together. But now we are. And I often wonder- does that mean I fell back in love with him, or did I never stop loving him in the first place?

 

Ah, now that one will keep me up at night thinking as well

[nsbguy32169]

do u really believe absense makes the heart grow fonder?

 

To a certain extent...

[super_dave0001]

To a certain extent...

 

lol care to explain? in my opinion i think it can "IF" it was real love to begin with.... they say love is blind so i guess sumtimes u loose ur way and need sum distance to see the light again, so to speak...

[nsbguy32169]

lol care to explain? in my opinion i think it can "IF" it was real love to begin with.... they say love is blind so i guess sumtimes u loose ur way and need sum distance to see the light again, so to speak...

 

If the love was real to begin with and so many things start to interfere with it that it becomes cloudy and unsure... give it time and distance and those clouds start to dissipate, revealing what was there to begin with. The hard part starts when both people realize how much work they must do to make sure those clouds do not come back to stay.

 

And with regards to the "certain extent" comment... if the love was never there to begin with or if it truly was lost, then no, nothing can bring back those feelings unless, however, both people are able to make such significant changes in their lives and they make those changes for THEMSELVES, not for each other, that when they meet again, it's almost as if they're completely different people from which they once knew... and from which they once fell in love with. Then, I believe, there's a chance to start over and possibly fall in love with a different person in the same body.