friends with benefits ?

[ellie18]

okay so we broke up 3 weeks ago. he told me he couldnt ever have anything with me on a romantic level again. he said he wants to just try to be friends. so i was like okay whatever & i went out & did my own thing that weekend. on that sunday HE asked to hang out HE kissed me & intiated the sex. then later he said he doesnt know what he wants. then he said he cant be friends with me. so the next weekend he said he doesnt want to see me & we just ignored eachother at school. but then we started talking again last week & talked on the phone every night. but then we werent really going anywhere with deciding if we can be friends so i hung up on him & didnt go to school the next day. Then HE calls me & says hes coming over he apologized & asked to be friends. then we hooked up again. it felt like old times. ahh. then we hung out yesterday & we just madeout & had sex. we didnt even talk about US. he told me he loves me thats pretty much all we talked about. he texted me last night he said "i wish you were here cuddling with me id sleep much better" i wrote back "me too" then i texted him this afternoon ii said "do you love me ?" he said "would yesterday have happened if i didnt ?" and "yesterday was the best day ive had in a month" what does this mean should i call him tonight & ask himwhats going on through he head or just wait a couple daus or i dunno i dont know if i can handle being friends w benefits thats never good i cant emotionally handle something like that ahhh helpppp !

[Hope75]

okay so we broke up 3 weeks ago. he told me he couldnt ever have anything with me on a romantic level again. he said he wants to just try to be friends. so i was like okay whatever & i went out & did my own thing that weekend.

 

Why don't you bring this up to him?

 

Tell him his actions now are confusing you in light of what he said before, and you want to know where you stand.

 

You have a right to know where he's going with this.

[Batya33]

There's a simple approach here. You tell him - I do not want any phsyical or sexual contact with you unless you believe breaking up was a big mistake and you want to get back together. As far as a friendship, maybe - maybe - 6 months to a year down the line but right now you cannot be friends with him because it's too confusing.

[melrich]

Yes I agree. definitely cut out having sex with the guy. He is just using you physically and now knows that he has "technically" broke up with you but can have sex with you on the side whilst he "works out" if he has made the right decision or not. He's sweet, and he knows it.

 

Cut contact and let him sweat or otherwise.

[joyce1412]

i hope you don't become his friend with benefits. you are much too valuable to be used by a guy who doesn't appreciate you.

[ellie18]

i called him tonight i asked where we stand he said he doesnt know he said he wants to keep hanging out and see where things go from here...

[joyce1412]

i called him tonight i asked where we stand he said he doesnt know he said he wants to keep hanging out and see where things go from here...

 

are you satisfied with that answer?

 

i think that people who profess to "not know" whether they want to be with you have actually given you an answer. it's just that it's not the answer you want to hear, so you ignore it.

 

right now he knows that you'll hang out with him, make out with him, and have sex with him without expecting any commitment. what's not to like?

 

at this point, you're like a ragdoll to him. he can play with you, he can toss you around, he can do whatever he wants--because you're telling him that you're up for all of it. don't you think that you're better than that?

[ellie18]

i just keep thinking he'll decide he wants to get back together is we get along. i dont know what to doooooo !

[Batya33]

i just keep thinking he'll decide he wants to get back together is we get along. i dont know what to doooooo !

 

I think the only way he'll decide to get back together is if he experiences what life is like without you there in any way and he sees if he misses you.

[ibenhad]

Don't do the FWB option. It sucks I did it with my ex for 3 years and I didn't even mean to do it. I now asked her to marry me and she is devastated by it. I never realized how much that makes a person feel used. If you are strong and only expect that do it but I promise you will not be happy.

[rmpavlock]

From what I've seen, friends with benefits never works out. Don't sell yourself short like that. You deserve a guy who will treat you as more than a friend. If you waste time with this guy, you might miss out on something better.

[joyce1412]

why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free? i think you know he's not going to want you as a girlfriend after you've already offered him the goods without commitment.

[rmpavlock]

I agree with Joyce...Right now he can have what he wants with you without any sort of commitment or obligation. I hate the cliche, but seriously "He's having his cake and eating it too."

[DreamLilies]

If your best friend were in this situation, what would be your advice to her? Would you advise her to keep going back for more of the same stuff, not really knowing what was going on? Would you tell her to stick around, with the possibility that he is going to keep having sex with her with no strings attached, while he can get together with other women and not feel guilty about it because you two are "not in a relationship?"

 

What kind of advice would you give your best friend?