Please Help.......hurting inside

[sandyv]

Hi nice to be a new member here. Well here we go. I met my bf 5 months ago. I was a little apprehensive at that time because I knew he had sole custody of three little kids, but I liked him so much I decided to give things a chance. I absolutely fell in love with the kids..... yeah and him as well. Well after about 2 weeks of hanging out together, we were at my place. His ex (bi-polar)shows up at my door and throws a fit. (The kids showed her where I lived, they are little, didn't know any better) The kids were with his brother... so it was obvious to me she still has something for him. Well she left and we talked and he convinced me she would calm down within a week or two and accept things.... she should have... they have been apart 3 years now????? He was dead.. and I mean dead wrong. She has threatend me (we all live in close proximity) and even worse she has called the Children's Aid with allegations about Jack (my bf) and he has temporary lost custody to his brother and sister-in-law. Well since then things have been pretty insane. He was having horrible mood swings, but seems to be dealing with things much better in the last few weeks eg. affectionate, lots of loving etc. Just this past weekend we had a getogether with friends, and he told them all "I love this girl"...... which he says very rarely to me????? Well Sunday we had a quiet night and he went home. He comes over Monday and seems sorta hyper to go home..... He has called me every night and is talking about laying low because of the Children's Aid, but what does that have to do with me.... I'm confused. He said he's thinking of moving because his Bi-polar ex lives to close by. But so do I. He said last night he with call today to see "what I'm up to". I feel sooo lost, no affection since Monday night. If he wanted to drift me why doesn't he just say so? Talk about Dr Jekyl, Mr. Hyde. I don't know what to think............... and I feel like I've been put on hold... Any comments will be appreciated.

[Mun]

Wow girl, it sounds like your man has got too many things on his mind right now and you are (unfortunately, but understandibly) taking a back seat to all this. Be patient. It sounds like he is crazy about you but just has to fix this mess. I can't even imagine having to deal with an unstable ex--mine is long gone thank god.

Be supportive and let him know you are around, check up on him but give him lots of space. The last thing he needs right now is his gf hounding him for more time when he is going through so much.

Now for you, I feel for you girl. I'm guessing you don't have kids? There are times when the kids come first, thankfully not always, this is one of those times.

 

So for now give yourself a break too . Spend time with your family, friends, get support there and think about the future and this relationship. Reallly think about whether you want to be a part of this man's life. He has a big load, or "baggage" as my friend says. Luckily, it has handles. You need to know what you are getting yourself into.

 

If the ex comes around harassing you, get the police involved. You should not put up with that.

 

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_Something you might want to read:

How To Marry A Divorced Man by Leslie Fram. A cheesy title but with some good tips on how to handle the exes, kids, and all kids of other issues.

[sandyv]

Yes I still going through this stuff...... he is sooo strange, called last night and said "How are You Now?" and that struck me as strange, since I've just been me....... I also caught him walking by my place, although he never walks that far east EVER ........... and I mentioned that, and he asked "Where were you, looked like no one was home?" I said I was there, its like he keepings tabs on me, although holding me at arms length as well??????? He said he wanted to have some drinks today (Friday) but never asked me directly if I wanted to get together????? Then he said "well I'll talk to you later" and I said "You talk like your a distant relative" and he said "Nope your just down the road"................ think he must have been smoking some bud..... very strange indeed........ I said bye and hung up. He must think I'm being cold, and I guess I am a little, but he is confusing me sooo much I don't even know how to react any more