Phone calls have no susbstance - REALLY BOTHERING ME!

[theproman23]

I dunno why my phone calls with this girl have been getting shorter and shorter. I used to talk to her for hours without a problem but we barely talked for 5 mins today. I asked her if she not as interested in talking to me anymore and we ended up getting in to figt about it cause she said that hurt. But what am I supposed to do, I am trying to keep the conversation going but for some reaosn it's not working. THIS IS REALLY BOTHERING ME! I've even tried calling her less often and still we have like nothing to talk about. Is this is a bad thing? I feel like we're drifting apart a bit.

 

I am just being insecure??

[g44]

it just she is not into ya buddy...and if u are the one calling all the time and she is cutting it shorter or there is dead air

 

give it a rest

 

she's probablt dying for u to stop so do her a favour

 

don't take it personally...she just doesn't dig ya

[theproman23]

I hav'nt called her in 2 weeks, She's called me everyday and actaully asked me why i don't call her that much. Then I mentioned that it feels like she does'nt want ot talk anymore and she got pissed cause she said she would'nt be calling everyday if she did'nt want to talk to me. I really do want to to talk to her like i used to!

[Yvette84]

Hi, well how long have you been talking to each other??? it is natural for people to run out of things to talk about if you talk everyday constantly. is it long distance? if not, try substituting some phone time together for hanging out time, it's alot easier to think of stuff to say when you're actaully doing stuff together.

if it hasn't been a long time that you've been talking...then that's not good! communication is #1 in a relationship, and if you guys don't have it, then it is not gonna work. But like I said....don't worry IF you talk everyday. There is not always new things to say. Try just talking about random things or ask her stuff about her that you don't know.

[chai714]

This is why aloofness at time helps. There are periods when you don't have much to say and during those periods you live your life. Living your life creates stories - ones that you can share with her and vice versa. No need to talk every single day about nothing.

 

Give this girl some oxygen and don't answer every single time she calls.

[hosswhispra]

Is this an LDR? If it isn't, get off the phone and go somewhere together

 

Some people aren't phone people. Instead of talking on the phone, why don't you invite her to do an activity with you. In other words, go to a museum, aquarium, park or zoo with her. You can walk around together and see a lot of interesting things ---> which will result in having a lot to talk about.

[theproman23]

We've been talking for about 8 months now, it's not long distance but I see her about once a week if that. We used to be able to talk everyday constantly but I agree we do run out of stuff to talk about. We talked for about 3 hours on sun and about 10 mins yesterday and 6 mins today. I dunno, we've been calling each other a little less but like I said I"ve called her once in the last two weeks and she's called me almost everyday. This lack of conversation is bothering me a lot cause I barely get to see her and now our phone calls are even deteriating. May be I am just overreacting but I really wish I could fix it.

[theproman23]

I would love to hang out with her but she usually is tired from work and just wants to sit home to relax and I understand it cause I usually work a 10 hour day and get home at 6 30 and am in bed by like 9 30 and up by 6 and it all over again.

[laboheme]

While there's always something to learn about a person, after the initial outburst of information, when everything is new, things can get a little stale. Especially if your lives aren't terribly exciting...and it does sound like they're kind of routine.

 

If I'm scared that a conversation won't be fulfilling because there's nothing going on in either person's life, I do a little research beforehand. I usually look at news websites and read an article that's interesting to me, but you can also look up a funky word definition, find a funny quote, a historical fact, anything. Then just mention it when you're talking to her, instead of saying that your day was boring and you have nothing to talk about. It's a double whammy: I get more educated and have a topic that will potentially generate more conversation material from her side...

[theproman23]

I hear you, today when I was on the phone with her and we talked and about 3 mins in I said "alright I am gonna go now" and she was like "ok....." and I told her she was'nt really talking and we talked for another 2 mins and I said "I am gonna go now" and she did the ok thing again but I ignored it. But this bothers me a lot for some reason.

[hosswhispra]

I think what you're experiencing is normal.

 

Instead of expecting 3 hour long conversations, why not pick your girlfriend up and go to the Dairy Queen (or something like that) to get an ice cream cone. Even when you do something like that you don't need to be talking all the time. You can even be silent while both of you sit together and eat your ice cream, just enjoying each other's company/presense.

 

Communication is important in a relationship.

 

However, if you don't spend much time together experiencing life, how do you expect to have things to talk about?

[hosswhispra]

While there's always something to learn about a person, after the initial outburst of information, when everything is new, things can get a little stale. Especially if your lives aren't terribly exciting...and it does sound like they're kind of routine.

 

If I'm scared that a conversation won't be fulfilling because there's nothing going on in either person's life, I do a little research beforehand. I usually look at news websites and read an article that's interesting to me, but you can also look up a funky word definition, find a funny quote, a historical fact, anything. Then just mention it when you're talking to her, instead of saying that your day was boring and you have nothing to talk about. It's a double whammy: I get more educated and have a topic that will potentially generate more conversation material from her side...

 

Good idea....I have done this, too.

[theproman23]

well I guess I must have just been freaking out cause she texted about sometihng random and I called her and we talked like we used for atleast 15 mins. It felt good to have the energy again and I think she realized it too. I just love her soo much I don't want to lose the spark. But thank you for all the suggestions I am gonna try and hang out with her more.

[theproman23]

Well today was good, we work for the same company but for different locations so her and a friend of mine had training at my location so they drove up with me and I took them back home. On the way home we went to happy hour and I ended up dropping her off first and then dropped my friend off. On an impulse I called her back and asked if I can come over and watch TV with her and she said yes. I stayed there till about 2:30 am and I just got home. We had a great time.

[zer0effect]

Just let her do the talking, when it gets quiet, stay quiet, eventually you can put the phone down in the other room and go watch TV and she won't know.

[inthecorner]

Glad to see things are picking up. Good luck. Heres my opinion.

 

I would'nt keep on going on about you guys having nothing to say. it can sometimes turn into a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. If you are canstantly saying that she has nothing to say to you, you will hurt her. She will be conscious of it and may find it even harder to communicate because she is more nervous and aggretated.

 

My girlfriends doing the same to me at the moment. let me tell you it hurts alot. I have allways been a shy person, but recently i have improved drematically and really started to come out of my shell. I feel like i can talk to her better than anyone else. But recently her telling me that i don't talk to her has really knocked my confidence. I am aware that she does not think i speak to her much, when personally i feel i have been at my best. This really gets me down, and makes me worried.