Betrayal, Ex slept with my friend right or wrong? help

[MissingmyBestfriend]

Hello everyone! This is somewhat related to my other ad that I posted link removed

 

ok, I start off by sayng that I decided to sever all ties with my Ex like 2 months ago . The last contact or time I see her I had to call the police and had the police officer to come with me to take her stuff back at her house so I wouldn't be accused of harassing her in self defense. The officer at my request told her not to have any contact with me.

 

Her last words were "Go to Hell & I'll never talk to you ever again"

 

What ruined our friendship was her choosing to sleep with my friend in front of me. The sounds and noises overplay in my head all the time to me. We were ex boyfriend and girlfriend and dated other people. However, I told her that I still loved her and it would be really hurtful. She decided to sleep with him and I left my friends house in steady flowing of tears.

 

Afterwards, I felt betrayed, disrespected, unloved and felt fearful of her hurting me again. I mean she was callous, insensitive and unthougtful of me being there.

 

Well, I decided to forgive her after she promised that she was truly sorry and She would'n't do it again. She said that she is an impulsive person and doesn't think things thorough.

 

She said she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our friendship. We had four talks and she reassured me it wouldn't happen.. May 10 our one year anniversary of us getting to know each other I got her a clear glass picture frame with the words "Best friends forever" later that day.

 

 

I had to go to work since I work 3rd shift and my friend who slept with her the 1st time and my ex were at my apartment to chill. Well, the next day my male friend told me that she tried to sleep with him and refused. she lied to me about it when I confronted her but eventually she confessed that she tried.

 

I felt so hurt, betrayed, disrespected, confused, sad and downright depressed. We fought, argued and tore each other apart emotionally.

 

Is it right for an ex to sleep with my friend, co-worker or one of my family members if we were not committed? Isn't it about respect. I would never do that to her knowing that she still loved me and had feelings for me.

 

It hurt knowing that it was in my apartment (2nd time) , she lied about it and slept with him in front of me.

 

Her mom said "Don't force my morality on her!!! What happened to common courtesty and respect???

 

Was she in the wrong? Well, before I left with her house with the police, her brother was outside and I told her family secret to get revenge. The secret was that my ex slept with her brother's best friend and he played her for sex. She told me to never tell anyone or it would ruin or break up family things.. I did tell the secret to show her what deep betrayal felt like. I didn't mean to but anger took over my tongue.

 

 

Knowing all this has happened, I still love her and miss her so much. It's been 2 months but, I feel that I should apologize for what I did wrong and tell her why I severed contact or acted the way I did. I want to write her a letter telling her how I feel, give what money I owe her and make amends. I feel so guilty and depressed.

 

I haved learned from my mistakes. I realize that any day now one of us might die to an auto accident and neverbe able to make things right or make peace with one another. You never know what might happened or when.

 

I can run from my conscience, but, can't hide from my conscience. I want to write her but, I'm afraid she may try to hurt me or seek revenge on me. I think about her all the time and wonder what she is doing, is she even thinking about me, does she hate me , or is she happier without me. I don't know.

 

all I know is that I want to forgive her and be friends again. I don't want her to be my girlfriend. we've overcame major fights before.

 

O.k May I have your advise on what to do? I was thinking about sending her a picture disk with all her pictures she hasn't seen, give her money I owe her and give her a embroided picture of her in a glass frame. I even thought about sending her a 250 dollar book certificate so she can by school books. I want to show her I'm truly sorry about my actions and even though I can't delete my revengeful action , doing those things would help her since she is strapped for cash.

 

Please everyone give me your feedback and your opinions. People say I'm more happier without her but I feel like I'm living a lie and downright miserable.

 

Ok. Answer these questions please

 

1. Is it wrong to sleep with an ex's friend, co worker or family member knowing that your ex still have feelings and still loves you under my circumstances?

 

2. Would you forgive like me and contact her knowing she said "Go to Hell & I'll never talk to you ever again"?

 

Also,She even said she didn't regret trying to sleep with him the 2nd time

 

 

Does she even deserve a 2nd chance?

 

3. How can I overcome what I did wrong and stop thinking about her. I know I might be blinded by love so, I don't want to make a wrong decision.

 

4. Why am I more happy at the same time deeply missing her?

 

your help will be greatly appreciated

 

5. Do you understand why I wanted to get back at her by showing her how she hurt me?

 

 

 

[angel_69_delight]

Hey, now that is really messed up.

I think that girl is dangerous and a liability and you should stay away from her. She is obviously a very strong character and I don't think that you are, no offense. I know you are saying that you love her, are you sure? She has hurt you really badly on a number of occasions and you still say she makes you miserable. Have you thought about the possibility that maybe you don't love her specificaly, you just need someone to love, someone to be your own special person. Perhaps, you have a need for someone to love you and you to love them in your own special world, but it doesn't necesarily have to be her, there are plenty of other girls out there, who would not sleep with your best friend right in front of you, then come on to him then lie to you. There are also plenty of girls out there who are much calmer and who wouldn't have you in this constant state of anxiety.

What this girl did was wrong, but we all make mistakes, the grown up part is realising the mistake, puttin it right and then not doing it again. She obviously has no clue beacuse she did it again and didn't even show remorse.

Perhaps one day, when this girl has grown up and sorted herself out, you can be together, but in the meantime, my advice to you is to stay away. No one in the world is worth the sadness youare feeling right now.

 

Above all, you must learn to love you more, you are number one.

Take care, let me know if you need anything else.

Me xxx

[babycristy456]

This is a tough situation for you. But something keeps bothering me about this story, you don't seem to blame your "best friend" at all for sleeping with your ex. Why is it that he keeps sleeping with her knowing how much it hurts you? Is this really a friend?

 

I feel it is wrong to sleep with people that you know, she shouldn't out of clear respect for you. But then again, her sleeping with your friend isnt much respectful either.

 

I honestly think you should not try to be her friend. She is only hurting you by being your friend after the hurtful things she said. You two have too much emotions between the two of you to just stay "normal" friends without letting relationship issues get in the way. maybe you should wait a while until both of you are over it, and then be friends.

 

Everyone wants to get back, when they first break up. but that's just the normal pain that comes along with break ups. It doesn't mean you are meant to be together or should be together, just because you miss her. Everyone misses their ex's after they break up, its nature. But you gotta keep the facts in mind, she probably isnt going to change, and she isn't even sorry. So if you guys ever get bak, you have all these issues in he back of your mind.

 

You should just cut all contact with her and try to move on. And I think you should reevaluate your friendship with this so-called best friend.

 

Good Luck and I hope it all turns out for the best.

[segagirl]

Hi, and thanks for coming back to us. You say to us in the first sentence

 

"I decided to sever all ties with my Ex like 2 months ago . The last contact or time I see her I had to call the police and had the police officer to come with me to take her stuff back at her house so I wouldn't be accused of harassing her in self defense. The officer at my request told her not to have any contact with me."

 

When I read this, everything else fads out. She has been unhealthy for a long time, its not a matter of does she deserve a second chace...its why would YOU want suject yourself to any of this. I know you hurt, I know you miss her....of course you do! But the reality is, you finally after much soul searching decided to leave (thankfully). Its ok to be sad, to miss her....just don't react to the pain by jumping back into something that is bad.

 

So my answer to is it ok to sleep with someone else, should you forgive her, say your sorry and write her .....and ....all that. NO. Plain and simple. Its not ok, your relationship with her was unheathly most of the time from what I recall. You should not spend your thoughts on this. Spend them on healing yourself, building a stronger you, learning about what healthy relationships look like. And deciding what kind of love you really want and deserve.

 

I realize you have this guilt and want to make ammends. THE BEST thing you can do for her and for yourself is just don't do or say anything. Let this just pass. As hard as it may be, two months is not enought time ...your are still wanting to take action out of sadness....you are not yet using your head to see this for what it is.

 

Going through all these thoughts and feelings is very normal. Just sit tight, and continue to reflect on this situation.

[secret_agent_man]

Hey Missing!

 

My thoughts? Although you say you just want to be friends, I believe from what I'm reading that you are more attached than you want to think right now. This is natural, emotions are hard to fight.

 

I agree with Sega, in the sense that you made the choice to sever all ties, and that it was a good idea. I think after that, you should stick to it, especially because of what she is doing to you.

 

I'm not sure how I feel about her and your friend sleeping together. It is indeed very disrespectful by both of them, no doubt there, but it's not illegal, and you can't make choices for them. The only solution I see is for you to make a very hard choice. It will most likely bother you unless you just remove yourself completely from the situation.

 

I would suggest moving on from both your friend and your ex. It will be hard, for sure, but it seems like the only way for you to clear your head. I'm unsure about how strong your friendship is with your male friend, but it seems like he made an effort to respect you, so that may be worth hanging on to, but only if your ex is out of the picture. I think letting go of her altogether is the most important thing.

 

Good luck, keep your head up!

S.A.M.

[Gilgamesh]

There is so much wrong with whats going on in this story, that i dont know where to begin. but ill get to the highlights. i also read your earlier post on the subject.

 

Ill answer by asking you questions.

 

You stated that in your relationship with your ex, that you had an agreement on dating other people, who brought up that idea. you or her? if you did, do you understand how that could hurt someone?

 

When you had that three-some, whos idea was that? even though all three were willing, do you know how this can be-little a relationship? and how one later can feel dis-respected for wanting them to be in that set up?

 

When your ex was right in front of you and you asked "out of respect" that you could kiss your new girl right in front of her, dont you think that shows lack of respect and courtesy?

 

for ever action there is a reaction, if she was asking for help in this forum, Id advise her to leave you pronto. lets see.

 

1) her boyfriend doesnt want to commit, and wants to sleep around, but finds it disrespectful when she does the same thing.

 

2) Shows so little importance in the relationship, that he breaks up with her because he hasnt the time, and would involve other women in the relationship.

 

3) Kisses other women right in her face, making her feel like dirt.

 

4) Then her b/F gets all upset because she makes out with his buddy, of course he is not angry with his "buddy" for sleeping with his girl, just proving even more the little regard he has for her.

 

You know, people have little control over the way others will react, you only have control over the way you act. and to tell you the truth, and ill be blunt here, you are very selfish and self centered in the way you related to this girl, the fact that she can love someone that would put her through what she did, is a problem she has to solve for herself.

 

I only respect those that respect me, dont expect her to be different, the whole respect and courtesy thing goes both ways.

 

what to do now?

 

Forget about her, there is way to much emotional garbage between the two of you to make that work out.

 

As for your "friend" i wouldnt want him around, you let him think it was ok to sleep around, hey, if you give importance to your relationship, he shure aint gonna do it. but he will interefere with any possible future "healthy" relationships that might happen.

 

You need to be alone awhile, and really get inside yourself, you need to see how your actions affect others, and figure out how to correct the way you treat others.

 

You need to solve this before starting another relationship, its not all about YOU, then start with a clean slate, and commit yourself to that relationship, and only her.

 

good luck