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Asking the bar maid out.


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Hi, yes, as some know I am also attracted to the 27yr old woman with a daughter...but anyway...this isn't about her.


I also became attracted to a bar maid where I go to have lunch on thursdays, straight away I felt it...of course, that was the looks, then I spoke to her, she was a very nice girl, I think she may be older than me, I guess about 20-21 yrs old, but that's ok, I also havent got her name yet (I know..lol funny isn't it) she had long black hair (she cut it, and it was short last week when i had lunch), she's got a very attractive body, and face, just natural uhm, oh, she has a british accent I love british accents on attractive women...yet I can't stand watching british TV shows, lol.


I never really thought about her much at all, well I didn't think about her, I see her once a week, thats it, while I have lunch. I DID start thinking about her when I noticed that she was blatently looking over at me while she washing up...I was eating, and I looked up, and saw her looking accross at me, not facing me, but looking out the corner of her eye almost, I figured that maybe it was something behind me or near me, I look around..nothing there...I don't take much notice, but I feel good about myself, then ever since then, she's been doing that very same thing, looking over at me, and well, now she actually faces in my direction, shy's away when I look back, etc. And I usually look down or away a bit and smile, or I'll smile at her, but she usually looks away too fast to see me smile.


She also tries striking up conversation with me now, when she cleans the tables and what not, we've had only one long sortof conversation (considering the amount of things she's doing at the time) which wasnt heaps long, but longer than "hey, how are you...etc.etc".


She does other things that I've never noticed before, such as twiling her hair when walking past me aswell.


I know that this is WAAAAAAAAY WAY overthinking this, but I usually have lunch with a female friend from martial arts, who is friends with the 27 yr old, and she has short hair...well, It's possible that the bar maid cut her hair short thinking I like women with short hair know, how bad is that, lol, that's just overthinking, I doubt thats really why she cut her hair short...she may of done it for a change, and she may of done it to see if I'd compliment her hair cut or something...

If that's so, I plan on complimenting it, and I plan on giving a little tip on what would make it look even better (rough it up a bit).


Anyway...the thing is, I want to ask her out, but I'm not sure how, I mean, I reckon that with a lot of thinking, I could possibly come up with something, but I dunno, I guess, I'm just really unsure of what to say.


The normal conversation usually goes like this:


*I arrive, and walk up to the bar buying area*

*she sees me, smiles, and comes over*

Her: "hey, how are you" (I often beat her to asking)

Me: "hey, yeah, pretty good, yourself?"

Her: "yeah, I'm good" (in a rather happy tone of voice, added with some nodding)

Her: "What would you like today?"

Me: "Spaghetti bolegnaise, without cheese...aaaaand pinapple juice"

Her: "that'll be..."

*I hand her money, and we normally touch each others hands*

*she gets the change, gives it to me, and goes to make the drink*



All of that above is not what I consider to be flirtatious..if it was, than every girl I meet that works, is flirting with me, lol.

That is generally how a normal conversation goes with her at first.

After this bit, we usually talk about other things, and get to know each other I guess...

But next time, on thursday instead of striking up conversation, I want to ask what her name is, I want to know if she's single, and I want to know what her phone number and email address is. I'm not going to ask her out there and then..well, to be honest, I don't know what I will do.


The way I'm thinking I should do this is while it's quiet, I can just say "Hey, do you know how long I've been coming here for lunch?" she'll probably laugh and say she has no idea, then I'll say "hahaha, well...we still don't know each others' names yet, haha....My names Nathan, I assume you DO have a name?"

She'll probably laugh again and tell me her name (I've heard her name before, but, I can't seem to hear it properly..it's a short name like Pen for Penelope or something). (Let's just say her name IS Penelope, or Pen)

Then I would say "well, Penelope, I have a question I want to ask" She'll ask me what my question is, I would say "are you single?" Either she will frown, or she'll smile, if she says she does, then I will laugh it off and say, "ok" take the drink, go sit down, and, have my lunch..

I assume that she'll either flirt by asking me a question back like for example "why..are you interested?" or she'll just say "nope"...in any case, If she asks me that question, I will say "nope" she will get confused, then I will reassure her, if she says nope, I will continue on and say "great, so do you have a number?" she'll say yes of course..if she says no, then yeah, that goes another direction, I'll get her to write it down for me, and I'll say "write down your email while your there" she'll either say she doesnt have email, or she'll just write it down with the number.


If she asks for my number back, I'll say "Oh, I don't have one" I'll smile and walk away to my table, then I'll take out my mobile phone and pretend to check messages or something while she's around, she'll probably say something like "I thought you didn't have a phone"...In that case, I'll laugh and say "haha, oh, no..haha, this is a friends phone ya see" then I'll poke my tongue out at her.


So yeah, I think it will be fine after writing that, I think I'll be able to get her number and email, and all of that, but...if I was going to ask her out then and there, I don't know If I'm sure what to say...I'm thinking of saying :

"Hey, when do you have time off work?" she'll tell me and I'll try and figure out a good time to go out then I'll say "well, ok, how about at glorea jeans, we can go grab a drink at and get to know each other better, what do you say?"


I can do that OR, I can call her, but I don't know how many days after, to call her...


Basically..I just want some ideas on what I can do to get her name, number and email, and what I can do to ask her out.


Thanks for any help, I greatly appreciate it.

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I don't want to sound cliche but .. . . you need to get a life. Make sure you are very busy with work, hobbies, friends, volunteer work, whatever. it sounds like you're obsessing over every pretty girl that smiles at you and the result likely will be that a normal person will be overwhelmed by you - either by what you say or your body language - if you do get a more balanced life your perspective on peoples' reactions to you will be more balanced and you won't read into these so-called signs. Her job is to get high tips for her services - she is trained to be friendly. Sure, she might be interested in you - but just as likely she is interested in doing a good job which requires being very social and charming with the customers.

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I don't understand why you have this whole scripted thing going on... "I say..." then "she will either say... or ..." then I'll tell her I don't have a number.... What's up with that?!


If you like her, say "listen I've been coming here for a while and I don't think we've officially met. I'm Nathan." (she will say her name) Then you just say "I was thinking if you're single I could perhaps call you sometime?" There's no NEED to ask if she's single before continuing (if you ask if she's single, she knows why, she isn't stupid) and there's no need to get into the whole "do you have a number?" thing. Of course she does! She's not a pioneer.


And my advice is don't take her e-mail address... I have a strong suspicion that if you had that to fall back on, you'd send her some long drawn out scripted e-mail that she'll read wrong and then you'll be on here dissecting her response. And I do mean that with the greatest affection. Get her number, then CALL her. Then you're not left wondering whether the e-mail was lost in cyberspace, or whether she misread a certain paragraph or whatnot.


If she's single, and interested, she'll give you her number. If not, then on to the next! Why all the back and forth and coyness? Man with scripting like that if she throws you a curve you're going to fall on your face.

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lol, It was an example of how a normal conversation goes, so you have some idea of where to work off.


The scriptedness is so it's easier for you guys and gals to read, because when I read some people's posts and they try talking about a conversation, I usually end up getting lost wondering "who's saying what".


I don't EXPECT the conversations to be played out like a script, a conversation goes however a conversation goes, for that very reason you pointed out, if she throws a curve ball, I'm gonna be F'd wondering where to go from there.


I've never tried expecting conversations to go how I PLAN them to, I can never predict what a person is going to say until I get into a conversation.


Yes, how I've written it, does sound like I'm expecting the conversation to ONLY be like that, but I don't ONLY expect a conversation to go like that, and when it comes to the conversation, it all comes naturally, it just flows like it should.

Usually when I do have these little SCRIPTS, It's more or less a preperation for IF she does say something, because I'll either go blank, trying to figure out what to say, or something will pop straight into my head and I will say it.


I'll make sure I stay away from these scripts next time I write a post, seems nobody here likes them at all!



I understand what you mean about emails.


But I learn, keep it short and sweet, your suspicion is probably right, but only if I called her, and kept getting an answering machine, or I call her, leave a message, and she doesnt reply within the next day, I would send an email asking if she got my message It would not be long, infact it would probably be "hey, I called but you werent available, so I left a message, did you get it?"...it'd be something short like that.


Oh, and yes, of course i'd be here dissecting the message, I'm clueless when it comes to understanding women!


Anyway, I think you're right about not getting her email address, I'll just get the number instead, if i get her number tomorrow, when is a good time to actually call her and ask her if she wants to go out?

That night, the next day, or what, I dunno, I would want to be calling her that night, I know that's for sure, lol


Basically, I don't mind if she isn't single, doesnt want to give me her number, etc. like you said, move on to the next, I hardly know this girl at all, so...ahwell, she's not interested, so what, no big deal.


If she's single, and gives me her phone number, then I can consider that as a good sign, if I ask her out and she says no, I'll be confused, but ahwell, no loss really, I hardly know her, lol.


Thanks for the advice. Jayar, I think it was the only advice here that had any sense to it.


Batya, I think you must be in a bad mood or something, I knew someone here would have a reaction like that, it's hard to describe every single little flirty action and body language in words without someone jumping the gun and pretty much saying "you're obsessing".


It's like people here don't know people who think a hell of alot, are creative in everything they do, who love it when good things happen, and love it even more when unexpected good things happen, and like to share as many details as possible when talking about a situation.


I mean...really, what good is it, if I say "there's this bar maid who I see on thursdays when I have lunch, and she flirts with me, and shows signs of interested, how should I ask her out"


Doesnt exactly say much at all, and I already would know the answer to that question, people would say "walk up to her, just say, blahblahblah, etc etc", but do they know how the normal conversations go? nope, do they know that it's not that easy to just straight out ask her out...nope.


Anyway...blah, this post has gone on for a while, I'm only asking for advice on how to ask this girl out without appearing desperate, shy, needy, etc

I'm not asking for people to abuse me.

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Shadow....I think you're putting WAYYYYY too much thought into this woman.

It sounds like you've built this image of her up in your head.....and of how things might go etc.......BAD idea. For all YOU know she might be in a lesbian relationship (nothing against lesbians!!!! ) but just making a point. I am sure she smiles and makes eye contact with LOTS of customers. I am in the service industry ( hair dresser) and a BIG majority of my customers are men. I flirt.....but heck I flirt with EVERYONE It makes the day go faster..and puts others in a good mood. Nothing wrong with that.


Truthfully....I would just make small talk and leave asking for her phone number out of it. If she's THAT attractive or cute...she probably gets hit on all the time. Be the guy who DOESN'T do that. She'll find you MUCH more attractive for it..BELIEVE me.

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lol, well, I thought of her when I wrote this thread....havent really thought about her since, in fact, I don't think about her much at all, but when I'm having lunch, its like I want her to be the one to serve me, so that I can have a bit of a chat with her.


I know she gets hit on ALOT, I've been standin in line waiting for them to finish ordering..and chatting her up.


It's just that, a while ago, on my 18th birthday, I went out with my mates to that pub/nightclub, and she was working that night, when I ordered a drink, she stood there with a smile on her face as I downed a shot of ...something, lol, and whenever I walked past, I would notice she was looking...that was a long time ago though...in april that was.


But yeah, now whenever I go there, the only time I really notice her looking at me is when she is washing up the cutlery, glasses and dishes, when I look up, she looks away suddenly, my vision has been kindof crap lately and so, I can't really tell if she's smiling when she looks away or not, but yeah, she doesnt look just once, she looks over several times, I often find her staring, because I can see her out the corner of my eye while I'm pretending to be thinking deeply about something...then I'll look up and she'll look away.


And the day I wrote this thread, I noticed her playin with her hair as she walked past me, I only thought women did that to guys they are interested in, while talking to them, not while walking past them...so I dunno how to take that...I'm not really thinking about it (now I am, because I'm writing about it, lol), but yeah...dunno what it means, if it means anything at all.


There is nothing wrong with asking her for her phone number, and then asking her out, she's not going to ask me out...no woman ever does, it's always the guys job...which sucks.

You say to not hit on her...well, I don't, and I never have hit on her, I just talk to her like I would anyone else, and this has been once every week since late march this year...so that's a while!


Now, I'm actually considering asking her out, and basically, I just want to know how I can go about doing that.

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