Where are all the good guys?

[natalie121687]

Everyday me and him spend together I am utterly disappointed because I know I want and deserve something better. Then I come onto this site and all of you are giving me good advice and telling me I need to just leave him. If I feel I should myself, and everyone else is telling me it's a must, why is it still soooo hard??

[FortunateOne]

Most people rather stay in a bad comfortable situations then confront the fear of the unknown, which in your case will be far better than what you're in now. Grab life while you're young and make it happen. Emotionally heal yourself and everything will be better tomorrow. Trust us all with what we're advicing you on and we will support you through your change.

[dctmking]

Hello Natalie,

 

Atleast you have hopes that you will find someone if you go to right places but i have stopped going coz i felt that the girls are just not attracted to a brown skinned guy. Anyways i know myself and i know that i am genuinely a decent, good and fun to be with guy provided i am with the right set of ppl.

 

After advice from friends i tried posting in craigslist but i didnt even get one reply after 4 days. Let me know if you wanna chat a lil bit!

 

Btw i am in california too.

 

Thanks

[Dako]

It's hard to leave the familiar behind, but you can't feel free until your really are. It's not just an abstract concept, but a real experience.

[emptychipbag]

Being alone forever really isn't that bad. I've never had a girlfriend and I probebly never will and I'm a loner anyway so it doesn't bother me much. Best of all,.. I don't have to be self consious about my body because the only person that will ever see me naked is a coroner! my advice is to just enjoy being alone and don't even try.

[ocrob]

Wow, it seems you have a few challenges or concerns. There are plenty of nice guys out there, but we all seem to act a certain way after being hurt of taken advantage of. I think that quality attracts quality. If you are staying with a guy that cheated on you and just hanging on because there is nothing else, then you are hurting yourself. I consider myself a nice guy, but have been hurt and will not trust a woman too quickly. I think you need to value yourself and get rid of a cheating boyfriend and then maybe a nice guy will value you. You picture is very attractive, but the fact that you are just staying with someone till you find something better does not put you in the best light. My last girlfriend had a history of staying with guys till she found someone to go to next. She was afraid of being alone and this was a very bad thing. Your boyfriend may be using you, but you are using him and that does not make you a better person. Don't worry about being alone and just do the right thing. Relationships are a lot of work and why do it unless you really care about the person? I have not been on here for many months, but if you want to e-mail me then we can chat and I will give you my 2 cents. Cheating is unacceptable and a player is way better than a cheat. You need to respect yourself and find a guy that respects you. I might be able to give you some insight because I am older and have made many mistakes in relationships, but never cheated. That is just wrong.

 

Robert

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Your boyfriend may be using you, but you are using him and that does not make you a better person.

 

If he has cheated and treated her bad, then I think she is better than him. She's staying because she's afraid to leave but no, I don't think that makes her equally culpable.

[natalie121687]

Yeah I'm pretty much on the verge of breaking up with him. After everyone's advice and support, I really feel like it would be the best choice to just leave him. Especially after last night...Him and I went to the movies and everything was ok until he kept going on his phone during the movie. I finally placed my hand over his pocket so he couldn't answer his phone again and he grabbed my hand and squeezed it really hard and looked at me with these controlling eyes and said "Don't even try to stop me from looking at my phone." That is not the first time he has been semi-abusive/controlling against me but it certainly is the last. He couldn't even be a man and call me at all today to apoligize instead he went to the bar with his friends. But thanks everyone for your advice. I definitely don't want to be looked down upon by potential good guys just because I'm with him still. I want to have a good aura and attract those good guys that you all say really are out there!

[toneberyking]

This is so not far for goodguys

i am a atravtive guy and normally i get the hotest girls. but i never see anything more then a month of relationship and then we becomes friends cuz we seem to be better off as friends.

so with this girl i dated for 2 years i took her to the ballet, bought flowers a 2 weeks b4 we broke up cuz she looked pretty, and i bought her a set of saphires few days b4 we broke up cuz she was workin to hard and stress. u name it, i could write a book about how to keep and get a girl, but all i knew we broke up cuz she wanted to be single.

this had been on her mind from day one, and we never ever took it slow, we were friends and then lovers, and then one day when we were jokin and playin i offered her a chance to break up with me and be single since shes been going out with her friends and enjoyin it. so we do exist and i really do think noce guys should not be nice

[natalie121687]

so we do exist and i really do think noce guys should not be nice

 

No, I think nice guys should be nice and stop going out with the * * * * *es. And I think nice girls should be nice and stop going out with the jerks. Then the nice guys and nice girls should get together and be happy!

[Tex1907]

I'm just not at the point where I want to break up with him. Whenever we do we always get back together anyways....I just want to learn to be independent first, and then break up with him instead of breaking up with him and then learning to be independent......because it will just be easier that way. And hopefully I will meet another guy soon (even as just a friend) to help me realize I don't need my boyfriend as much as I think I do.

 

Honestly, that is very selfish. These are the types of women I like to avoid at all costs. You are using him for your own personal gain and there is no other way to say it. The guy your with could be using you as well. I don't know the circumstances, but if he is treating you the way you are treating him you are both using each other. It seems hard enough if one person uses the other in a relationship, but both people exploiting each other??? I think it is time to break up.

 

No, I think nice guys should be nice and stop going out with the * * * * *es. And I think nice girls should be nice and stop going out with the jerks. Then the nice guys and nice girls should get together and be happy! bad nice girls don't like nice guys (or even good guys). It is kind of a paradox really... Good guys and nice guys work 5 times as hard as bad guys who can pick up chicks with the drop of a dime.

[natalie121687]

True the girls always want the bad guys until they have been beat up and tossed aside by so many that they have given up on them and decide to go for a good guy. But by then their reputation is sour and the good guys have moved on. And I guess that is where I am at this point since after being in this terrible relationship where we were both just using eachother, I'm considered "Selfish" and "Needy" -two things guys are very turned off by. But just to let you all know, after what he did to me the other night, and how he has just been ignoring me since, and after all the advice everyone has given me, I am ending it with him. As of today, I am a single woman and can't wait to meet a NICE boy!!!

[FortunateOne]

Way to go and awesome attitude. Focus on your self development and a nice guy will come. Heck, we'll be here to support you and advice you on what a truly nice guy is.

[Lily04]

Well, after you are single again and healed up from that break-up, I have a couple of ideas for you:

 

1) Develop and practice some interests of your own. What do you enjoy doing? What are your passions in life? Playing sports, dancing, volunteer work, etc.? Get involved in a group or activity for yourself, and go from there. It's easier to have common interests with someone if you both are interested in something!

 

2) Stop looking. Live your life, get comfortable and happy with yourself, focus on your life, and I bet you someone will find you...

 

I don't know how true this is. I would suggest #1, but guys often seem intimidated by me, they won't readily approach me. Some will, but I have the same problem as the OP in that they're not really my type. I have the same dilemma as you... I'm going to try going to more social events, clubs, pubs... you may still be underage though so not sure if that will work for you. For now, best way may be meeting people through friends, social events, school clubs/sports, community things (i.e. community sports groups if they're co-ed, like your state's swim team or whatever), volunteer work....it just depends on what you like & what you have time for. BUT don't go in with the hope of finding someone... go in simply to have fun, maybe make new friends & learn something new.

 

Oh yeah, and dance classes are apparently great!! Lots of single guys go to meet girls apparently....I took salsa lessons in 1st year but there weren't any hot guys, but some seemed to definitely be looking. might work for you esp. if you're in college, i dunno.

[Lily04]

Also, I never read all the replies, but I just read that you have some mental issues you wanted to get sorted out. I think that's a really great idea & I'm proud of you for wanting to do that for yourself. I was really depressed last year as well... when I was 20 years old. I almost attempted suicide, it was really bad.... I just wasn't happy. I was too stressed. I didn't have a social life... I didn't really have friends. I felt so confused, torn, etc... when you're in such a state do you really want or need to find a boyfriend? Or should you try to figure out things for yourself, find happiness within yourself, figure out your goals & what YOU need to be happy. Being with a boyfriend who doesn't make you happy won't help. Being with someone supportive might, but friends can do that as well. Being in a relationship at your age probably isn't a need. Figuring out things for yourself may be one though.

 

And don't worry about it taking a while. I really only became comfortable with myself until recently, not sure when... sometime this year, when I was 21. I realized after working that I have skills that may not be so much reflected in school, that I had difficulties that are possible to overcome and I shouldn't be so worried. It took some real-world experience that you may not be able to experience at 18. It meant living away from home, finding new friends who could console me at times and try to impress some reality into me when I felt like I couldn't go on. I only met 2 of my best friends last year... you continuously meet people and that also shapes your perspectives.

 

In short, you may be depressed now, and down about not being in a relationship (or in one that's not very satisfying... i'd personally suggest getting out of it), but just experiencing life will help you. Maturity, etc... I didn't have my first bf until 19 and I simply had too many issues before then to really try dating. We all have our time & reasons for things... I don't think it's anything to be ashamed about.

 

Good luck,

 

Lily

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

A great place to meet someone is at Yahoo personals.......just go in and fill out the form it is totally free. And they match you to your zip code. I never thought about doing it myself and a friend convinced me to do it.

 

I was not even considering dating at the time, I had just broken up. I met the girl of my dreams there .......we talked for several months on the internet.....then we met ofr a drink. And we have been together ever since and that was like 3 years ago

 

It is very professional .........

 

Good Luck, in the meantime take some time for you and just be yourself and have some fun....it will happen when the time is right

 

Kuhl

[hulk7280]

girls dont like nice guys

[Lily04]

I hesitate against recommending online dating. There are some cool guys on there, but you have to be careful... I tried it for a bit (off it now) but most of the guys there don't look anything like their pictures or they just obviously post the most flattering ones so they look somewhat different when you meet them... it can be a bit awkward and deceiving. Generally, meeting in real life is much better, so I'd suggest going out and meeting people in your area through clubs, pubs, organizations, sports or whatever you're interested in. Tends to be the best way, esp. if you're still young.

 

lily

[natalie121687]

well thanks everyone for the advice! im doing good , actually met a guy at a club the other nite and me and eddie are totally over with and im learning to be happy on my own

[1899]

Good point but what about this: Isn't it true that people are more attracted to us when we are taken than when we are totally single?

 

 

I think thats a girl thought. Most guys dont like the idea of a guy in the picture. It is seen as someone in the way of their target. But, girls seem to get more competitive when they see a guy with someone. And Ive seen that with my own eyes.

[Batya33]

LOL wow..well maybe they do that b/c they're depressed at being single? Kind of hard being single when society tends to want to shun those who are single (look at how many men/women in the mid-20s or early 30s get questioned all the time if they're still umarried), and you also have natural, human urges for sex.

 

Also if you keep attracting these men then maybe it's something you're doing? The way you dress, or where you hang out etc.

 

it's true - I get questioned but married people also get questioned about all sorts of things- when they're going to buy a house/have another child, etc. It just depends how you react. Luckily, I live in a city where single people in general are celebrated, not shunned.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

LOL wow..well maybe they do that b/c they're depressed at being single? Kind of hard being single when society tends to want to shun those who are single (look at how many men/women in the mid-20s or early 30s get questioned all the time if they're still umarried), and you also have natural, human urges for sex.

 

Also if you keep attracting these men then maybe it's something you're doing? The way you dress, or where you hang out etc.

 

Sorry, but I'm not buying that being single *makes* a person need to do drugs...please....I'm single...and I don't. And my style of dress is quite fine, thanks.

 

Maybe you're not able to attract girls, though, because of your style?

 

I actually have observed that single (No, I didn't say 'ALL') men tend to use drugs and/or drink excessively, and I think that's more often the case with single men than with single women.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think thats a girl thought. Most guys dont like the idea of a guy in the picture. It is seen as someone in the way of their target. But, girls seem to get more competitive when they see a guy with someone. And Ive seen that with my own eyes.

 

Actually when I think about it I think you are right on that point.

 

I do want to stress, however, that not all women are that way. And in fact some of us are not at all interested in dealing with a man who has other women hanging around the picture.

[Dako]

When I was young and single I took lots of drugs because I was curious about them and lots of other things, too. I was exploring life without the constraints of society's pressures. I quit drugs after I grew weary of them and discovered women really weren't the evil, controlling shrews I'd seen in my circle of family and friends. Learning is often a function of finding one's self wrong. Mea Culpa.

 

I've since found that women are quite often wonderful people.

I'd go so far as to say men are often just as decent, but both sexes are sometimes cynically critical of each other, especially after an emotional breakup. I know I am.

 

Where are the good guys? Probably right under your nose, but maybe not in a form you anticipate. He may have his faults, and not up to your high standards. Just as women may be imperfect but amazing.

 

Just my 2 cents after a cold beer, my drug of choice as a singleton.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

Dako; now there's one hell of a good guy right there. I so want to be like him when I grow up.