How can I get him to understand?

[waytoodown]

Hey!

Well' I've been with my bf for a bit more then 2 years now, and this is bothering me more and more. More then 3/4 of the times we have sex, he'll comes before me. I'm usually really close, but just not close enough. I've tried to get him to finger me and stuff after, but he doesn't want to cuz he says he's too tired, wants to relax,... I have no trouble having an orgasm on my own, so I know I can.

Now for the past few months, as soon as I can tell he's gonna come, I have this like ''mental block''cuz I know he's gonna come and I'm not. So as soon as I can tell he's about to, I just like space out and feel ''blah''.

How can I get him to understand it's important for me to have a good sex life ( which should include me having orgasms more then once a month)? How can I get ride of this ''mental bloc'' everytime he get close to coming?

Thanks!

[annie24]

before you two even start having sex, why don't you ask him to pleasure you first?

[Honey Pumpkin]

He sounds pretty damn' selfish!

 

Women are multi-orgasmic, so why not get him to get you to climax before full sex (either oral or hand), and then if you orgasm during sex great, if not, well at least you don't feel cheated.

 

I'm a bit concerned though about his attitude - he sounds really uncaring, to be honest. Sounds like you need to get him to wise up and quickly.

[Beyondthesea]

Don't let him come, it's that simple

 

Make sure he pleases you first or he doesn't get any.

 

And with that attitude? Maybe you should think about how much you really want to be with someone so unconcerned about your needs!

[Cardinal]

Definitely...why not just have him do oral on you until you have had at least one orgasm everytime. That should take the edge off and release that mental block.

 

He may also need to learn how to delay his own orgasm. He probably blows when he can tell you are getting excited.

 

Either way he is selfish. And this should have been discussed with him long ago!

[tylercdurden2004]

Next tiem you have sex stop him before he comes. Do this a few times and then talk to him about it!

 

Seriously though it sounds like hes not at all giving or understanding so I dont know how you could motivate him to pleasure you before sex. Unless he really likes foreplay.

 

I would talk to him and say you are unhappy and if it doesnt change you may have to give him his walking papers.

[Siriana]

Hey, the fact he comes before you is not a problem alone. Nope, the problem is that he's too tired (read:selfish) to please you after sex if you haven't come. Or not creative enough (again read:selfish) not to please you before sex if he already knows he will come first. Or not patient enough (read:selfish) to stop for a while or lower the tempo when is he close to come and you are just several seconds away from it.

 

I suggest telling him these 3 soulutions and if he's not interested in them or at least one of them how about finding a guy who is interested in pleasuring you?

 

About your feelings of resentment toward him - it is completely normal because you tolerated his behaviour for too long. Take it as a valuable lesson: ignoring something that bothers you in relationship creates resentment toward your partner and if you wait some more it becomes a deal braker. You have to solve problems when they appear, there is no use in waiting for things to fall in its place without dealing with them. You will feel the way you feel as long as you don't have a honest conversation with him. This is the only way for you to feel better and to sort things out with him. You need to know if he's interested in giving you what you need in sex or not. Than you will know what to do.

[waytoodown]

Thanks everyone!

I did talk to him today, I had tried more then once but he never really paid attention, so today I made sure he got the point of how badly this is bothering me. All he had to say for himself was pretty horrible, but he promised to try!....So all i can do right now is wait and see I guess!