Daligal83 Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 This might be more of a rant than anything, but I'm just fed up. I can't express how much I miss being at home with my friends, because even though I have some good friends here they're not consistently good friends. My friends at home accept me and love me and I don't doubt that. I have some friends here at school that I hang out with more than others...and they do a lot for me at times...but they are also SO critical of me, it's unbelievable. Usually it's just random lectures here and there about how I should have a car, how I don't eat right (they rarely actually eat with me so they have no idea), how I workout too much, etc. Tonight though, it was just too much for me. I went out with the two girls I'm close to, one girl's boyfriend and his sister who was visiting. They picked on me the entire time. First it was that I offered to help my friend clean her apartment because she moved recently, so that made me a sucker. They kept making comments like, hey my place is a mess, want to come clean it? Do you need to bring your own cleaning supplies? Don't forget the rubber gloves! Then I mentioned that another friend was letting me try on a couple dresses for when I go see my boyfriend for his department's semi formal. Apparently that was unacceptable, I should get a new dress for that kind of thing. Then they changed their minds and said I should be wearing the dress I wore to my best friend's wedding. I said it'd be nice to wear something he hasn't seen me in, so that's why I was trying on these dresses. They made such a big deal about how stupid that was and couldn't understand why I was doing it. I pointed out that borrowing a dress is free so who cares? Didn't matter. There was also that I workout too much again. I haven't even worked out the past two days, and they bring it up more than I do. There was ONE time last year that I worked out twice in one day, and they brought that up as evidence that I go overboard. Then one of my friends said that I was working out wrong because I lift weights, so she doesn't want to hear it that I'm gaining weight. I don't complain to her that I gain weight, and I want to be toned...so thereforeeee I lift. What's the problem? Then it was that I wasn't drinking enough. This is a constant conversation coming from one friend and the other girl's boyfriend. Apparently not drinking or only having one drink is "lame." I'm 23. I don't care if I'm "lame" or a "party pooper." That's all I feel like drinking. I'm not some undergrad going out trying to get drunk every night (no offense to undergrads). Can I point out that all this went down in the span of no more than two hours? I couldn't take it anymore. I basically stopped talking, and just went home. I feel like I can't reveal anything about myself anymore because it'll just come back to me somehow. Thanks to anyone who has actually read this far... As I've written this I talked to one of the girls...who said she is sorry, but will never ever comment about my life again cause it's none of her business. She's taking it to the extreme...but she's dramatic, that's what she does. Apparently they could all tell I was pissed, but just thought it was about the cleaning... Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 I am sorry you have to go through this....When they are picking on you what are your reactions? Do you react that actually fuels them on? I think that it would get a bit trying to hang out with these people if they are always like this. Have you ever said "enough is enough?" If you have and they still do this perhaps its time to look for a new social circle. Link to comment
NJRon Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Did you type that post out on your phone? Impressive... Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Share Posted September 10, 2006 haha no I left the bar after a couple of hours cause I was cold and sick of it. I actually just had a long talk with one of the girls. Apparently they had a long talk about me after I left. They thought I was just upset about the cleaning comments and that I should have told them to stop. In my mind, defending my choice to help her clean the entire time was speaking up, but they saw it as playing along. I explained to her about how it was all of it and I felt like I was being put down. She apologized but said that they thought they were my good friends and it was ok and that I should tell them to stop if I'm getting upset. We're just all very different and what I see as speaking up apparently isn't the same for them. My reaction was to defend myself. Like for the cleaning, I explained that I was helping out a friend because she expressed frustration over it and she does work full time and go to school full time. Their response...we're not making fun of her, we're making fun of you! But I guess they saw that as me playing along. It's just hard becuase my friends from home would know that I was pissed. I don't have to explain to them. My friends here may like me and like hanging out with me, but they don't get me. Link to comment
bigredvick Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 sounds like elementary school all over again. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Share Posted September 10, 2006 On my part or theirs? Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 They are new friends right? Well when you make new friends it takes time to "figure" them out. They can't know all about you and your quirks or vice versa through osmosis. I think you handled yourself maturely. Although the next time something like that happens you need to be firm with them. It will take some time but you know what.......college is where you make alot of your adult life friends. Chalk this up to people just not knowing when to quit. They now know you were mad so hopefully this won't happen again. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Share Posted September 10, 2006 Actually we've been friends for a year. I'm in grad school and this is my second (and last thank god!) year, after which I'll be going back to either my hometown or where I went to college (only an hour apart, boyfriend is in the college city). I've felt disconnected from them in a lot of ways through the whole friendship, but in other ways we do connect great and they are great friends so it's worth it. It's just those times that they come down on me that it gets rough. Apparently they don't think they're being harsh, but again, it's just personality differences. If they do it again, I'm definitely going to speak up. Still...if they could tell when I left that I was upset..then they should have been able to tell earlier and stopped. It wasn't weird that I left, I told them ahead of time I'd be leaving early, so they must have been able to tell by my reaction. Oh well... Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Wow, that sounds like a heck of a lot to go through. I had friends like that and it wound up making me feel stressed more that close to them. I have one friend now who whenever I say anything, is always like Well I am sure its not as bad as that, or I am sure so and so didnt mean it that way, and when she cant say that then its, Well its not as bad as I had it when... So it makes me feel like no matter what I say I am exaggerating, or not percieving things correctly (very irratating esp. when she didnt witness the situaton), or it could never be as bad as what she has been through. My friends tend to get on me about my school and that I work too hard and take it too seriously. I love them and all, but I totally get where you are coming from when you would like them to just stop. BTW with the whole cleaning of the apartment thing ~ I think that is AWESOME of you to help out. I would love it if one of my friends would offer to be that generous with their time. You rock! Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 Yea it's hard when everyone seems negative about what you say and is always contradicting you. Sometimes it's like, can you just agree with me for once? I know they care about me and love me, but it's hard to have a ton of friends who really do get me but they're so far away. But I guess we have to look at it like it takes more of their energy to disagree with everything we say than to just be ok with what we say and what we do, so it sucks more for them lol. And thanks for the cleaning situation compliment Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Yeah but it just gets old fast you know? Yeah to be agreed with once in a while would be nice. Ah well, maybe it will happen with the next group of friends I make, lol!! Love your energy theory. It cracked me up. The one friend who always disagrees with me was telling me tonight how tired she was!! Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Hahaha! That's amazing timing You know, my friends told me to speak up if they're doing things like that and it's bothering me. Maybe you should say something to your friend. Like when she's going on about how it could be worse you could stop her and say, "I know this isn't the worst situation in the world, but it's still frustrating for me and I'd appreciate you understanding that." She may not even realize what she's doing. I bet she thinks she's helping you by making you think you don't have it so bad. Link to comment
Siriana Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 You are dealing with immature and stupid people. I suggest you to find people who are normal, mature and respectfull. It looks like they already started to make you feel you're doing something wrong. You're not - they are jelous. Find some new friends and stop hanging around with them. Link to comment
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