has anyone visited theyre ex after being broke up?

[cinderelly65]

just wondering if any of you out there actually went to see your ex after you broke up and if so how did things go?

[NJRon]

I did... about 5 months after. Things went splendid. We got along as great friends. It was actually eerie how well we got along. But, I guess once the pressure of being in a relationship was removed, we could finally just be ourselves.

[Dako]

like NJRon, I have no trouble with it.

It's actually good to share old times, exchange news and enjoy eaach other just like old friends. Why not?

[rose2summer]

I saw my ex 6months after we broke-up,

 

And we are great friends now,

 

No romantic feelings from my end,

 

And he provides great advice for me,

 

Even on my relationships and such,

 

I don't suggest it for anyone though,

 

Until several months down the line,

 

Once the feelings have already absolved.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Lealing]

I've seen my ex about 4 or 5 times since we broke up last December. I live in the UK and he lives in France. The first time we met up was very emotional. We both cried but he was still adamant that the realtionship is over. In April he came over to the UK to collect some of his stuff. We had lunch together in a pub and he started crying afterwards. I tried to console him and told him that it doesn't have to be over for us but he was still adamant that we couldn't get back together.

 

Since April I have seen him two more times in France. In June I saw him and was really pleased to be with him. We talked loads about the relationship but he still wouldn't change his mind. I last saw my ex in July and it wasn't a very happy meeting. I came to realise that the relationship is really over. We hugged at the train station and I was crying and he also had tears in his eyes but he said to me that we should keep a distance. Since then he has reduced contact. We had been emailling each other about 4 or 5 times a week. We now have contact about once a week by email. Although I did telephone him the other day for the first time since I last saw him in July.

 

I'm now debating whether I should go over again to visit him in France. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't go over until a few months has passed as he said last time that we should keep a distance. I'm thinking maybe going later at the end of the year.

 

I know that people advise NC on this board and that I should move on. But I keep hanging on to the little glimmer of hope that maybe things can be fixed as we still love each other a lot. Perhaps I am just holding on to false hope?

[NJRon]

I know that people advise NC on this board and that I should move on. But I keep hanging on to the little glimmer of hope that maybe things can be fixed as we still love each other a lot. Perhaps I am just holding on to false hope?

 

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Yes, by all you have said, I think you are holding onto false hopes. Your last interaction in July should have provided you the closure you need to move on. It seems that he does care for you deeply and wants you to move on, but that he doesn't hold romantic love for you. Holding onto hope doesn't leave your hands free to embrace the future.

 

Not to hijack this thread

[Lealing]

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Yes, by all you have said, I think you are holding onto false hopes. Your last interaction in July should have provided you the closure you need to move on. It seems that he does care for you deeply and wants you to move on, but that he doesn't hold romantic love for you. Holding onto hope doesn't leave your hands free to embrace the future.

 

Not to hijack this thread

 

 

Hello NJRon,

 

Thanks for your insight into my situtation. I know what has to be done but in practise it's difficult to follow. I think that time will be the healing factor.

[BornToResist]

I have seen two of my ex's after our breakups, and they were both very different.

 

Ex #1 was not over me, but I was over him. It was very uncomfortable because I knew this and I have avoided him ever since. He's a sweety and we can talk on the phone just fine, but when it comes to seeing him, his hugs last a little too long and his looks are just a little too intense for my liking.

 

Ex #2 is one of my really good friends. We have mutual feelings of love for each other, but it is not romantic in any way. I couldn't be happier and we are very close.

 

It all depends on the people and the situation. Each one is completely different.

[SeaBisquit]

it depends on the person and how mature they are? some people can remain good friends with exes some people can't.

[Dako]

Lots of breakups involve truly painful issues like infidelity or violence, so it's harder, but even my sister is close to her ex who cheated on her and strangled her before leaving to marry the other woman.

I often wonder if it's a clue about the former relationship's health or the attractiveness of the ex as a friend.

It's just an option worth considering if you aren't bitter.

[beaglelover_06]

It is possible to become friends or even best friends with your ex. It is definitely NOT for everyone though it is possible too. One of my exes and I are still close friends. We talk and hang out still.

[joyce1412]

i think it's great when exes can get along, and many times indicates both parties' maturity, but personally, i think some people who want to be friends with their exes (specifically ones who were the dumpers) are seriously lowering their standards.

 

i think more often than not, people just can't take a relationship being so meaningful and then disintegrating into nothing. so they want to be friends just to hold onto some of the meaning, even if they were treated badly.

 

so i guess if nothing really went awry in the breakup, great, be friends if you're up for it. but it someone screwed you over or hurt you unnecessarily and you're still desperate to be friends...i don't get it.

 

me, i'm 98% sure i'll never be friends with this ex, and i feel fine about that. i think some people on the outside (i.e. mutual friends) may find me callous, especially since my ex wants to be friends with ME, but i think i'm the only person who truly knows how cruel my ex was, even though everyone heard the stories. sigh.