Seperating with kids?

[pure_guava]

I am in a huge delima.

 

Me and this girl (who had 2 children already), got engaged quickly.

 

She had been wishy-washy about commitment and made a few mistakes (cheating, but not sex.)

 

I bought a mobile home for us to live in (it was cheaper than rent) and my best friend who ran the park put it in my name, just "in case."

 

We have had our problems, on and off. We each said, "Don't do this" (a limit) and we each kept doing it for reasons as feeling no other option, etc. (no more cheating, though)

 

Recently, she did soemthing she shouldn't have done and I did something I souldn't have done and she ended the relationship, yet again (it's happened more than 10 times.)

 

Except this time it was over for her. She no longer cared for me the way she used to and didn't want to "Try and work on us" when she didn't care to be with me.

 

Regrettibly, I understand not wanting to if you don't feel the same.

 

Within a week she started dating someone, while we were still living together.

 

That really hurts.

 

She was a full time student with a part time job. She got help with student loans and grants.

 

I had a full time sales job and made good money.

 

I had ok (well, kinda ok credit) and she has excellent credit.

 

We used her credit to get the things we wanted and mostly my income to pay for it.

 

About 1 month before we broke up, I found an online opportunity and we used her credit to start it (about $1,500)

 

I have been able to support us the same as before, but now staying at home.

 

NOW THE ISSUE

 

We have been talking about how to start physically seperating and have had some problems.

 

We don't make enough money for either of us to live separately, unless I get a job to pay for my own apartment. This completely sucks, because I have been working 12 years to finally NOT have a regular job.

 

I asked my cousin (who is kind and not bitter), what I should do.

 

He said I should give her 30 days to find a place to live and she needs to move. We aren't married.

 

(I am more pissed at the supposed unconditional commitment of being engaged and promising to each other that even though we may feel different about each other sometimes, we owe it to the other person to try and resolve what is causing the unhappiness.)

 

The only place she can go is her mother's, which is a BAD place for 2 children to grow up in.

 

Now I don't know what to do.

 

Everyday is a constant reminder of someone who gave up on me and the children I used to be a father to and something needs to change.

 

But at whose expense?

 

I honestly want to say, "It's not my problem now." She was living before me and I would take all the debt until she could repay it.

 

She says life would be really stressfull if she had to start working more and had to move and she feels like this house is hers too.

 

The house is with my credit.

 

She also suggested I move back to Dallas and live with my parents, since it would be free.

 

I feel like I don't owe her anything any more.

 

"My heart changed and I can't control that" isn't an excuse for no consequences. Even if you didn't intend it.

 

Any advice on the seperating situation would be greatly appreciated.

[robowarrior]

You have an 'insightfull' friend. And should follow the line.

 

You need to emotionally distantiate yourself and look at the situation realistically.

 

-Its her decision to part from you, you have to respect that.

-Its her own responsibility to find her own space to live.

 

That is the result of her choice. It may lead to the better or worse for you, but now that the emotional bond is gone, you need to figure out your materialistical prospects, and make sure you don't get into a bad situation in the future.

[BellaDonna]

Hi and welcome to enotalone. This is just my opinion on the matter, hopefully others will offer help too....

 

This may sound harsh, BUT

 

 

She says life would be really stressfull if she had to start working more and had to move and she feels like this house is hers too.

 

It's not her house. You bought it and only your name is on it. She is not your wife.

 

You are no longer engaged. She broke up with you. You do not owe her anything. She decided to end the relationship and thereforeeee ending any situation she was in with you. That means that she has lost of benefit of you supporting her. You no longer have to be concerned with where she lives, how "stressful" her life would be if she had to work more, or what kind of mother her mom is.

 

I agree with your cousin, don't just kick her and the kids out- but give her a date by which she must leave. Be stern about it.

 

She also suggested I move back to Dallas and live with my parents, since it would be free.

 

That's quite rude, honestly. Why would you leave your home and let someone that dumped you live in it? If it's "ok" in her eyes for you to live with your parents, then she can live with her mother.

 

BellaDonna

[Bethany]

I'm with your friend and Belladonna, she MAY feel that it's her house, but it's not... It's yours.

 

It's unfortunate that she has children and it will be a wrench for them, but thats not your fault or your problem. If it's over, it's over. She's already moving on so its time she moved out.

[southerngirl]

I agree give her a date when she should be out and be firm about it. If after that date passes, go to the court and file for eviction.

 

This is your home in your name and not hers. She is not your wife. You may love the children and its not easy anyway you looka t this but those are not your children.

 

Wherever she goes from here it is not your problem. She broke it off with you and further, she insensatively has started seeing someone else while still living under your roof.

 

You no longer have to support her. Whatever you do, dont move out leaving her with your home that is in your name. That would be financially irresponsible and unfair to you.

 

She can go home to her mom. While its not the ideal situation thats what she needs to do now.