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Temptation.... Did I pass?


cassandra
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I went out with a male friend that I knew before I met my future husband tonight.... We kissed and made out back then but it never went further despite there being chemistry between us.

 

About 14months later (tonight) I meet up with him cos hes leaving Australia in 3 months just to see how each others going etc... Talked for a while then we go to leave and he comes over to my car and says that he's holding back from kissing me. Anyways we change subject and talk again etc... then he tries to make a move on me. I pulled back and said to him to go. I wont deny that i didnt want to kiss him i did but I didnt cos I love my man....

 

Even though i did nothing i still feel really quilty. Why would i be feeling this way and have i done anything wrong?

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You probably feel guilty because, even if you did the right thing, you feel as if your emotions have betrayed you. Instead of feeling guilty because your emotions didn't seem to behave the way you wanted them to, feel proud that you overcame them and did the right thing.

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so why is he still harassing me to sleep with him then. He said to me yesterday he has unfinished business. Now i'm the one with the guilts. My partner knew I was going said he trusted me not to do anything. And I havent but i feel like ive decived him. I hate this feeling. I hate being wanted by someone else while im in love with somreone so special...

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Perhaps you would feel better about how things went if you had very clearly shot him down when he made his first inappropriate comment, and left the situation. That is what I assume my g/f would do if she were in a similar situation.

 

1) Clearly this guy cannot be in your life anymore. The existence of someone who wants something more than platonic friendship is likely to be considered out of bounds by your b/f.

 

2) You should explain what happened to your b/f. Make it very clear that it was unwanted (assuming that's true) and that you didn't want to hide anything from your b/f.

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be very careful. that guilt you're feeling is manipulation coming from this guy. of course he has unfinished business, it's to get under yor skirt before he leaves. he can care less that you're in love. don't participate in the game. he'll have you and will be gone, leaving you in the mess you helped make. know where you stand, and have a backbone. what is happeneing to you, is what happened to me, and laet me tell you, it won't be worth it!

so you're tempted, that's human, how you act on it, now that is on you.

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Id just like to make it clear that I tell my bf everything he knew there was a chance he'd try and make a move. I cant deny that in my mind the idea was exciting. But why now after 14 months is he trying again. Its stressing me out. My engagement party's next week and I really didnt want to deal with all this S**T!

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let it go. that guy is a jerk. look at what you have. you tell your man everything, you share things. this jerk wants to "hit it and quit it" before he leaves to Australia.

of course it's exciting to be wanted, and desired, but look at who wants you, desires you, and is sincere to want and desire you for your whole life.

focus on your wedding plans, focus on you and your partner. this guy is manipulative, and is a sleaze. believe me, i saw it happen. it isn't pretty.

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Just decide that this guy is out of your life forever - don't keep him as a friend or casual friend. If he continues to contact you say to him how you feel it is innapropriate for you two to hang around toward your future housband. leave it to that - don't enter into any discussions - just dismiss him from your life. I guess this will solve you problem of feeling guilty.

 

Also your fiancee deserves that kind of respect. It is really great that you didn't to anything, but also I guess it takes one more step. Never meeting that guy on coffie again!

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Let it go. You didn't let him kiss you.

 

But this guy seems kind of jerky. Even if you are friends with him, he needs to still respect the fact that you have a fiance! Saying that he has unfinished business is just wrong now that you are happily with someone else.

 

Next time he wants to get together, don't do it unless you make it clear that it's just as friends and he shouldn't try anything. I'm sort of surprised your fiance was ok with this, knowing that this guy would try making a move.

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