confusedcheryl

In any case...i've finally broken it off with my bf. Hope i don't regret it!

I totally understand where you're coming from. In fact, if someone wrote a post exactly like mine, i'll tell her to run as fast as she can as well. But then again, it's different when you the person dealing with it. There's soo much more to think about rather than the plain facts you read in the post. I'm not telling her to put up with whatever he's dishing out...i'm just saying, i'm in the same position, and i've come to this site for a shoulder to cry on and ultimately i've realized that no one else can make the decision except for me. I just wanted someone to listen, not judge. That's just the way i feel, hope i don't offend anyone!

i think you should definitely clear this up before deciding to proceed or not. Get him into a room and call the ex on speakerphone. Ask her directly, in front of him, what the status of their relationship is. Sounds like he still cares for her, which is natural, i mean after all, they were once involved and wants to be there for her as a friend. Guys are quite insensitive, so he probably doesn't even realize he's hurting you by keeping in touch with her. If the ex says that they are currently more than friends, then you have your answer. If she backs up his story that they're platonic, then at this point your bf should come in and tell her not to contact him anymore (whether or not you get married!). Both of them should understand the situation, after all, how would your bf feel if you're providing a shoulder to cry on for your ex! After that, have a long talk with him and make it clear to him that he has to be honest with you about everything, even on matters that will upset you. Slowly build up the trust from there. I think you guys still have hope!

hi..i'm in the exact same position as you now and i've come to this site hoping to get some answers. but, most of the replies i get are very textbook. basically, everyone tells you to get rid of the guy cause honestly it's the most obvious thing to do. no offense to those who've replied to my post. but i know how you're feeling, and of course you know that dumping him is the mentally right thing to do...but in your heart you just know that there's still hope. so honestly, you know your guy the best...you have to trust your heart and be the one to decide if he's worth it or not. i know my post doesn't really help you solve anything...but i was in the same position and i felt quite frustrated reading replies that told me point blank to just dump him. but i felt that no one really understood how i felt. so i'm just here to tell you that i understand how you feel and what you're going through. and although sometimes it feels like you're the most unlucky girl in the world and that you're all alone...know that there's many ppl out there who are dealing with much worse things. maybe sometimes it's good stop and smell the roses, enjoy the sunrise etc. focus of the more positive things in your life. we'll get through this...i promise! =)

my gut tells me that he doesn't mean to hurt me. but i just don't think he realizes how much it hurts.. and i don't think he'll cheat on me again. But i think he'll lie about something else in the future.... If it's innocent lies..should i just put up with it?

if you think he's worth the trouble, why don't you try reverse phsychology? Most often guys don't know what he's doing hurts the other party so much. So put him in your shoes. That's what happened with my friend. One day she was so pissed off, she called him every 30 min to ask where he was and what he was doing and who he was with etc etc etc. After a few days, he finally snapped and told her she was being really irritating. And she casually said, well now you know how it feels. And he got it. So now they're ok. Guys are really dense like that. I guess they only think about stuff from their point of view. Obviously, telling him how you feel doesn't work. I know this feels like you're playing mind games with each other. And there's no guarantee that he'll get it at all. But if you really think you love him, then it's worth the try? Just my two cents..

Latest! He just used tea light candles to spell out the words "I love you" on the road that my window looks out on to. Btw it's 2am here now! What should i do?

thanks for the replies! and seriously, if someone else put up a post like mine...i would be the first one to tell that girl to run far far away from this guy. but i really just don't get it. if he's interested to be with other girls, why does he still show so much love to me? It'll be so much easier if he was showing all the classic signs of cheating like getting angry at the smallest things, or spending less time with me etc etc. But it's the exact opposite! Yes i know he's fully capable of saying "i love you" to any girl. But it's different when (aside from these incidents), he puts in so much effort to show me that he loves me. And we've been best friends before we got together...and i know for a fact that he never treated his previous girlfriends like this. And yes, the thing that is haunting me is if there are other things he's not telling me cause i just haven't found out yet. I think he just doesn't realize what a big deal lying is to me. He thinks that as long as he doesn't do anything physically and if his intentions with the girls are purely platonic (regardless of what the other girls think)...that it's ok. Am i being too petty about the whole thing? I mean, he promised after the first time that he wouldn't cheat again and technically he didn't. His friends are msging me daily to tell me that he's taking it pretty bad. He's starting drinking (and he doesn't drink!) and he'll just wander the streets alone. And the other night, he drove and parked outside my house and slept in the car the whole night. He's even said that he's willing to give up the company and all his capital to me, just as long as i take him back. I really don't understanding. Would the guy try so hard to make me happy during our relationship and try to win me back now...if he didn't really love me or wasn't really sorry?

there will always be temptation. It's how you handle it that matters! You definitely did the right thing..and there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Hi all, this time i'm really desperate and i really need someone to tell me what to do. It's a really long story...so pls be patient. My bf and i have been together for 7 years, since our sch days. I'm currently 24-yrs old and he's 26. Last year, we decided to start a company together. This company is registered under my name, but the capital came from us both. Before this, he was working as an art teacher in a secondary school. 3 months before we opened the company, he cheated on me with one of his students! This girl is 17 years old!! They went out a couple of times, fetched her around in my car, held hands and kissed once. It was the girl who initiated everything. They never had sex, but i still think that as long as he has physical contact like holding hands and kissing, it's considered as cheating. He said after they kissed, he felt really guilty and ended everything with her. I found out about it just before starting the company because one of his friends accidently mentioned about it. And i had to drill the rest of the information out from him. I was crying so hard and we had to sit there for at least 4-5 hours as he slowly, bit by bit, admitted to everything. Even after i found out, he couldn't come clean and tell me everything without me having to force it out from him. We broke up for a week but then i finally decided to give it another shot because i really do love him and we've been together for so long!! I know that he loves me too and he never had any intention of leaving me for this girl...but he just wanted to have some fun. So after that we started the company together and everything went ok. Of course, my trust in him was crushed and i was really paranoid...constantly checking his phone for suspicious calls/msgs. He knows i do this...but he also understands that he did give me a reason to be doubtful. But then knowing this..i think he purposely deletes certain msgs and received calls that he doesn't want me to know about. So a few months down the road, i find out that he's been talking to this other girl on the phone and purposely hiding it from me. He claims it's totally innocent, but they only talk and msg in the middle of the night when i'm sleeping next to him!! Apparently, they did meet up before but with a group of other mutual friends. I believe that this was platonic, as they msgs were just simple "how are you" type. I believe it was the girl who keeps calling him and msging him...but he was the one who entertained her calls/msgs. Even in the middle of the night. He knows that i'm really paranoid from the previous experience, so he purposely hid this from me. Eventually, i forgave him and got back together. Then after that, one morning, i used his phone to msg one of our mutual friends. But in his composed msg box was this msg saying "ok dear i'm going to sleep now. love you". i confronted him about it and he admitted to typing it but said he never did send it out. It was apparently meant for his ex girlfriend (from 7 yrs ago!!) and it wasn't in his sent msgs folder. He did tell me before that his ex gf and him would once in a while msg each other just to say hi and how's it going. And i was fine with that. For the sake of the company, we got back together. Then a few days ago, someone msged him to call him back. Casually, i checked it and called back, making him pick up. It was the 17-yr old student from the first incident. My bf initially pretended to not know who she was. But i knew cause it;s not something i can ever forget. I spoke to the girl on the phone and told her that we were planning to get married and get a house etc (we did talk about it before, but no concrete plans) and asked her why she keeps butting into our lives. She told me that they've been together ever since the last incident and they've held hands and kissed and met up almost every week. But the thing is...i'm with him pretty much every waking moment! He stays at my place, we go to work together and everything!! But i confronted him anyway, and he said she was lying. His story was that 2 months ago, she called him asking for help with her art exam piece. He had even asked his mother (who used to teach the same class and knew about the previous incident) and his mum said he should help because it's his responsibility as their teacher. I called his mum and she verified this. But she also warned him not to do anything. So they met up 3 times...each time they weren't alone and he helped her classmates with their art as well. But he admitted that there was one time where she put his hand on hers...that's it. But he didn't pull away. And they haven't met up since. But i didn't believe him cause that's not what the other girl said. Then the 17yr old girl calls me again to say that she was sorry and admitted that wat she said previously was a lie. And that she just wanted to have him for himself. She said that she didn't expect me to pick up and she didn't know what to do so she lied. But after speaking to her friends, she decided to come clean and admit it. So i asked her what the real story was....and her story checked out with his story. So now...althought he didn't really cheat..i think there's major trust issued here!! He didn't tell me about it cause he knew i'd be upset...but still that's not a good enough reason!! And the thing is that it's not the first time he's lied! Other than the above incidents. Our relationship is a dream! He's the most loving and most caring guy i know and he really really takes care of me!He's my best friend and he's always there for me. It'll be the perfect relationship, if not for these few incidents. So i just don't understand why he feels the need to lie. He says he just couldn't bear to risk losing me. but dishonesty is never an answer!! Especially if he's done it before and we've broken up so many times because of it before!! I just need help. Again, he promises to change and that he'll never do me wrong again. He's been calling me and msging me every day! But i still see him once in awhile because of our company. But it just leads to me screaming at him and him apologizing again. I'm just sooo sick and tired of this. How many times must we have the same argument about trust? And now he says that he was planning to propose within the next year. And that he's even spoken to his parents about it. This is not an issue, as i'm not gonna let it pressure me in making my decision. But if he's really serious about us...why doesn't he just be honest with me? And it very complicated now...because of this company we have together. I can't just kick hiim out cause then it won't be fair to him. I mean business is business. I'm not going to let our personal issues affect the company...and he has invested capital in this as well. What do i do now? Do you think there's still hope for us? I still really really really love him and i believe he really really loves me too. I just feel he doesn't realize how much he's hurting him, even though i've told him many many times before. What if he still doesn't get it?