is he just stringing me along?

[missmebaby]

my ex and i have been through it all since we broke up 3 weeks ago. we went through a few days of no contact, a few days of little contact, a couple days of jealousy and fighting, a day or so where we hung out just as friends for a couple hours n just talked...and now we are kind of "talking and seeing how things go" with a possibility of getting back together as he puts it. it all started like 5 days ago when i asked him to go to a concert with me and he didnt want to go. he said alls we would do is fight. well i guess i made him feel kinda bad and he gave in and came with me. we had a great night, i was making him laugh and i was flirting with him and we didnt fight at all. well we ended up hooking up that night and it was one of the best times ever. he kept saying how amazing it was and then he brought up the subject of us.

 

he asked me if this was the last time we were gonna hang out and he asked me how i felt about getting back together. he said he wasnt sure what he wanted anymore and that tonight made him think he might want to get back together. he said we didnt fight at all and it made him think that we could work things out. its like he was a totally different guy. he was being really sweet and it seemed like he really did want to get back together. he said he still didnt know what he wants but he wants to keep talking to me and hanging out and see how it goes. he said if its meant to be it will be. instead of getting right out of my car when i got to his house to drop him off, he sat there and wanted to talk about us and what was going to happen between us and he wanted to know what i wanted. before i left he kissed me and said he would call me sometime, then leaned back into the car to kiss me on the cheek. well after the night we had just had together i thought for sure he would call me the next day...but it didnt happen. it really hurt my feelings and made me think he regretted it or something. but he did call me the next day, early in the morning and we talked for awhile. he said he didnt regret it at all and when i asked him if he was still thinking about getting back together he said "i never said i wanted to get back together, i just said we would hang out and see how things go. i told you i still have feelings for you but right now i dont want to be with anyone. but that doesnt mean i wont change my mind sometime soon." he asked me to come over for awhile which i did and once again we had another good day with no fighting, and we hooked up again.

 

afterwards i said i was going to leave because i had to meet my friend at the mall. he said "so you're just going to have sex with me and leave right away?" and he seemed kind of upset and asked me to stay for awhile longer so i did. when i left he gave me a hug and a kiss and said he would call me tomorrow. well he did call me in the morning the next day and i mentioned hanging out again. he said he had to go to a party his boss was having and he said i could come with him if i wanted to. so i came with him and once again we had a good day together. on the way back to his house we had a little argument because he said he didnt know if he wanted to get back together because i was already talking to other guys and i go out all the time. i said "well im not just going to wait around for you." and he said "you would if you really cared about me." i tried to explain to him that i couldnt wait around for him forever because what if he kept saying that we might get back together and keep leading me on and then decides that he doesnt want to be with me or finds someone else then where does that leave me?? he said that he doesnt know when hes going to know what he wants. it could be days, weeks, or months but he still wants to talk to me and hang out with me and see how things go.

 

once we got back to his house he invited me in even though it was a saturday night and he always goes out with his friends on the weekend. he said he wanted to spend the whole night with me and just hang out. this made me really think that we might get back together. we just spent the whole night having a good time laughing and flirting and we laid there together in his bed just cuddling and he kept kissing me. we did fool around a little but even after that he was being a total sweetheart, kissing me on the cheek and the forehead and he said "i just want you to know that im keeping track of nights like this, and taking notes." i asked him what he meant and he said that he was remembering the good nights we have been having lately and he would use them in his decision of whether to get back together or not. he even told me that he has missed me. when i tried to leave he wouldnt let me, he begged me to stay the night so i did. it just made me so happy that he was acting this way and wanted to spend time with me. the next morning when i left he told me he would call me but he didnt the whole day, until like 1:30 in the morning that night when he was drunk and about to crash at his friend's house for the night. he asked me what i was doing and i told him that i was partying on campus and he asked me if a guy was there that i have kind of been talking to since me and him broke up. i told him he was and he got jealous and angry and said "see i know how you are." and i tried to tell him that i didnt want anything to do with that guy and he calmed down a little and said he "might" call me in the morning. well he did call me at like 10:00 the next morning when he was headed home from his friend's house but he didnt want to talk long, and when i asked him why he said he didnt want to use all his cell phone minutes and that he would call me when he got home.

 

well he never called me and that was like 5 hours ago. ive tried calling his house and cell phone numerous times and he doesnt answer or call me back. i just dont understand him at all. i cant figure out if hes just using me, or if his feelings really have kind of changed and hes thinking about getting back together or what. is he just telling me these things because he doesnt want me to move on or find someone else?? its just like whenever we're together things seem so good but then once i leave he doesnt call me or really want to talk to me when he does call me. does anyone have any ideas of what he may be thinking or what his plan is?

[Relationship Coach]

Why should he commit to getting back with you? He has all the benefits of a relationship without strings. EX SEX is a big NO NO! It may be comforting to you but it also keeps your emotional attachment to him strong. It also keeps him from having to make any decisions about getting back with you. He gets what he want and when and has no real obligations to call you, respond to your calls or anything! You need to explain to him that this pseudo-relationship isn't healthy for you and it needs to end now. Take control from him and don't buy into to his acts of affection and kindness. It's either all or nothing because he is satisfied with the way things are and you are not!

 

RC

[SarahRose]

Stop having sex, kissing, and cuddling with him.

 

He is getting all the benefits without having to do anything. He can stop over, get some, and be on his way.

[DN]

It seems to me that both of you are plying games a little here - he is worse but you are also playing a little because it appears you are trying to make him jealous and that is backfiring.

 

Why not have a talk with him and say that if both of you want to get back together now is the time to do that - not at some point in the future while at the same time you are having sex and no one is sure who wants what.

 

If he won't agree to that then walk away.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Yikes! He wants all the perks of having a girlfriend without the committment. STOP having sex with him!!! You want to know why you are not getting a straight answer from him about your furture?? Because you are still hooking up and notice how he behaves when you get upset about your future with him and how you cannot wait for him forever? He acts like a baby because he feels he is not going to have his cake and eat it to.

 

Please, if you want the hurt and confusion to stop....cease all intimate contact with him. All contact for that matter. You deserve more. I am so sorry things have been confusing a tough but you are going to hurt 100 times more a month or two from now if you continue having sex with him. Take care and really guard your heart.

 

(((hugs)))

[jenny_mcs]

First, let me say I agree with everyone who has posted above. Also, this is just....ugh...

 

he said "i just want you to know that im keeping track of nights like this, and taking notes." i asked him what he meant and he said that he was remembering the good nights we have been having lately and he would use them in his decision of whether to get back together or not.

 

 

This guy is basically "drunk" with all the power he thinks he has over you. Notice how he assumes he alone will be making the decision about whether or not to get back together? Notice how he thinks he can do whatever he wants (he can go out with his friends all he wants, have sex with you whenever he wants, and throw a tantrum when you don't act the way he wants?)

 

Yuck. Don't give him this power over you. For your own peace of mind and self-respect, stop being sleeping with him and letting him play games with you.

[missmebaby]

wow i never thought getting back together could be so confusing. this past week its seemed like he really does want to get back together. on my previous post i was upset because he hadnt called me back or anything all day when he said he would but he did finally call me back and he apologized but said he had been helping his dad all day and he told me in detail everything that they did so i believe him. he asked me to hang out that night because he really wanted to see me. i wasnt so sure at first if it was a good idea but he literally begged me so i finally gave in. we had such an amazing night together and he asked me to hang out every night after that and we had a great night every night this whole week. no fighting, lots of kissing and cuddling, him apologizing over and over again for ever being a jerk to me, he says he wants to change for me and hes going to change and be a better guy. he says his feelings are coming back and he likes me more and more every time he sees me. he even calls me alot more than he usually ever did.

 

one night we did get into a fight because i found out that he had talked to his ex gf and hung out with her a few times like 2 weeks ago. this was the same ex gf that went psycho when me and him got together and constantly called him, texted him, and always tried to break us up. this is the same ex gf he also cheated on me with 6 months ago. so obviously i was very upset and tried to leave and told him i didnt want anything to do with him. but he wouldnt let me leave and he kept apologizing and saying over and over that he doesnt want anything to do with her, it was a mistake and he doesnt talk to her anymore, its been over a week since he last talked to her and he swears they didnt do anything sexually, just went out for a drink because he thought they could maybe be friends. he swore that he wants me and only me and so once again i forgave him. he tells me every day that he wants to keep talking to me and hanging out with me and that hes happy with the way things are going and if they keep up then he will definitely want to get back together. i really thought with how good things were going and how much attention he was paying me and how he kept saying how happy he was that we were going to get back together.

 

but the last day or 2 when we've hung out he's been a little less affectionate and a little less talkative then the first few times we hung out this week. when i asked him about it he said he still definitely wants to talk and hang out with me and his feelings havent changed at all. then today he doesnt call me all day so i call him around 6:00 and he says hes getting ready to leave so he cant talk right now and he will call me in like 20 mins. so he doesnt call me back until 40 mins later. i ask him what hes doing tonight and he tells me hes going to the bar. somehow in the conversation he mentions the fact that hes meeting some 30 year old woman (hes 21) that his brother has been trying to hook him up with. he says shes coming to hang out with them but she isnt coming out just to meet him and hes not going to do anything with her or anything. he said "i might have went home with her last week, but not this week because me and you are talking again." well we talk for about 10 mins and i ask him if he still wants to keep talking and hanging out with me and he says yes hes sure he still wants to because things have been going good. then he says hes going to go and he might call me later. if not later, then tomorrow. am i just thinking into this too much or expecting too much, or is he acting kind of weird???

it seems like hes all about me during the week but on the weekend he doesnt care if he even talks to me. then theres the fact he hung out with his ex gf even after all the problems she caused, and then hes going to see the 30 year old that he wanted to hook up with before me and him started talking again. does anyone have any ideas of what i should do?? should i let him know that i want to be with him, or should i back off and let him control the flow of things and see what happens?

[kellbell]

Hey Missme,

 

He is not interested in getting back together with you. Go by his ACTIONS, not his words. He is meeting other women at bars, he is talking to ex's, he does not call you as often, he does not invite you out, cops an attitude with you, he only seems to have time for you when it is convinent for him and when kissing and cuddling and what have you is involved.

 

I know you want to get back together with him and you are hanging on to every detail that may mean he wants to get back together. He is playing you and you are letting him. I strongly recommend you stop hanging out with him and cut him out your life...for good. You deserve more than he willing to give. Why settle for crumbs when you can have the whole pie?

[majord23]

Hey Missme,

 

He is not interested in getting back together with you. Go by his ACTIONS, not his words. He is meeting other women at bars, he is talking to ex's, he does not call you as often, he does not invite you out, cops an attitude with you, he only seems to have time for you when it is convinent for him and when kissing and cuddling and what have you is involved.

 

I know you want to get back together with him and you are hanging on to every detail that may mean he wants to get back together. He is playing you and you are letting him. I strongly recommend you stop hanging out with him and cut him out your life...for good. You deserve more than he willing to give. Why settle for crumbs when you can have the whole pie?

 

 

100% agree.

 

Missmee, he is playing you like a fiddle - he has NO intention of getting back together with you at the moment. Cut him off and go NC.

[LovinIt]

I have been in your same situation. He has made me feel bad for going out and having a good time with guys friends, saying, "thats just your personality" but screw that. We cannot wait around forever, and honestly, if they want us to care about them, they need to care about us, and be making just as much as an effort. I dont like your man. I think he sounds like mine, and he sounds like a total jerk. You will only be treated how you let someone treat you. Dont put up with this. NC is hard, but try to just do your own thing. If he loves you, he will make it work.