Cravings... need help

[Moon Goddess]

I haven't been to eNotalone in some time so I know I don't deserve help, but anyone who does help will be very appreciated.

 

A month now I have been depressed, normally I could cope with music and poetry but now that isin't working. I want to cut....badly. 3 times I've come very close to it but my ex-bf and my 2 best friends stopped me. I want to cut and yet I don't beacuse I will be hurting the people that care about me and I never want to hurt them. Thing is no one knows I'm deppresed because when they ask how I am I say I'm good and focus on their life to draw attention away from mine. I don't want to worry others with my problems but it has reached a point where I have to so I come so eNotAlone for guidance and some help.

 

If anyone is gonna ask what is triggering my depression and cravings it's the problems in my life. I can't take them one-by-one and fix them. Trust me I've tried. No one knows what happening inside, but I am really deppresed I cry almost everyday, I don't go out with friends anymore, if they come to my house I barely pay attention to them. I've been suffering in silence for a month, I want to cut to get it all out.

 

I know I don't deserve help but if anyone can it will be very very appreciated, if anyone can find the kindness in there heart to just say "Hang in there" it would be wonderful

 

Love always, Moon Goddess

[rose2summer]

MG,

 

Hang in there

 

I know you are going through a rough patch,

 

But it seems you haven't identified the root of the problem,

 

Have you tried therapy to discuss what you are feeling,

 

Cutting is a method used to get help because you are scared,

 

It's only going to hurt your body physically, scar you, and make you hurt more,

 

What exactly are these problems that you are having a tough time with,

 

Cutting won't make these problems go away,

 

I really care and I am here to help,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Caine]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation.

 

First off, you haven't cut because you don't want to hurt your friends, and for that a big WELL DONE, that already shows your making the effort and you consider others feelings, which is great considering your depressed. You may need to go on anti-depressants, at least if you take them they may help you out and you would be able to think more clearly in solving the problems in your life, as your probably all mixed up and confused right now.

 

I can't comment on the problems in your life as I don't know the what the problems are, but here's something you can try,

1) write down what the problem is.

2) Write down all of the possible soloutions.

3) Write down all of the possible outcomes to those soloutions.

4) Except the outcome you have chosen, it is then easier to deal with the problem as you have already excepted the outcome.

Also say to yourself, what's the worst that will happen in that outcome? Woll I die? Will I go to prison? try not to worry and keep yourself busy, the mind has little time to worry when it's busy.

And yes 'hand in there' everything will work out for you, everything sorts itself out in the end, unfortunately it does take time, just be patient, tell yourself not to worry, and take one day at a time.

[avman]

Hi Moon Goddess,

 

If you really have a strong urge to cut, try another method of release that does not cause you physical injury.

 

• Crush a nice square ice cube in your hand really hard. It hurts and provides a similar effect to cutting - but without actually causing you any injury.
  
• Take a rubber band and snap it on your wrist.
  
• Do some heavy physical exercise. Work out. Hit a heavy bag. Run. Ride a bicycle.

Try these techniques and see if they provide you some relief.

[Tigris]

Go to your doctor and talk to him/her about it. Tell them in great detail what is happening to you.

 

It sounds to me like you need medication just to help you get over the worst of it and then you can 'take charge' again. That's exactly what happens when I get stressed out and want to self harm again.

 

Good luck and take care.

[jaiva]

You have to figure out what is causing you to want to cut. Most cutters cut because they are under great emotional distress and the pain helps them to temporarily 4get about what is causing them to be upset but they will always feel the need to cut again once the physical pain resides.

 

Jaiva

 

[Relationship Coach]

Your absense from here is no cause to apologize or feel your post is not worthy of a response! Quite often people drift in and out of here for various reasons.

 

As for your desires to cut, continue to find the strength to refrain from doing it. Do it for yourself not others. Yes, you may hurt others by doing it and then they feel that they have failed you but look at it a different way, being able to control your own weakness is now your strength. Snap yourself on the side of your thigh with a rubber band. This is a very sensitive area full of nerves. Hang in there!

 

RC

[shyguy931]

Hang in there ^.^, I know how you're feeling. Avman had good ideas that I used when I was under depression, I felt like cutting or doing anything to release the sadness and anger I had inside, twice I was admitted into hospital from attempting to slit my wrists,

 

Maybe you shouldn't go see a doctor because the medication does weird things, (moodswings and it sometimes used to make me go very violent). So yeah, Try punching something that won't hurt you if you do punch and actually break it. Well I probably haven't helped much.

[NKP]

Hey why didnt you tell me you were really down? you dont have to act happy on msn to me if you are really not okay. Avman said sme good ideas you should try them out. Well if you ever need to talk i am always here you know that, you helpedm out at my worse and its the least i could do

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Hey MG,

 

Wow long time no talk huh. Babe you know we are all here for you and love you very much. You say you don't want to hurt your friends well have you thought that by holding it all in and getting closer and closer to he point of cutting that your hurting them more? Your friends would want to be there for you just like everyone here and myself ok.

 

Please keep being strong and fight this. You can do it MG you really can. Please don't try and hide everything inside. Talk to someone whether it be a school councillor or something. You don't have to say what you feel like doing but at least that way you get a whole lot of stuff off your back.

 

MG you will never know how much you mean to people, youdon't need to pretend to be strong. People love you for you ok.

 

love always rozi!

 

PS hang in there darling!

[Managor]

Hi Moon Goddess,

 

If you really have a strong urge to cut, try another method of release that does not cause you physical injury.

 

• Crush a nice square ice cube in your hand really hard. It hurts and provides a similar effect to cutting - but without actually causing you any injury.
  
• Take a rubber band and snap it on your wrist.
  
• Do some heavy physical exercise. Work out. Hit a heavy bag. Run. Ride a bicycle.

Try these techniques and see if they provide you some relief.

 

Those are some great ideas. I doubly like heavy exercise, especially running.

 

Don't feel like you'll make friends worry if you tell them you've been depressed and whatnot lately. I'm sure they'll be glad to know they can help you by listening and offering advice.

[Moon Goddess]

Thank you all for your time, it really means alot to me. I'm sorry kita for not saying anything to you, but I didn't want to worry you with my problems. I can't really go to therapy or conseling bcuz then my Mom would find out and I don't want that. My brother has deppresion and I don't want her to think she is a bad Mom, plus I'm not gonna worry her with stupid teenage stuff.

 

I do work out, I "torture" my body constantly with abdominals and stuff like that(especially now that I'm taking P.E.)

 

I do hang on because of my friends, and I know that I may be hurting them by just suffering in silence. I have to go to my youth group right now so I will reply more tomorrow.

 

Really Thanks to you all that took time to read my post and reply. I appreciate it soooo much! I will be posting more soon. Thanks for being there and for your kind words.

 

Luv always, MG

[NKP]

Hey its okay but you know you can talk to me, i would rather know that your upset than you hiding it from me. Hope you feel good about yourself soon.

 

Take care,

 

Kita

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I agree with Kita. Darl you have been there for me when i thought no one was. So if you ever need someone to talk to just email me or PM me or anything. I'm here to help you darl and i can take it.

[Moon Goddess]

Thanks you 2 you made me cry, well let me see if I can take some time to sit down and write down my problems so I can atleast know what all of them are. Also I have noticed something that might not be so good I'm pushing away my friends **maybe** because of the fact that I don't cut because of them so by pushing them away it would be easier to cut. I don't know it's just a thought I had now. Thanks huns for being there for me it really means alot. You don't know how much.

[NKP]

Hey MG dont do what i did please dont push friends away, friends are for good and bad times, and you have made alot of peoples lives alot easie and helped alot and now you need your friends to help you. If you try to push me away i am not going anywhere okay i will alway be here for you sweetie. So instead of cutting talk to anyone people care about you and will always be here for you, none of us want to see yo hurting.

 

Take care,

 

Kita

[Moon Goddess]

I know kita Thanks so much for the support. I really haven't made a big diference in people's lives I just help them where I can. I'll try not to push them away(although it's gonna be hard) I'll promise I'll try.

 

Some of the reasons of my depression:

1.Friends not happy and I can't help

2.Best friend pushing me away

3.Not having the person I love and not knowing if he even thinks about me

4.Friends not caring much, and not trusting

5. Little communication with family

6. Past hurting(This one is one of the most hurting)

7.Breaking the heart of someone who loves me

 

That's all that I can think of now, there is more I know but they don't come to mind, thanks kita for being there for me. Thank u so much.

 

Luv always, MG

[Dregnought]

Awww MG... why didnt you say anything? The same with Kita and Rozi - we all much prefer to know and help then to not know do nothing until you get to the point of how one of my best friends were... *shudders* that was scary and u know who im talking about hun.

 

Kita's right hun... don't push people away. We are all friends of yours MG, good one's as well. Next time Your online in the arve, i'll try get Rozi and Kita to join us in a multi-convo... if it's ok with you of course. I'm sure everyone would love it. Espically you.

 

3.Not having the person I love and not knowing if he even thinks about me

Hun - he's right you know... you 2 tried it b4 and it didnt work. i can only agree with him - sooner or later your just gonna have to get over him. Preferbly sooner.....

 

5. Little communication with family

So why aren't you on yahoo? where you can actually talk to your family??

 

Remember what i said on msn... you have to be optimistic... otherwise you will never be truly happy. anyway i have to go...

Take care adn dont do anything stupid.

[Moon Goddess]

Thanks for taking time to respond, it means alot. I know but I didn't want to worry others with my problems, you have your own.

I want to get over him but it's so hard, I've tried almost everything and I just can't. I will call my family this week see how they are going, hopefully that will help and yes I would like the multi-convo, that might help. Well I have to go be posting more soon

 

Thanks, Luv always. MG

[Dregnought]

Hun everyone has thier problems. But we're all close friends, You, Rozi, Kita, Me (well.. Rozi and Kita have only met recently i think) but the point is that you've helped all of us... and we help you back. It's one of the best things about being close to friends. We don't even want anything back, except for you to get better. And if you dont - we try again and harder. Over and Over and Over again. Until you get better... or the worst happens, or something big enough happens as to we can't help for whatever reason... you have everyone on ena. Everyone who's replied to this topic and many many more people who come on this site do so for only one purpose - thats to help people. And this includes you. So come on... no more hiding when your not ok.. please....

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

MG, we are going to worry about you. You're our friend and we want to be there for you. Thats what friends do. Once again i agree with kita don't push your friends away. You just hurt yourself and them a lot more. The things that you have mentioned are horrible. But they are facts of life.

 

As much as you'd love to you can't fix everyone. Sometimes they need to help themseleves before anyone else can. Your best friend must be hurting if they are pushing you away. All you can really do is be there for them. Love them and make sure they know you care. Dalr guys come and go. I thought i was in love once. For two years i wasted my time wishing hoping and crying just wanting him to love me. But you can't make someone love you. It just doesn't work that way. Its hurts so much i know that but theres really nothing you can do. Ok friends do float in and out of our lives but its the gud friends that stay forever. Its them who stick out there and love you no matter what happens. Look for them because sometimes you don't notice there theyre until to late! Communication with family is something you can help. You can try and talk to them more and catch up but remember its a two way streak they have to be willing to want this as well. And as for breaking the heart of someone who loves you, It isn't your fault that they love you and that you don't love them. They will hurt but it would hurt alot more if you lead them on then they found out you didn't feel the same. What your doing is right. You have to do it. Some pain lasts forever. It will never truly fade. But you have to beat it. Don't just take it. Darl you can't waste your life away cecause of the past. You have to look to the future and make the best possible life you can.

 

Looking over your list they all had something in common. You don't have control over many of them. Theyre facts of life. You can't just ruin your life because you can't change it. Change what you can but accept what you can't.

 

MG i'm always here for you to PM or whatever ok. If you ever need to talk i'm here for you. Keep strong babe.

[Moon Goddess]

Thjanks to you both for being there it really helped alot, last night I felt so bad I really wanted to cut but I didn't only cuz of you guys. I know I can't change many things but some I just don't want to accept. I will try not to push my friends away, many people have hurt and used me that's why I am so weak, I **may** start fighting back. Oh 2 more things to add to the list:

1. Fights with Mom (not serious just little ones)

2. The person I was telling you guys about is in love with someone else... He told me, he described her as beautiful, gorgeous, smart, fun .... This took alot of my self-esteem from me. I love him so much and he loves her the worst part she has a bf so she don't want him. I should be happy but I'm not cuz all I want is HIS happiness, I don't care about mine.

 

Thanks so much Dreg I took your advice and started going on yahoo more, building up family relashionship. Atleast that's something good going on in my life. Thanks aswell I won't hide when I'm not ok I will tell someone, that's what friends are for I guess.

 

Thanks for being there huns. I love you 3 very much(you don't know how much) Muahz

[NKP]

I am so proud of you for not cutting, i know how hard it is not too.

[Dregnought]

Yea, i'm also very proud of you hun, both for going on yahoo and not cutting. When should you be online next? we must talk soon....

What about my sister? Last time I talked to her she seemed ok but i'm not sure if she knows.... With KC she is strong, they are strong.... draw from that strength hun. They'll want you to.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Babe i agree. We are all so proud of you for fighting this. Keep being strong MG we know you can. You've beaten it befor and you can do it again. *hugz*