3rd contact - I broke NC

[river dog]

We have had 2 previous, unplanned meetings. One in passing where we didn't talk and a more significant meeting yesterday. You can see my description of that one here.

 

 

 

Today is the day she normally comes up my street for her work and I had been planning on breaking NC today, even before yesterday's meeting.

 

I made sure to be working on my car in the garage. Happy music on the CD player and whistling whilst I worked. Rather than playing games, I actually started to enjoy myself. The sun is shining and the sky is blue here today - as usual

 

She drives down my street, dead on time. I take a deep breath as I fix a tail light with my back to her, watching her reflection. I am not afraid but I will not chase her anymore. She comes to me for a while or not at all.

 

The original plan was to see where we stood. Give her an opportunity to be around me without pressure from either side. She needs to feel safe.

 

Same as yesterday, she is really happy to see me, but then I am thinking "Oh no, I forgot about the friendzone! That may be where I am putting myself". Nevetheless, I give her the biggest smile I can manage.

 

She comes up to me, leans down and I get an arm around my shoulders. I kiss her on the cheek and say "Hi, gorgeous", she leans down again and I get big kiss on the mouth for that one.

 

A lingering hand on my shoulder and this is in front of the neighbours she didn't like knowing about us first time around, so that was surprising.

 

She completes her sales from her van and puts herself within two feet of me again. Remember. Happy music, I am singing along and the sun is still shining; she just hung out, watching me work and not saying a lot. Every time I look up she is beaming at me - what a smile that girl has, sheesh.

 

Eventually, she moves onto the next street, I make no attempt to get up or talk about calling her. I just let her be and we were both very relaxed.

 

Here are some of my tenets that apply to what just happened:

 

1. "Moving away increases your value" - the less available the item, the more attractive that item appears. Works both ways.

9. "Reward" - if every interaction rewards you in some small way, you go back for more.

10. "Compliments" - we will always respond favourably to being personally complimented.

18. "Be busy" - others will value your time more.

42. "Women never forget" - seriously, they never do. So make memories of you good ones.

51. "Pay attention to their actions, not their words." - Stop analyzing every conversation for that glimmer of hope, instead look at their behavior towards you.

 

We'll see if she is looking to reel me back in to play games or try and put me in the friendzone. I am strong enough to recognise it and handle it, I will establish my boundaries and stick to them.

 

Her reason for pulling away from me? She told me yesterday without be asked and I translated it properly later on:

 

"I have been thinking about you a lot and wondering why you were so serious. I seemed to make you sad. I didn't want to make you sad, it made me angry. I wanted to go slower."

 

So she is telling me that I was needy and pushy. It made me miserable and her angry - she is damn right and it will never happen again.

 

I am not looking for little signs, or messages in the shape of the clouds. I am causing these things to happen the way I want them because I want them that way.

 

I now know what happened and her motivations. She needs to approach, not be chased. She wants to go slow, she needed space and I gave it to her. She will approach me and stay for longer and longer periods of time and then one day? Well, I am not looking that far ahead anymore - that's called an aspiration.

 

I am not advocating any of this to anyone else, but yes, I want her back, more love, more trust and more fun. So, I take each day at a time with NO FEAR and BEING HAPPY.

[shellshocked]

I am not looking for little signs, or messages in the shape of the clouds. I am causing these things to happen the way I want them because I want them that way.

 

You're RIGHT!

It's cRaZy isn't it?!?!?!

 

You ARE making it happening.

"We" control our life...and our reality!!

(we're finally learning that it's not the other way around!!)

[beck24]

I am not advocating any of this to anyone else, but yes, I want her back, more love, more trust and more fun. So, I take each day at a time with NO FEAR and BEING HAPPY.

 

Good words to live by. I like what you have to say. Keep it up!

[Gator]

Great post RD! I'm happy things are working out for you.

[pacopaco]

hi riverdog,

 

if you remember, I wanted to break NC earlier this wekk, and you advised not to. I did break NC, and I had a good long talk with my ex-girl. sometimes, i think we need to go with instinct.

I'm glad I went with insticnt because no one knows me better than me.