mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You got me confused err, I'll call you cute_teddy for now... What is so confusing? Is it my bad spelling or grammar or substance? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Substance. Did OP's GF call him a cheat and a liar, or he her? I just didn't know what the point of your last post was, relating to the OP, I mean. Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Oh no! No! No! No! That was possible scenario that I went through year after similar situation like the one he is in now... Sorry.... Link to comment
caro33 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I kind of see mkmki's point though. It takes a while to transition. I had a bf who wanted to spend every waking second with me or in communication with me, and that almost as soon as we started dating. Now, I did like him, but I definitely needed *space*. Elbow room, you know...room to breathe. Maybe that's the problem. OP, are you smothering her at all? Maybe wanting to monopolize her time too soon in the relationship? I had the same thing - major (10 yr) relationship end suddenly (for me), then 3.5 years on my own, first time as a real adult on my own. Did the whole 'I am woman hear me roar' thing and enjoyed going out, doing my own thing, planning just for me and no longer needing to pretty much look after someone else. Then I met the perfect guy. And in those 3.5 years on my own I thought I had no baggage, no issues. I was the most well resolved and self-actualised dumpee I thought I knew. But you can't 'work through' some of your fears of commitment after being hurt if you aren't tested in a new situation. I've only realised how scared and 'needing of space' I am now I have this serious relationship #2. Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth, may or may not be relevant to you. If you've been at all 'overly attentive' (from her perspective) there's nothing wrong with staying nice but letting her miss you for a little while. Hey, my guy and I are getting married in 7 weeks, this stuff can work out just fine. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Oh no! No! No! No! That was possible scenario that I went through year after similar situation like the one he is in now... Sorry.... Ah, yes, I see now. Makes sense. Experience can be a good lesson. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I hear that Caro. I mean with me though, he was a real black and white, all or nothing thinker. (Hint, he's a State Trooper ) I mean to say he wasn't just attentive, he literally wanted to monopolize every second of my time. Even when I was at work, he'd come on by with the patrol car, walk in in uniform, want to talk and talk. He'd call me at home when he was working nights, and want to talk till my eyelids couldn't stay open, and then be calling again first thing in the morning. I had to make up excuses so I could just take a shower, have some coffee and go to work. Weekends, he wanted to spend the entire weekend with me, it hurt his feelings if I just wanted to go shopping or go for a walk or something by myself. I can't even begin to describe exactly how clingy he was. I nicely asked for more time to myself, but to him I guess that was like a total dealbreaker. Oh, well. It's over now. Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You can't believe what this sentence did to me "Experience can be a good lesson". Wow. Thanks. I feel... strange... good in a way... Thanks cute_teddy! And... I mean it! Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You can't believe what this sentence did to me "Experience can be a good lesson". Wow. Thanks. I feel... strange... good in a way... Thanks cute_teddy! And... I mean it! Thank you! Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 That was 1 in 4 chance of post getting there after yours... Thats 25%... Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Again... Nothing... Thank YOU! That was your sentence... And I feel better now! Thank you SO MUCH!! Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 That was 1 in 4 chance of post getting there after yours... Thats 25%... lol...I'm always doing that too. Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Now my post was first!! Or maybe not?! Link to comment
caro33 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 *Shudder* Sounds awful. I wrote my post just after your first one, then I saw you guys had traded 6 posts or so, and I had missed the boat (and the point?) Need to be faster these days hey Link to comment
redrose85 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 she's probably scared. she's been on her own for a long time, and it is kind of hard to get into the swing of being a couple. maybe she just needs some time to herself, then she will hopefully start to miss you. just be supportive, and see if she'll talk to you about it Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 *Shudder* Sounds awful. I wrote my post just after your first one, then I saw you guys had traded 6 posts or so, and I had missed the boat (and the point?) Need to be faster these days hey Gotta have the old 'quick typing fingers'... Sorry about the slight hijack there, OP. Link to comment
Ms. Babydoll Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Possibly something is going on with her family or something and she feels as though she needs to make that her main priority before anything else. Woman/girls have many different emotions when it comes to different situations, men aren't so used to it, all I can say is give her her space, maybe a few days apart will do, then call her and see what's up. She could just want time to herself, nothing more. Link to comment
Momene Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Sorry to say this but she could have unresolved/unexplored feelings for someone else. Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 Just found out she's left me for a Turkish waiter she met on holiday in Turkey. So now I feel just soooooooooooo good about myself Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Sorry to hear that mate. Use this for future reference. Its pretty much BS when a girl says she needs space. Its a polite way of saying "I like you, but not enough I wouldnt risk losing you." Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Just found out she's left me for a Turkish waiter she met on holiday in Turkey. So now I feel just soooooooooooo good about myself That sucks but if she's out and moved on that quickly then she's clearly not the right girl for you. Move on and find a better fit. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Sorry to hear that mate. Use this for future reference. Its pretty much BS when a girl says she needs space. Its a polite way of saying "I like you, but not enough I wouldnt risk losing you." Not necessarily. It could mean, "I like you. And on an unrelated note, please stop smothering me!". Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 I know thats what girls usualy mean, but I didnt think she was like that. And I kept denying it to myself. I'm pretty sure I didnt smother her. Man do I feel depressed Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Smothering is relative to each individual. For instance one girl could find you wanting to hold hands in public as smothering another girl could find it romantic. When people say smothering often its an excuse provided the "smotherer" is not actually smothering. Its a gut feeling and is translated into "I am not that into you." Even if you never called her she may have not decided you were the one. If her initial interest level in you was low enough to begin with there really may have been nothing you could do. You could work your brains out trying to figure whether to be more intimate or whether to back off. A relationship shouldnt have too much of this. It becomes confusing and tiring. It might help if you explain how your day-to-day relationship was. How often did you call her? How often did you see her? What did a typical day look like? How often did you tell her you loved her and needed her? How long did you date and know each other? Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 We were fine, I called her in the evening usualy after she asked me too, but not always, saw her most days, but always when we both wanted too. Before she went on holiday she told me that she could see herself being happy with me 'For a very long time.' And wanted us to plan a holiday together when she got back. Now she's brushed me off for a Turkish waiter, you can see just why I am confused, its not like she wasnt bothered to begin with Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 We were fine, I called her in the evening usualy after she asked me too, but not always, saw her most days, but always when we both wanted too. Before she went on holiday she told me that she could see herself being happy with me 'For a very long time.' And wanted us to plan a holiday together when she got back. Now she's brushed me off for a Turkish waiter, you can see just why I am confused, its not like she wasnt bothered to begin with Can you be more specific? I can understand you are confused. Been there done that. The more details you can provide the more likely someone is able to see something maybe you missed. Again my point has been all along that the "not ready for a relationship after being single for 3 years" is an excuse. As you are now finding out. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now