Bluesteel705 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Hey, Basicaly until about a week ago everything was going fine with my (I think she still is) girlfriend. Then for some reason she suddenly decides she 'Wants some space' because she says she's not sure what she wants. Now I know her boyfriends have messed her around in the past, and I've also heard this line before, so I asked her if this was a permanent thing, she said she didnt know and just needed some time. I can believe this because she is the type of person who would tell me if she really just wanted to end it. So I've tried my hardest not to pressure her, but what I really want to know is can a girl genuinely just want some space, or has she had a personality flip and decided to confuse me? Cheers Blue Link to comment
candy604 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 how long have you been going out for? she's probably mad at something and doesn't want to tell you about it. Something is bugging her in the relationship. Ask her? tell her to be honest with you if anything is bugging her to tell you and you promise to listen to it. Link to comment
melrich Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 How long you been together? What is your relationship like? Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 Our relationship was fine, only two months I suppose, but just before she changed she sent me a message saying how happy she was with me and how she thought she'd be happy with me for a long time. Thats why it came as a shock. I know shed been single for 3 years before she met me, so I dont know if that has anything to do with it? Link to comment
melrich Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Being single for 3 years probably does have something to do with it. She's been fully independent for a long time. To suddenly have to start factoring in another person to all your decisions etc can take some getting used to. Sounds like she may be reacting to that. I would definitely give her space but I think you guys will also need to clearly communicate each other's expectations of your relationship because she may not be as willing to become committed as quickly as you may be. Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 To be fair she's just sent me a message saying that she missed only having herself to worry about. Which In understand, but I really dont want to loose her Maybe if I just giver her some time to herself she'll see? Link to comment
melrich Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I'd talk to her about it, what she is feeling etc. Don't just stop seeing her as much. I am sure that it is just taht she is not used to being in a relationship. Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 But the thing is she doesnt want to talk to me at the minute, she says she doesnt want to say something she might regret later Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 WWWWWWWAAAAAAUUUUUU people you are so over reacting! This is good stuff! She is probably feeling something she just can't say after three years of lounliness. Maybe this scenario is like this: She is in love with him, but, thats a big but, she is afraid of it since she was alone for three years and some boys hurted her in the past. If you can turn off your dignity (and you said that you dont want to loose her) say to her (if you can in person, age is important here) that you love her. Im telling this from personal expirience so try it, even if you think its a lie, tell her (as I said try it to be in person with hers faworite flover : ) becouse if you want to be with her this is not something blah... (you got the point). If everything is exactly as you written here this should be it (lived through wery similar scenario) Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 The only problem is getting her to talk to me. She doesnt seem mad or to hate me, just miserable more than anything else, but its hard to get her to talk. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 UM not to be funny but if she is clinically sane woudl she risk losing you if she thought you were the one? Trying to get her to open up will most likely push her away. Give her space and be prepared that this might be the end. I personally would become less available to her. If she wants her space she has to expect that you are not going to sit around waiting for her to figure things out. Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 Well I've been messed around by girls in the past, and by now this kind of thing usualy makes me think 'Ah well forget it.' But everything was going so well with her, and it was so sudden, so I am willing to wait, even if it does make me a bit of a sap. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Your situation is not all that uncommon I can assure you. Heck a week before I broke up with my ex the first time because she wasnt sure how she felt about a "friend", she had sent me an email saying how she cant live wihtout me blah blah blah. It happens suddenly because love blinds us to the signs. Absolutely give her space. If anything show her you do not need her in your life. If she doesnt want to be with you it will never work out. Worse case senario is she comes back and tells you something similar 1 year later after you have invested more time. To be honest if she wants to be with you then she will. As for her time off from relationships. That is great. In that time she has had the opportunity to really explore herself and what she wants. Maybe she didnt? Who knows. I dont see the logic in her needing to "adjust" quite frankly people are social animals and going from singlehood to relationships is a transition but if she is in the right frame of mind and you are the one she wants to be with it wont be a problem. If the transition is such a problem then you need to ask yourself is this the girl for you. Link to comment
Bluesteel705 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 Thanks Tyler, I think I'll just give her some time and go with the flow. I'm in no particular hurry. Love the name by the way, "I am Jacks cold sweat" Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Thanks Tyler, I think I'll just give her some time and go with the flow. I'm in no particular hurry. Love the name by the way, "I am Jacks cold sweat" Cheers! I think you give her space but dont wait on her. You will be selling yourself short. Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 WEHEY! Man! Three years! Heloo! Being alone for three years and messed around (if I understood this corectly) Its just natural she is so scared. BUT again Tylercdurden2004 may be right (I don't think so but he's probably more experienced) so before you do anything make yourself comfortable with the worst scenario. Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 two mins late, again... SH*T!!! Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 WEHEY! Man! Three years! Heloo! Being alone for three years and messed around (if I understood this corectly) Its just natural she is so scared. BUT again Tylercdurden2004 may be right (I don't think so but he's probably more experienced) so before you do anything make yourself comfortable with the worst scenario. No my point is this. In those 3 years she has done one of two things: 1) Dealt with her issues- In this case then getting into this realtionship is not going to be that difficult. 2) Not dealt with her issues- In this case do you want to be with someone who had 3 years to get sorted but didnt. What does that say for future issues? People either deal with stuff or they dont. Personally I will be looking for a girl who has spent significant time single, a year or more. BUT she asked for distance so you have to respect that. Absolutely. We all go through poop in dating. But to hold something against someone new based on what happened in the past is self limiting. Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Err no... There is some little thing called fobia. That is irational fear of something (that irational part is why I stated this). Every girlfriend I had cheated on me and dumped me after it. I allways had a problem with it and always feared of that feeling of being dumped after it. I could go through this cheating part but the other was uh... painful. I respects your age and wisdom Tyler (helped me at some point few days ago), and the way you putted this, well he could just try... He wrote this "I dont want to lose her"... And there is absolutly nothing he can lose right now, exept her, so... Its his call. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Err no... There is some little thing called fobia. That is irational fear of something (that irational part is why I stated this). Every girlfriend I had cheated on me and dumped me after it. I allways had a problem with it and always feared of that feeling of being dumped after it. I could go through this cheating part but the other was uh... painful. I respects your age and wisdom Tyler (helped me at some point few days ago), and the way you putted this, well he could just try... He wrote this "I dont want to lose her"... And there is absolutly nothing he can lose right now, exept her, so... Its his call. You missed the point. She said she WANTS space. He has to repect that. As for phobias. Its not for other people to help YOU overcome YOUR phobia. Why should he attempt that when she may not get over her phobia? What happens a year later when the phobia rears it ugly head? In two years? She has had 3 years to deal with it. If she hasnt I would say thats a deal breaker for me personally. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I kind of see mkmki's point though. It takes a while to transition. I had a bf who wanted to spend every waking second with me or in communication with me, and that almost as soon as we started dating. Now, I did like him, but I definitely needed *space*. Elbow room, you know...room to breathe. Maybe that's the problem. OP, are you smothering her at all? Maybe wanting to monopolize her time too soon in the relationship? Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Sh*t you'r right... Curent state of mind messed up my judgment. Been in similar position and you know it really shows its ugly head (my ex had that problem, we ware so simillar about it... : ). To cut it short It hitted as you sad, but we got through it... Now I see it was not worth it... Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 4 mins late arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 Link to comment
mkmki Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Forget my point. Now I realized that no one should go through stuff I had to. Being called every 15 mins, acused of cheating, and similar stuff can break you and tear you... But again, I would go through all that again if she is with me now... This thread brings so much dear memories... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Alright now I'm confused. I thought the OP's current/ex declared that she needed some space. Link to comment
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