Break up letter

[starwisher]

My mate of 14 years moved 400 miles away. He continued visiting me on weekends and calling me everyday and kept me believing that our relationship was continuing. I spent all summer waiting for his visits and staying committed to him. Suddenly the calls stopped and a letter appeared in my mailbox. He wrote that he found someone else, thanked me for the years we shared, said he will always have fond memories. Then wrote "Please don't call" thank you.

I don't want to have hateful, angry or negative feelings but how can I wish him well when he dumped me so badly?!

[AwdreeHpburn]

starwisher - you sound like a great lady and much stronger than myself.

 

Welcome to Enotalone - I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

 

Maybe a return letter expressing your feelings and intentions of no further contact would be OK. I do agree with you that getting that closure will help the moving on process take stronger hold.

 

Sorry that happened. Sounds like he had some real strong issues with telling you face to face. I personally take that as a sign that it would have been very difficult and painful for him.

[rose2summer]

SW,

 

This guy is a complete wimp,

 

He didn't even have the decency to tell you on the phone or in person,

 

What a lack of character on his part,

 

I wouldn't send him a letter,

 

Because he doesn't deserve your time or effort,

 

You deserve so much better than that,

 

Lose the LOSER.

 

Rose

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Since when does he think he can call the shots. He dumps you in a cold and heartless fashion and expects you to suck it up and not contact him. I say you have every right to contact him and tell him that his actions are deplorable, whether you do that by email, phone or letter, is up to you, but definitely don't let him off the hook for this one.

[Lealing]

I was dumped by my ex about 8 months ago after being together for 8 years. I was suffereing from psychosis at the time and wasn't aware that he had dumped me. When I recovered I contacted him for a meeting because I needed to discuss the break up with him. Maybe you can try to contact him to say that you need to talk to him for an explanation as to the break up just so that you can get closure to the end of the relationship.

[rose2summer]

CBD,

 

Isn't her sending him a letter,

 

Just going to open up wounds for her though,

 

She might just end up getting more hurt,

 

If for some reason he responds,

 

And tells her things she is better off not hearing,

 

Maybe I am off on this though.

 

Rose

[starwisher]

My first post and I feel so welcomed here. I don't know how that "alien" icon got in there! I do not want to contact him and I won't. But what a mind game this is, not knowing the details. I suppose someday I will run into someone who will fill me in. What a way to end a long and loving relationship, I guess he forgot I have a soul as well as a physical being. He really lost my respect. Anyway I will move on with time.

[rose2summer]

You are welcome here starwisher,

 

We are happy to have you on ENA,

 

I am glad you are moving on,

 

It's better not contacting him,

 

He doesn't deserve your thought or time,

 

My ex broke up with me by email,

 

Some guys are just lame like that.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Rose2summer

I guess it depends on the person. When I found out through a newsletter about "my guy's" engagement, I was livid that he had betrayed my trust. I wasn't sure whether to ignore it and walk away or let him have it for his behaviour. I decided that if I didn't tell him off, I would just look like a doormat willing to accept any behaviour he threw in my direction. I didn't ask for answers why, in fact, I wished them both well. I wanted to go out of the picture showing him that I thought his behaviour was dishonest and that I no longer respected him. I didn't even have to tell him that I didn't respect him, it was very plainly obvious in my tone of voice. If a relationship ends through dishonesty I think the injured party has the right to tell the other person that his actions were deplorable.

[rose2summer]

Oh, I see what you mean CAD,

 

That makes a lot of sense,

 

I remember your story quite well,

 

And I guess it does depend on the person,

 

For me, I just wanted to move on,

 

It was too painful to keep opening wounds for me,

 

But for each person its unique,

 

I am glad that you sound like you are doing so well now.

 

Take care.

 

Rose

[AwdreeHpburn]

you sound so strong. like someone already said, everyone is different and deal differently. I'm too obsessive and couldn't let it go -

 

But good for you.

[starwisher]

Most people know well that acts of betrayal are selfish and cruel. No need to tell them, they know they are weak and dishonest and they have to face this reality each day they look into a mirror. They do not have the option of NC with their own reflection.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Rose2Summer,

I have good days and bad days. I still cry and have thoughts of his engagement breaking off and him running back to me. I also realize that even if he did, it could never be the same. I could never really trust him again. I need to move on with my life.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Starwisher,

So true. Just hang in there. It will be rough going but you will get through it.

[shorty20]

I'm so sorry this happened! I know it probably dosen't do much to help you feel better, but I went through the same thing a while ago, and came to this board for help! I dated a guy for a while, he was a Marine and we were about 1,500 miles apart trying to have a relationship. We would fly back and forth and made plans for me to move with him once he got stationed somewhere... so many promises were made... and then the phone calls stopped. I tried for about two weeks... called him maybe 4 times, left 4 messages... still no answer. I never got closure. The thing that helped me the most was a) getting out and having a good time... even if you just pretend, eventually you forget you're pretending to have a good time and you start enjoying yourself and b) I did write a letter... but for myself. I never sent it. I wrote it, kept it for a while and then burned it... every person gets through situations like this different, but don't blame yourself. What he did was wrong, and cowardly, and you are being the bigger, stronger person. Hang in there, and feel free to PM me any time you want. We're all here for you, and I think more people know what you're going through than you realize.