Time to move on..

[LONESOUL]

Desert, I felt crazy when I was with my ex. She was very possessive, and

yet she did whatever she wanted to...she walked all over me~for 7 years.

I couldn't even go to lunch with the people I work with without her

accusing me of waiting to sleep with someone. It was stupid, so stupid. She would check my cell phone, she would call my friends if I did not answer, it was bad. I felt so stupid. I'm not sure why I got so depressed each time we split, I really am SO much better off. My ex was allot of fun, when she was in a good mood and life was going okay, or there was a party. Times like those I could not have had a better partner...we had great times. BUT she never really loved me...she used me, for allot of things...allot. I guess I still just miss the dream of what we could have been...if she had been well, SANE. It hurts,

and it hurt allot everyday~but I am not turning back (not that there is anything to turn back to anyway) But if I tried she would just say that I was crazy and I would not let her go...and she would proabaly have me locked up.

(she has been calling ME though, a few times here latley..but I don't answer..

she just needs someone to dump on, or to fix something or to vent on or yell at...or worst of all confuse~because she thrives off knowing she had that power over me)

[ScreenagerX]

Silly me, I emailed the ex yesterday. I guess I was fishing for something. We do still have a couple of things to sort out but its stuff I could have really talked to her about when I pick up my daughter on the weekend. Basically I said that there was stuff that I wanted to say to her but that it wasn't any of my business anymore. Of course she responded with "you seem a bit down, are you ok?" I replied that "it doesn't matter, I'm dealing with it". So this mixed with trying to give up smoking means I'm not having a very good day today. Damn I need a cigarette

[LONESOUL]

Spader~I quit smoking 5 months ago, 2 months before my break up. I have stuck to it, so far, but I tell ya it's rough sometimes! Take good care

[tobetterdays]

I have found that it helps so much to force yourself out and socialize..with friends, with girls..pick up the phone and call people. people you havent talked to in a while..

 

since i decided that my ex was no longer worth wasting my energy, i have gone out, had fun, and now i have girls calling my phone.

 

it is actually exciting, believe it or not.

i know going out might be the last thing on your mind, but if you can find the strength, DO IT.

 

i can't even tell you how much it has helped my confidence..im not talking about sleeping around..im just talking about being around other girls.

you will realize that there are a MILLION other fish in the sea..and it is a total waste of your time ruminating over a girl who did not appreciate all you had to offer...

 

i have been feeling so much better these last few days.

and btw.. NC IS A MUST.

 

cheers to healing...

TBD

[desertnomad]

I pretty much have given up on ever finding anyone else. I am no ladys man thats for sure so I think my ex was my last shot no matter how illogical that may sounds. I know my life. Its never been easy. Glad to hear your doing better TBD

[tobetterdays]

I pretty much have given up on ever finding anyone else. I am no ladys man thats for sure so I think my ex was my last shot no matter how illogical that may sounds. I know my life. Its never been easy. Glad to hear your doing better TBD

 

well, if that is what you think will make you happy in the future, than by all means take that approach.. but we both know you don't want that.

it has nothing to do with being a "ladys man"

you found love before because of the person you are.. you are that same person, and somebody will love that person again-- thats if you let them.

 

chin up man

[LONESOUL]

it's all part of the process of beginning a new. It can be very exciting. It can be very frightening. I have to force myself to do things right now, but, for the most part I do that. I have even caught myself smiling and having a good time (STOP that! lol) I don't know, but I feel better sometimes than I did before NC and I don't cry at the drop of a hat, most days, so I'm going to keep pressing on, and I am going to keep forcing myself to do things and not to sit around thinking about it too much. (although i have my moments when I feel I need that, and I allow myself to do it, for a bit...and then i make

MYSELF stop. This is not an easy road to walk, but it leads somewhere and I

have walked enough of it now to not to turn back, I want to know whats up there, up ahead where I cannot see yet. By the way NC is the only way to go for me...I wish I had done it from the start.

[GuitarmanIII]

My first post guys...

Good on you, Tobetterdays. The quicker you move on the better.

I wish I could say the same for myself. After having screwed up what would have been an awesome relationship, I've been rejected and the x is now dating another guy. She hates NC and has remained in contact for the better part of a month...it's killing me.

Now, I am crushed and only on 4 days NC. Can't wait until I'm at your level. Uuuuuuugggghhhh.

Cheers, you certainly are an inspiration.

[tobetterdays]

every situation is different. the sooner you accept the fact that they are not coming back, the faster you want to move on. it is a heartbreaking acceptance, but a critical one. once you finally realize this you have two options IMO

 

1. sit home, cry in your beer, look at pictures, wonder what she is doing, wonder why she left you, beat yourself up, blame yourself, isolate yourself from the world, ruminate over "what could've been", think of her having sex with other men, grasp for straws, and stay completely miserable by feeling sorry for yourself.

 

2. Realize that you are who you are--and this was not your decision. Spend your time keeping busy, working out, looking good, doing things you like, spending money on yourself, advancing your career, hanging with friends, trying to have fun, socializing with girls, distracting yourself from the sadness, eating well, sleeping well, keeping things in perspective, finding your self worth, regaining your self esteem, learning from mistakes you made, realizing you are alive and healthy and could be worse off,

 

these are the two approaches to handling heartache.

i agree that you need to allow yourself a few weeks to suffer, cry, grieve, scream, smash things, get out your emotions..

 

but then you need to get a hold of yourself, start thinking rationally, and realize you only live once..find your strength.. we all have it in ourselves.

it just takes effort..

 

TBD

[LONESOUL]

TBD~good post, very true, very honest. I would like to pick door number two please.

 

Lone

[desertnomad]

Some things have gotten better thats for sure. I do understand reality and am trying to accept it. I have gone out and done quite a few things like going to clubs with a few friends and buying a sweet digital camera. Only thing I have had hard time doing is stop the blaming myself and feeling so responsible for her life and choices. Shes had it tough to thats no doubt but she just made it a whole lot tougher on her and me. I know without a doubt I loved her to death and will never comprehend her leaving. *still on the move on train*Door number two for me also please

[AdriSnow]

See this is opposite. for me I was dumped and I was a good girfriend. So I see their might accually be one guy that cares for a women. And don't just get ride of them. That is great. Where do you think I could meet one at ???/

[LONESOUL]

it all part of letting go, I happen to think it's all normal. I get up, and I get down, most of the time I am one or the other, not too much time spent

in the middle, where I think daily life mostly exists. It's getting there, it's slow.

I posted on the NC thread today that I feel a little numb, but I know the

feelings are just below the surface...I just refuse to sit around crying about it much more~I mean although I needed time to grieve (and still do at times) it just became unproductive and nothing good was coming of it. It's over. I think

that might be a good thing for me now.

[desertnomad]

I agree its about letting go. I dont get upset as much anymore just on my days off when there are stretches of hours of being alone. Life is so short didnt think I would have to spend more time getting over something like this again. Just sux.

[tobetterdays]

as critical as it is to accept it being over, it is just as critical to allow yourself to feel the pain and emotions of having your heartbroken. it is bad to bottle them up, because that bottle will break one day down the road and they will all come flowing out..

 

its like changing your oil in your car..you need to drain out the dirty old oil completely before you put new clean oil in. your engine will run better that way.

 

i spent a few weeks in a blur. no sleep, no food, unbearable sorrow. but it is healthy to get it out..you eventually run out of tears, you get tired of crying, you get fed up with being sad. and then you realize that nobody is worth you feeling like this.

 

read my first post in this thread.. this is the moment i began to take steps in the right direction..this is the hardest thing i have endured (fortunately) but there is always good to be taken out of bad situations.

 

search for the good.

find the good.

[desertnomad]

Signs of Life is a good song with great lyrics by Journey a few years ago.

[Silentlyfor]

This is awesome guys!! I love seeing so many people realizing that we don't need the people that left us on a hook and let us dangle. Remember, the pissed us away and they missed out on something good.

 

Let's live out the rest of our lives the best we can and NEVER STOP. AND I still have all those books to read. Man, I have so much to do, I just realized.

[LONESOUL]

MBINSF~only if you enjoy living in H E double hockey sticks, and want to stay there for good. Then I would say TBD's option one, is a good choice.

Otherwise, lets explore door number two, shall we?

[desertnomad]

Number 10 is the best I think. Its great to have a dog to keep you company especially during a break up. I was able to lose those pesky 30 pounds 8). Good to hear your having a better day mbinsf

[tobetterdays]

im telling you, the breakup diet is the best diet out there!

[ThatsBS]

Yea I am going to jump on this train as well. I did things a little different tho. As soon as my ex left I started going out and meeting new people and basically having a good time immediately. I am lucky to have a lot of good friends. The reason I was able to go out right away is cuz this is like the 3rd time we broke up. For all you NCers thats the best thing cuz the opposite prolonges the inevitable.

 

I know she is sleeping with another dude, and where most people would falter I took it as a good thing, cuz now I know if she ever comes crying back, which she might because this guy knew she was on the rebound and thats all he wanted but she still likes him, HAHA. Point is i can never take anyone back that slept with another dude right after we broke up. To me its like she never really loved me.

 

I am 99% over it, but I am writing hear because I had a bad dream about her, and it pissed me off that I dont forcibly think of her, so my stupid brain decided to do it on its own atmy weakest moement...while I was sleeping.

 

But i said this before, its funny to me how everyone here had the same exact thing happen, and my situation is not unique like I first thought when we first broke up. Like my friends said since this was my first true relationship "this was a dry run for you and you did nothing wrong, but now you know what to do in the next relationship."

 

Just like every other person on this thread, I know i am far from perfect but she definitely threw away the best thing she could have ever had. Its sad in its own right...but hey theres nothing left to do but find someone who isn't as selfish. The funny thing is she broke up with me for not being there for her but she was always complaining that I was always involved in her business. I cant understand the logic in that. Point is if someone loves you, yes they need there personal space here and there because without it the relationship will be overkill, but if they really love you they dont take for granted that you are there when they need you the most.

 

Wow that was a long post, I doubt people will read the whole thing. But if anyone knows how to control dreams help me out here, cuz I am pissed that it woke me at 6am when I have a date with another girl tom. night and shouldnt be thinkin about the ex. I want nothing to do with her cuz as said earlier she pissed away the best thing she ever had, the funny thing is her father said this to me also. But i wish my brain would let it go already and let me get some sleep tonite like it usually does instead it has to be stupid...Bad Brain.

[desertnomad]

Welcome aboard ThatsBS 8)

[desertnomad]

Had a few tears this morning over her. Theres still some stuff of hers in the apt. I got rid of most of those special things though. Its not really the stuff that bothers me though its just still the loss of someone so special to me. Man there wasnt a day that went by that I didnt tell her I loved her. And really meant it. Yeah I was moody and negative sometimes about life and I am sure that was hard to be around. But I was always positive about our future. Just venting some more. Days off of work are the hardest.

[LONESOUL]

Desert~your ex really lost allot...too bad for her. Believe me, I feel your pain. I still cry everyday. everyday. Today I'm a little

pissed, but thats just been the mood for the morning, I'm trying to brighten the day up a bit in my head, thinking of things that I can do now that she is gone, without having to get ANYONE's approval. That part of this is very nice.

Think about the negitive stuff about your ex...heres one, she left you for some other dude and you are a wonderful person who did not deserve that~period!! My ex was brash and abrasive, just plain loud, she used to embarrass me all the time....and she would not have a clue of the meaning of the word "honest" and would have to look it up just to ignore it anyway...GOODBYE to you EX!!!~ I loved you, but it's your loss and if you were too "whatever' to know and apprecate and return that love, then shame

on me for waiting and staying so long...but I'm gone now~and life will go on!!!

Back to focusing on the people who matter.. US!!!!!

[LONESOUL]

Welcome welcome welcome Thatbs!! We are really glad to have you aboard.

This train's next stop is a healthy healed heart, no clue how long it will take

to reach our destination, but this train does not have reverse, so sit back and

relax, and spend some time healing yourself and talking with others who are doing the same and are here both to support and to be of support!!

 

Nobody else new today want to hop on??? Take good care