dallas_88 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I am new here and am in desperate need of advice. I have nobody I can talk to about it. I am 22 and have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years with someone who was my friend from around age 11, we got together when I was 18. Our relationship didn't start out in any normal way. She had a boyfriend of 3 years at the time when we started seeing each other. At the beginning it was a bit on and off but after about a year we were in a fairly stable relationship. In the first 2 years we were fairly happy and confident with what we had. In the 2nd year she began to talk about marriage, this always made me very uncomfortable as I didn't feel at all ready for it. We continued on, marriage became a bigger and bigger issue, she was so ready for it and I was so tired of her always bringing it up and asking me when I would be ready. Marriage became something I just didn't want to even hear about anymore. More recently she and others have been asking me why I don't feel ready. After much thinking I believe it is a few things. One is that I don't feel at all happy with myself and who I am, I still feel like I don't know who I am and haven't yet found myself. How can I start a life with somebody else when I don't even know who I am. Secondly, I have been having doubts lately if we are right for each other, there are a number of things that make me think we might not work together. I am happy being with her a lot of the time, it is in these times where I think 'yes, this can work, I want to be with her' and there are also a fair few times when I am not happy being with her and I don't want to be with her anymore. I feel terrible because she is such a good person and I love her so much. I know she deserves better. This whole issue is really dragging me down, I am so depressed, I don't know what to do. I spend most of my time by myself at home or with my girlfriend as I have few friends here. My escape is going interstate to visit my best friend which I do a few times a year. I find these times when I am away from everything at home I am happy, I want to get away more and more. I hate where I am at the moment, I feel empty and unfulfilled. Any advice would be much appreciated. sorry for the long post. Link to comment
NJRon Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 If you are not 100% sure you want to get married. And it is time that you make that decision. Then believe yourself and don't get married. Anything short that 100% surety in marrying the right person is not a good way to go into marriage. Link to comment
melrich Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I think you need to end this relationship. It doesn't seem to be making you happy and if marriage is potentially on the agenda it should make you happy. There should be no doubts. If it were me I'd be breaking it off and taking some space. You are both pretty young and maybe you especially needs some space and time to go out and get some more experiences in life before settling down. Link to comment
neolithic Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 You are so young; you're my.. on/off boyfriend's age! I wouldn't even be able to think about any of that stuff at that age.. You don't need the pressure in general, and you don't need to be pressured into marriage. That will only end in disaster. You definitely need some space. PM if you want to talk more. It seems like we both need someone to talk to Link to comment
Momene Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 If you're not sure where you're going career-wise, life-wise, anything-wise, you need to sort it out before you get married. Also try and sort out some sort of life outside being at home and with your girlfriend. Link to comment
friscodj Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Welcome to ENA dallas_88! Good to have you around here bro... What I would do is have a face-to-face with your g/f and tell her everything you wrote above. It won't be easy but it will be far better than suffering like you are now. Link to comment
Momene Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Welcome to ENA dallas_88! Good to have you around here bro... What I would do is have a face-to-face with your g/f everything you wrote above. It won't be easy but it will be far better than suffering like you are now. Agree. She may not be happy but at least she'll know you're not being deliberately awkward. I wouldn;t say you have any doubts about her, as you may provoke hostility. Link to comment
friscodj Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I wouldn;t say you have any doubts about her, as you may provoke hostility. Yes. Also, if you mention "doubt", this says to her there is still a little itsy bitsy chance of things working out. If you say anything to the effect of "I don't know what's going on" at all, believe me, if she's crazy about you, she will find some positivity in it to continue to pursue this... Just tell her what you told us. It is very eloquent, true, and from the heart. She deserves that from you... Link to comment
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