How to get over the fear of making sexual advances?

[theproman23]

I am a bit of a shy guy and have been little bit more relaxed in the past few months about my shyness. I do feel that I need to get over my shyness of making sexual advances. I feel like my lack of courage to be able to make sexual advances might come off as lacking confidence in myself. Sad to say the farthest I've gotten is kissing and I am 22 so I feel way behind. I am not trying to make sexual advances because of my age but I feel that it might be hurting me some way. I would like some suggestions if possible. I am not sad about this, I just would like to get over this fear.

[chai714]

Proman,

 

A good friend of mine once told me, "keep going until she tells you to stop, otherwise you'll never find her limits." I am now passing this advice on to you.

[Jennster]

Don't worry about feeling left behind. I was 23 when I had my first real kiss and 24 when I lost my virginity. Don't feel left behind and don't feel pressure to do sexual things just so you can say you've done them. When you find the right girl and the time is right you'll instinctively know how to progress things because you'll want to explore it with the right person

[Day_Walker]

Proman,

 

A good friend of mine once told me, "keep going until she tells you to stop, otherwise you'll never find her limits." I am now passing this advice on to you.

 

This is a good point, of course you dont have to be overbearing or act like a sexual predator but realize that every female has a set of boundaries and they will let you know when you have reached them. Dont be affraid to make that move, start off small and go throught the motions with kissing and explore her body with your hands.

[Beec]

While chai has a good point, sometimes all you need to do is kiss her, passionately sometimes, teasingly at others, and let her know you want it all WHEN she is ready. I've used pretty much those words. Most of the time, I've been lead to the bedroom soon after.

[Cardinal]

I am not sure you would have much of a problem making sexual advances. I think what you need to work on is establishing relationships. Some people are good at playing the dating game, whatever that means, then doing again with someone else the next night or next week. I have yet to make that work.

 

I suggest actually dating if you haven't long term yet. Read Jennster's response again. Notice how she keeps focusing on emotions and feelings. Most women do think in those terms. That is what you want to do with the women you date. Show them they can trust you and that you care about them.

 

Though I was/am extremely shy in many cases, once I had a long term girlfriend, making sexual advances was completely worry free for me. Just have her over to your place, watch a movie, start giving her massage or kissing her or whatever, then do as others have said....progress smoothly, but don't stop until she tells you to. That part really is the easy part.

[friscodj]

I bet when you find an amazing woman with whom you have an amazing connection with...you'll forget all about this as you guys will have such synergy together...and there will be a beautiful balance in who initiates the "moves"...

 

So don't sweat it man. In fact, your worry about this is probably counter-productive. Just let things flow...

[theproman23]

I am not really worried about it, I just felt a little embarrased when I told one of my friends that I watched "project runway" with my current "interest" to just spend time with her. His question was "was it worth the effort?" So I asked him what he meant and he said did I atleast get laid. I know I shouldnt let that bother me but I felt a little embarrased, I think it's a guy thing. My friend did'nt mean anything demeaning by it, he's about 6 yrs older than me so I know he's more experienced and probably just thinks in that manner.

 

I am working on geting back together with my ex, right now we've decided to hang out with eachother and be somewhat close. I want to take it slow and she does too, right now I know I am settling for crumbs meaning holding hands and spooning sometimes, lol. With my desire to make sexual advances, should I be thinking about a different path for a realtionship? I care about her enough to be patient so I hope i am doing the right thing. I am ok, but not down about the way things are. I am not taking the whole thing too seriously so even if there is a let down I am not going to be that hurt.

 

Chai I hear you but right now i am still establishing the touching point and so on so I just have to be patient. She was my first kiss and I was very comfortable with that so I know what everyone is trying to say about me being comfortable with the right person.

 

Thanks to all for listening and responding.

[Cardinal]

I took it that you really didn't have much relationship experience. I was wrong. I think women will appreciate you for being sensitive and willing to take things slowly. Many men think in much more sexual terms and can be far too aggressive.

[darthpeladus]

I have more or less the same problem you have. I am really shy (something that many girls like, I migth add). And now that I am with my g\f it took me some time to make advances.

But we talked about that. At first she thougth maybe there was something wrong with her, or something I didnt like, and that was why I didnt advance. But I explained that I am just shy of making the moves, so she helped me with that. For example the first time we got our tshirts off, she took mine, and then hers. Now I have no problem in doing that. And the same with the rest of the things.

I explained that its like I fear that the girl (in this case, she) will tell me "no" to something, but then... if she tells me to stop, whats the problem? She really helped me with this...

 

Oh, and I am 21, and virgin. If it didnt happen for me until now, is because I am shy.