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Where to go from here......


sweeteyez
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Hello everyone.

How glad i am that i found this site today at work,reading everyones posts has honestly made me feel better,

here is my situation, maybe writing it will allow me to feel better, and hopefully someone can give advice or just a simple i undertsand, i think all my friends are getting annoyed.

 

Taking somewhat of a break with the man i have been with for 2 1/2 years.

Here is really how it went down.

Went on vacation over 3 weeks ago,after long delays and missed connections i was kinda mean iknow it wasnt his fault, but i was just upset and was saying stupid lil comments under my breath.ok

we get there

all is well,after a long day/night drinking get into a fight over something STUPID, my fault i over reacted for no reason really.the fight really got out of hand and we both saw sides to each other that we have never really seen.

 

we make up later the next day.

have to go home early due to the threat of upcoming bad weather.the whole way home from ST THOMAS to TORONTO i was acting like a complete fool, on the plane, in the airport at his house.

in the midst of it all i blurt out its over i dont want this,heat of the moment comment,now i think i was just looking for him to say I LOVE U its ok, just stop, not his fault as obvuisly im not good at comminicating.

anyways he took it serious.

basically stalked the guy for 2 weeks, justwanting him to understand where im coming from.Yes i have anger inside that i need to get resolved,not his fault once again, however i think the closer you get to someone you shpw those ugly sides.Really our releationship has been ok we have had small minor problems in the past but nothing serious.

At thsi point he says he needs time, says what happeneded scared him and that he feels he cannot trust me, if im so close to just losing it in front of strangers ect ect,

i mean i said horrible things to him on the plane, and its not like me at all.

so saying he needs time to figure out what he wants, says to still call/email but then sounds so annoyed when i do.

 

went to montreal, he was soooo worried about what i was doing even called the first time on his end, calling me, left a v/m saying calling to say hello, and dont do anything i wouldnt do.

 

hmmmmmm

 

then i emailed him on Sunday when i got home asking to come over, said he couldnt as was flying out in the morning.

but that he would call.well he didnt call but did the next day, asking how my trip was ect ect,asking if i met anyone, told him im not ready to date if we are'nt togther and are'nt go to work it out want to be single, he advised me the same.but then went on to tell me he hasnt thrown it all away yet.

 

few days later(today) i send him a email saying can we just make up, no word yet.......

 

i just feel confussed i feel like he isnt sure and im not sure if i should keep pursuing this or just let him be, but then i feel like if i justlet him be im letting him have control...i could go on forever.............

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Control has nothing to do with it. I think you should let him know that you are aware that you have some issues that you need to work on, you are sorry and ashamed of your outburst, but that you really do care for him a lot but don't want to become a nusance so if he still thinks there is a chance or that there is hope that you would really like to give it another try and that you will anxiously be waiting to hear from him,

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Thanks for the reply, i have let him know in the most sincere way that i am ashamed amd sorry and he just dosent know if he can trust me, im trying my hardest to not call email, or anything, must admit one of the hardest times in my life, very eye opening.....

thanks again

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Trust is a huge issue. I drove away my girlfriend with unstable emotions, like yourself. But it occurred over many months and slowly wittled away her trust. In my experience, it is a very difficult thing to regain.

 

I made matters worse by continuing to be unpredictable, even while we were broken up. Since we had a child, we had to stay in touch, and I believe we really had a good chance to mend things, but my emotions bounced back and forth from accepting the situation to being devastated, and this unpredictability prevented her from reestablishing trust because I continually exposed her to my volatility. She said I could call anytime to talk about our daughter, but I kept taking our conversations down the relationship talk path.

 

My advice: since emotional volatility seems to be what damaged your relationship, try to be predictable. I think it is helpful to agree on NC for a determined amount of time (i.e., one month). Don't break it. If he does, insist on sticking to it.

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