A lost virgin

[quietgrl]

I'm a 36 year old virgin female and I feel alone and lost right now.why?

I just left a virgin/incel board that never gave me full support and now I feel alone. Most of the virgins were for casual issue sex and I was for sex with a commitment.

I don't know where to go to get true virgin support. I just wish somebody understood me .A sexwith commitment virgin.

[Süsser Tod]

I'm not really sure what is your point. Are you complaining about being a virgin, or are you complaining about being unable to find someone worthy of having sex with?

[Scotcha]

I don't understand what "virgin for casual sex" or a "sex with commitment virgin" could mean unless.. It was a dating site for virgins wanting to hook up?? Can that be right? I'm confused.

[laboheme]

What kind of support are you looking for? If it helps any, I have tremendous respect for anyone who's willing to wait for the relationship situation to be just right before having sex. Casual sex is definitely not for everyone, and I feel like one's first time should be in a loving, caring relationship... unfortunately, it seems like that's often not the case.

 

That said, what is your dating situation like? Maybe your concerns are more about dating than virginity?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Why would a virgin need support, solely because they are a virgin?

[quietgrl]

It's not easy being a 36 year old virgin and waiting to lost my virginity via long term boyfriend or husband. Most virgin don't care who they lost their virginity too because most virgin have issue with the opposite sex.

I was on a virgin/incel board where casual issue sex was promoted and not sex with commitment.I was hoping to get sex with commitment support but I didn't.I feel alone.

Sorry to say.I don't date because most men I come accross want casual sex and I want sex with commitment. I haven't found a man who will wait for me.-lm not a religious person and I do not want a church man

I just want to find other people who understand me.

 

P.S casual issue sex is when a confused,naive Virgin with social issue has sex with any penis or vagina that walk in the room.The virgin doesn't want to deal with their social issue so they use sex to not deal with their problem.

[helpme2]

why did you decide to wait until a commitment? (not that I knock that decision, I think it's a good one, but then I am religious)

[MI_Shell]

I agree that it is best to wait for commitment for sex. It is too devestating to just be used for a casual fling and end up an emotional basket case. It is certainly frustrating having to hope there is someone out there right for you. I am not a virgin but I am not entering into casual sex just waiting for a decent commited relationship. I would rather have no one than not committed to.

 

At least by making your stand you can spare yourself from a lot of emotional heart ache.

[FoxLocke]

Well, you will get plenty of support here. This site is good for that.

 

Anyway, I am a virgin too. However, my I stayed a virgin because of different issues than yours...Now I am up for losing my virginity with someone I care about.

[Scotcha]

Thanks for clearing that up, I really didn't know what you meant.

 

I think it's great that you are waiting for the right guy, in fact, I wish I had that much will power. The right guy will understand.

[quietgrl]

People it's lonely being a sex with commitment virgin because I'm on the bottom of a man's dating list and most virgin don't wait for a commitment. I feel like I'm the only virgin alive sometimes

I also never been on a date and men over look me because I won't give them sex. My experience nonvirgin nonreligious men don't give me a chance and I'm tired of it.

I don't hate being a virgin .what I hate is men not giving me a chance becasue I won't have casual sex with them .why can't a man wait for me?

[helpme2]

because you haven't found the right man. Seriously if a man won't date you because you don't want to hop into bed right away, he is not the right guy for you.

 

I know it sucks being patient, but maybe you can find some non-dating things to do to meet people, that way you won't be lonely and there won't be big pressure to find someone worthy.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If you are looking for a man who isn't religious, is around your age and who will commit to you first...I fear you may be waiting a very long time. I wish you luck that you find such a combination.

[lusitana]

Do you interact with the people around you in good faith? I know this is a weird question, but great disdain and suspicion for various groups of people seeps through your posts.

 

Do you have any male friends? Do you love your male family members despite their shortcomings?

 

Do you bring up the "sex w/ commitment" issue with guys before you get to know them, or do you put the sex issue out of your head until it becomes relevant, and why?

 

What do you consider commitment? Marriage? Cohabitation? An intangible level of comfort and acceptance? Letting him drive your car? A pet goldfish in his apartment that "belongs" to both of you (lol)?

 

Virgins can get tons of dates (and with real guys, not just from those judgemental churchy creeps with virgin fetishes who think God owes them a pure bride). Quit the pity party and do some critical analysis, here. Why would guys ignore you because of something they don't have any business knowing until they're already dating you? Are you looking for men in the wrong places? Are your standards too high?

[quietgrl]

Lusitana,

I know I am in sex trouble when a man looking at my breast and not my face during a converstion.

What do I consider commitment marriage or 2 people who have been together for many years and maded a commitment to eachother (oprah and steadman,goldie hawn and kurt russell,)I want to lose my virginity to LT boyfriend or husband.Sex with commitment.

I seriuos do not know what do do with the men issue.My experience is men want casual sex and will not establish a relationship or wait for sex.what am I suppose to do.. I had 3 men in a year turn me down because they couldn't wait. Sorry I have a right to be piss off.

Most virgin who are successful in dating are having outercourse.I would have to have oral sex just to keep a man around.

[Scotcha]

Are you telling guys right off the bat that you won't have sex with them? That could be a turn off as they might not even be thinking about sex or they may even be offended that you think they are only thinking about sex..

 

What have you been doing to find and build the relationship you want?

 

I really feel you just haven't met the right guy yet. A friend of mine, he's 26 now was with his girlfriend for over three years before they had sex.. He was going crazy but he loved her and so he waited. (She was a virgin, he wasn't) There are guys out there who will wait!

[quietgrl]

I've mostly done the online meeting men thing and I mostly talk about my virginity online not offline.

I have to omit .I've met a lot of men online but only 2 men stand out. Guy#1 he use to be a virgin ,he lives in california(me too.lol),we've know eachother for 3 years. Guy #2 nonvirgin ,he lives in florada, we've known eachother for 2 years. Both men understand my virginity but both men are not ready for a commitment.boohoo.I have to look for more men like these 2 but want a commitment.

[lusitana]

Well, if guys are too distracted to look you in the eye, I agree it's a problem! (Theirs, not yours!)

 

I disagree heartily that you have a right to be pissed off. You should feel damned thankful that those men were honest and let you go instead of leading you on for years and taking action on the side.

 

You say you're looking for men online, and that's probably a good idea. Immediately announcing your intentions about sex and commitment, though, probably isn't. I'm not saying this because I think you should be dishonest, but because it's not immediately relevant. Why not wait to see if the two of you get along and enjoy each other's company before getting into the heavy issues? As Scotcha said, you're likely making the guys you're talking to uncomfortable. It's inappropriate information for the first couple of dates. Tell them when the topic comes up.

 

If you've found guys that understand, you're halfway there. I guess all you can do is stay in the trenches. It's going to be a needle in a haystack situation.

[Luck of the Irish]

In this day and age, 90% of the people who do wait to have sex ARE religious. You don't want a man that goes to church, but you want someone to put you up on a pedestal? Your standards are way to high! What's wrong with a moral man that goes to church on Sundays? As long as he doesn't try to convert you then what's the problem? I highly doubt you'll find a 30 something man, who has high morals but is not religious, and will worship you. A 36 year old woman isn't exactly a spring chicken either. Your standards sound way too high to me!

 

My advice? If you ever meet a man that you want to become serious with, TELL HIM right off. This will save both of you a lot of heartache. Also, drop the online thing. These men are most likely lying. Meet a decent guy who lives close to you, if you want a commitment like marriage. Long distance + your demands + online men = nothing but trouble. You say guy#1 "used to be a virgin" ?!?! That's like saying that I'm a junkie, but I USED to be clean.

[hosswhispra]

Immediately announcing your intentions about sex and commitment, though, probably isn't. I'm not saying this because I think you should be dishonest, but because it's not immediately relevant. Why not wait to see if the two of you get along and enjoy each other's company before getting into the heavy issues? As Scotcha said, you're likely making the guys you're talking to uncomfortable. It's inappropriate information for the first couple of dates.

 

SO what you're a virgin, big deal...if a guy can't accept that, do YOU really want him??? While sex is important in a relationship, it is NOT everything. Everyone has been a virgin at one point. Plus, how hard can sex really be...human beings are DESIGNED to be sexual beings....and it's in our nature...it's a BASIC instinct. Some are better at it than others, some will learn faster than others. What counts is when you start having sex is that you're an enthusiastic in learning and participating. You will only feel that way if you're with someone who YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE with. If that is not until marriage, so be it! Be happy with your uniqueness and about who you are.

 

 

Lusitana gives EXCELLENT advice. Especially what she says about announcing your intentions about sex and commitment....ESPECIALLY, in the early stages of dating. If a guy hears that, he'll possibly think that you're looking for a commitment right off the bat...that is something that can scare ANYBODY!

 

Plus in the early stages of dating, it's none of their business that you're a virgin or not.....bringing that up early, I believe is an issue of insecurity about being a virgin on your part, perhaps?

 

Go out and enjoy getting to know the guy/guys that you're dating. Then re-evaluate if they are even worthy of your time/energy to establish an emotional rapport with them. Once you have that rapport established with them AND you feel comfortable/secure with that rapport...then you can discuss your sexual status/physical boundaries.

 

Let things flow naturally. You should not have to work so hard for something like this. If you're working very hard for something of this nature, I find it safe to say that it's just not worth your time or energy. Someone will LOVE YOU AND ACCEPT YOU, for who YOU are.

 

hosswhispra

[quietgrl]

Luck of the Irish.

 

hey i'm not old just yet.lol

[quietgrl]

Sheyda,

Thanks for giving me hope about nonreligious men.Sheyda i am still undecided about outercourse so i can't answer your question.I haven't been on my first date yet but i do have 3 male friends i wish would help me practice outercourse.The problem is none of these men will help me.

[quietgrl]

hosswhispra,

 

I'm having problems finding dateable men offline but i have been eyeballing a co worker.lol