One year after the big break...there is life!

[yoley]

One year almost to the day..the woman I wanted to marry walked out of my life. At the time...I was devastated..I lost her, the kids, and the dream. I cried for days. I withered away in weight..I was a mess. I thought my life was over..I scurried home to the parents house..and wallowed for weeks.

 

Today..I sit here..and look back. Wow.What a year!

 

I got my own apartment, a bought a Jeep YJ, a continued with my running, I bought a new road bike and now swim, and have entered into my first triathlon this weekend. I did a half marathon this summer. I bought an IPod and my dream digital camera. I rock climb. I've been to Finland. I landed a fantastic new job. I'm in awesome shape! All these things would have been impossible with the Ex.

 

I've dated numerous women, including the rebound. Dated greek, iranian, french women, nutrionalist, doctor, a bunch of nurses, and a model.

 

I NEVER though this would happen after the Ex walked out.

 

Do i think about my Ex....from time to time yes..but only for a moment.

 

What have I learnt?

 

Well..the doctor Ive been dating just walked out..she wants to be friends only. I was very hurt. I did like her. However, during this relationship..Ive found she was online dating..and slept with a couple of "friends". She denied it, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

 

One again..I had little respect for myself...and acted like the "nice guy". A reoccurring issue.

 

So..I now know this..time to learn from these mistakes..and apply to the next great relationship. Stop being nice..and just be honest. Have self respect. Be willing to leave. A relationship is a choice..not a need.

 

As for my current feelings..i know things will be better. So why not be better now. The doctor obviously wasn't on my long term path..so what did her presense teach me?

 

What now?

 

A new girl is in my life. No more Mr nice guy..an honest guy..and I look forward to the coming year. Keep fit. Work on the mental. Be balanced in every way.Stop defining myself based on relationships. Make new friends. Read books (like The Monk Who Sold His Ferarri).Meditate. Get into nature. Do something different. Make Mistakes. Learn. Create a life philosophy. Understand that there is a greater power. Let life go.

 

I will find my nirvana...and the girl of my dreams.

 

I am at peace...even after a woman walks out on me (admittidly her own issues).

 

Good luck to all!! Life does get better!! This is a promise.

 

- Peter

[RaZeRbLaDeZ]

Just what I need to read right now - Thanks

[tobetterdays]

SAME HERE! finally some encourement

GOOD FOR YOU MAN!

[tylercdurden2004]

Dude awesome. That is a post everyone should read.

[Rainz]

Good for you, keep it up....very uplifting post. Thank-you

[alphonsefa]

Voley, so glad that it all worked out for the best for you! Don't abandon the "Nice Guy" thing. I know all of the BS about picking up women and acting cocky and confident, but there's a downside to all of that. First, you treat women good, because it's in your nature you are a good guy. But, there is a difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat for someone. I've told a few Ex's in the past to never mistake kindness for weakness as I've sent them on their way, which usually comes as a great shock to them. Seems they weren't as in control of everything as they thought, and it always leads to attempts on their part to reconcile. But by then I've already seen who they truly are, that they took for granted the love, affection, and caring I've showed to them. That's definitely not someone I want to spend a lifetime with! So don't sweat the nice guy thing, it's not a curse. Plus, acting like anyone but who you are, to be with someone, will always blow up in your face, because evetually both your personalities will surface in the relationship. I'd much rather lose someone who saw who I really was than to lose them by being someone I'm really not. Keep the niceness but just be firm. When someone steps out of line and is jerking you around with a story that you know is BS, like the Doctor you caught sleeping around, just call them on it and let them know that you have parameters and that if they want to be with you, they better respect those parameters. Good luck to you.

[desertnomad]

Excellant post. I hope I get there sometime soon. Just bought a nice digital myself so...maybe Finland is next

[sweeteyez]

Wow that helped me i like this "Be willing to leave. A relationship is a choice..not a need."that made me feel good.

[Donster]

I just wanted to chime in too and thank you for your uplifting post. But like one of the other posters, I would re-iterate that you shouldn't lose your "nice guy" image. Just be yourself, and everything else will just follow it's natural course. And if you're going to change (like you have physically and activity-wise), just make sure you are changing in a way that you are happy with and not turning into someone that you aren't happy being or comfortable being.

[poetsheart]

Great to hear... goodluck...

[yoley]

Thanks for the posts guys...you have no idea how far I've come..and I never thought it was possible.

 

Interesting comments about being a "Nice Guy". But for me, the opposite of "Nice Guy" is "Honest Guy"..not "Jerk".

 

Personally, I've put my women on pedestals, and totally neglected my own needs!

 

Now..being more of an "Honest" guy..my women (and I) see the real me...which..they appreciate...as I do. I matter.

 

Incidentally..the Doctor is back..kinda..just friends (for now)..and she's noticed a change in me already. I'm honest, I challenge her as necessary, I joke a lot more...my thoughts are : Why should YOU be with me?? A huge different than my past "Oh my god, I need this woman!".

 

She called me twice yesterday, and asked for me to go running with her today. She's even considering cancelling a trip to Chicago to go to a triathlon with me.

 

Also, the Ex emailed me out of the Blue..

 

Strange Strange week..but indeed..there are no coincidences!!

 

Date tomorrow with new girl.

 

All the best!

 

- Yoley

[tylercdurden2004]

Fantastic. You should keep a running log here so that people can get a good understanding of what its like to actually "get it." And yeah they always come back out of the woods when they know you are doing good. Happens to me quite often.

[yoley]

Tyler,

 

ok then..here's the update.

 

The Doc is back..sorta..we're as close as close can be, without anything physical going on.

 

She texted messaged me all weekend..she was in Chicago having fun with some girlfriends..I messaged back..sometimes, somewhat delayed...I was out having fun with my friends. But I haven't been putting life on hold for her. I've been going out and enjoying myself...meeting other women...having fun with friends.

 

Does she sense this? YES! She's asked me twice if I've been dating. My response..vague!

 

At first when she said we need to be friends, I thought NC!! But now I;ve reconsidered. I can handle LC..because I don't need her. My life is full. I'm happy alone. If she wants to walk away, then walk away. She's not on my "path of life". Someone else is on my path.

 

So..she's back....kinda. She called me up, invited herself over, I told her about the triathlon I did today, while I massaged her back and we chatted..laughing most of the time..talking about a triathlon we both might do together this weekend, and a surprise for her this weekend "Hot Air Balloon" she knows nothing about for her birthday. She left shortly afterwards to meet with a girlfriend..and as she went through the front door..it was extremely awkward..not because it of our past..but because of our today. She wanted me to kiss her..so I grabbed her by the arm..and kissed her. She loved it!

 

 

What happens after this? Not sure. Either way, I'll be fine! But wow..what a feeling!! Even if it was momentary.

 

As for her infidelities at the beginning..it's my choice to believe that she's uncertain of her feelings..and having a hard time committing. I understand and empathize with her. It NEVER is easy to make these decisions. Do I push her to make a decsion. NO! She will make her choice when she's ready. I will continue to enjoy my life as I always do.

 

She knows who I am, and what's here for her. It's her choice to join me or not. It's might choice to stay in touch.

 

Isn't life interesting when you don't need much in your life...and you take it as it comes! Something is always interesting is around the corner. What a mystery.

 

Think abundance (There are many partners out there that are suitable and deserving enough of you).

 

But please..be happy alone...before meeting someone.

 

Cheers!

 

- Yoley.

[yoley]

Ok..an update..why? After reading multitudes of books, read opinions and conversed online, spoke to others..and contemplated many things..I am starting to develop my own philosophys.

 

1. Pain. I welcome it. If I'm not feeling it, I'm too comfortable..and I'm not facing my fears. If I'm not facing my fears..I'm not growing. I will thereforeeee always have fear. Learn to deal with it , and embrace it knowing that it teaches you something.

 

2. Stop thinking about what i dont have! (the EX for instance!). The more I think of this, the more I won't get her. It's a negative thought that will consume me. Be thankful for all the things I DO have..and decide what I want in life! THIS has been massive revlelation to me this week. Never before have I thought of what I want. The movie "The Secret" , the book by Deepak Chopra "The Spontaneous Fullfillment of Desire" and other readings..pointed me in this direction. Having started to live this way..I am truly happy and full of life and vigor. I have goals.

 

3. I can't change anyone . Let life be. We ARE spirtual beings on a human journey..and my path is already set. I can either accept the path (working with love) or deny it (working with fear). I know when I'm working against it when I feel negative, fearful etc etc. Having relinquished my destiny to a greater energy, I don't worry nor try and control things. If the EX is one my path, then let it happen.

 

4. I am totally responsible for where I am now. No one else. No finger pointing.

 

5. My journey within has been rocky and scary...but in the end, I have learnt much and have much more to learn. If this is the case, I will continue to journey within..for my lifetime.

 

6. Positive attitude. Adopting a positive attitude has already had effects. I sense people see me differently, and I am attracting attention. Again, "The Secret" pointed me in this direction and showed me the power of positive atitude.

 

7. I matter. I AM the most important person in my life. If I take care of myself, my goals, my desires, my happiness, it has an positive affect on others.

 

8. Honesty is paramount. To myself and to others. Not doing so, creates an unauthentic person..and thereforeeee..a lie.

 

9. I do not need others to accept me. I will NOT change myself for others. I will not look for their approval.

 

Following these rules...I am so happy, content and at peace. I wake up smiling. Yes..I do miss the Ex..but...life will go on. She did try to contact me three times today..but my reaction was "Is this good for me?" rather than get back immediately...because I matter, I don't need her, and I'm guessing she's lonely.

 

Tomorrow is a brand new day...full of unknowns.

 

- Cheers!!

 

- Yoley