10 months of NC,Then............

[NR498E]

(you can look up my old threads for the backround info)

 

 

I was sitting at home one day about 2 months ago when I get a phone call from my ex's brother.Me and him were best friends for like 10yrs.I hadent heard from him since me and his sister broke up.He ask's me if I want to go do something.I was very surprised by the sound of his voice and politely told him I had stuff to do.He knew I was lying and persisted.I caved and we went and hit some golf balls.We talked and caught up on things.Later that night he took me out for steaks and martini's.After dinner we went to a strip club.(real male bonding stuff)We talked alot about everything.Then out of nowhere he say's.

Him think she really misses you man.

Me hell with her, she totaly used me.

Him on dude you know thats not true shes not that clever.

Me I guess

Him I told her I was going to see you she had this look on her face that said it all.I think you guy's should get back together.I don't see her going anywhere without you.

 

He went on to say how she isnt doing much and that he thinks she is really deppressed.I told him if there was any chance of there being anytype of relationship I would at least have to talk to her.I havent heard a peep out of her in 10 months.

He asked what my plans where for the following night.I told him I had tickets to a concert."No way" he said "she is gonna be there.

On the way home that night we were just like the friends we had always been.Laughing and joking,having the best time.Then he say's "Would you want to be the godfather to my baby."(his girlfriend at the time was 9 months pregnant)I was taken aback at the question.I told him fi he was really serious to ask me another time when we were sober.

To me that is a big commitment and I didnt feel prepared to answer the question.Did he take me out just to ask me this?Or is this the result of to many martini's and the type of male bonding that only goes on at the strip club?I thought to myself. I told him to really think about what he was asking me and if he was serious to ask me again another time.We left it at that and I dropped him off.

The next night I'm at the concert.I'm having agood time chatting it up with these 2 girls I'd just met when I feel a tap on my shoulder.I turn around and there she is.Smiling wide she says "hi!" with her arms cocked back ready to give me a hug.At the sight of her I kinda froze up.My body language was completley closed off to her.We chatted for like 10 seconds.She told me she wanted to talk to me and not to move.She had to catch up with her friends and then she'd be right back.She scurried away with her head down obviously disappointed with how the interaction went.I had totally blown her off and at the moment I felt good about it.I grabed my new friends and suggested we move and we did.I didnt see her after that.

When I saw he it was like seeing a ghost.And as much as I really wanted to be nice to her and give her a big hug I just couldnt do it.Standing there was somebody that hurt me more than I have ever been hurt in my life.At that moment, when I saw her, I got tunnel vison and my adrenilin spiked.It was like the feeling you get right before getting into a fight.

A week later to my surprise she call's.We talk for about 15 minutes and just caught up on stuff.At one point she asked me if I'd like to go get a drink sometime.I wavered at the question and then before I could answer she said "well maybe thats not a good idea.After that I told her I had to get back to work and I cut the call short.

I didnt hear from her or her brother for about 4 weeks after that.In that time I started to really think alot about her.And I felt bad for blowing her off the way I did.Up until that point I had still thought about her everyday but now it was everyday all day again.By now I was sure her brother had to have had his baby.I called her to get his number and more than anything I wanted her to know in a roundabout way that I didnt mean to be a jerk and that I wanted to be cool.

Well when I called she was a totall * * * * * from start to finish after about 1min and 30sec long conversation I hung up the phone and started to cry.I don't know why.Iwas just really hurt.I couldnt believe how mean and rude she was.

A week later her brother finally had his baby.I went to see him and told him about me and her interaction's since the last time I saw him.All he really had to say was "I bet you guy's get back together"That didnt make any more sense then than it does now.

A few weeks after that I talked myself in to sending her a short letter.It basically said "I hope your well","I never wanted anything but the best for you" and I hope we can be friends again someday".

That was over a month ago now and I never heard back.I talked to her brother once since then.I don't think he is going to ask me to be the godfather.And I don't think I'll ever hear from her again.

I just feel bad about all this.I think maybe I should of said yes to being the baby's godfather.And I wish I wouldnt have nbeen such a jerk to her at first.Ive dated a bunch of girls since her but none come close to moving me the way she did.I have alot of friends but none I click with like I do with him.

I feel guilty and I would just like some thoughts and opinions.

Thanks everybody,Andy_stone

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She definitely stepped up to the plate and your reaction was very negative so it is no wonder you don't hear from her. "I never wanted anything but the best for you" would definitely be interpreted by her as a blow off. If you want to rekindle anything, you will now have to step up to the plate, apologize for your behaviour and tell her you would like to start again. Only time will tell if it is too late or she will come back.

[heloladies21]

Becoming the godfather wouldn't have impacted the situation so no need to feel guilty about it. As for the meeting with her, your reaction is very understandable and I have felt very much the same way when put in a similar situation. Constriction in the chest as if you were about to go into cardiac arrest or something lol!

 

In any case, she showed her true colors to you again on the phone call and what can you do with a situation like that? One of these other girls will stick. Just keep at it.

[NR498E]

Hey Crazyaboutdogs thanks for the reply,but one question.Why would "I only want the best for you" be interpreted as a total blow off.I don't get it.

And helloladies,I loved the "keep trying and one of them will stick" comment.I laughed out loud.

Goodluck out there buddy.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

"I hope your well","I never wanted anything but the best for you" and I hope we can be friends again someday".

 

If you received a letter like this, would you intrepret that as someone who wants to get back together with you, or someone who really couldn't care less and is essentially saying, have a good life? There is nothing in that note that says anything about getting together, making things work etc. It is leaving everything up to being only friends some time in the distant future. I am sure she was very upset getting this note. If you really want her, you have to go after her, even if she is cool at first. She is very hurt by your actions and very wary. You need to tread carefully. If she cares about you, she will eventually soften up, but don't expect instantaneous results, it takes time.

[NR498E]

I see...Thanks for the advice.It's great to get a woman's input.But I think I'm just going to leave her alone.Thanks again,your friend Andy

[blemished]

If you're considering getting back together with her, it shouldn't be because of how you feel. I hope that your reasons for wanting her back have substancial ground such as the issues that caused your breakup being resolved. Missing someone is not relationship material. You don't want to get back together and still have the same problems and then break up again and get heartbroken again!