Friend raped by dead uncle

[NKP]

Okay well i have a friend i have known for over a year now, well we are really good friends now, we would alway tell each other everything. She was bright, funny, fun to be around, one of those people you just cant hate no matter what. She was just so happy and you would never think something has happened to her.

 

Well i was talking to her boyfriend, im good friends with him at the moment aswell, and he told me they were making out really getting it on, they ended up with no clothes on and then she just fully freaked out and took off, he went after her, they talked but she didnt tell him what was wrong. So her asked me to talk to her.

 

I talked to her and i found out that she got raped by her uncle when she was 8, i told her she should go to the cops and report it but then she told me he died a few years ago from a heart atack. I then told her you can just keep this all in side and not talk about it, you should get some help for it, she said no i just want to try and foget this ever happened, i said okay well i cant make youget help but i am always here if you ever need to talk no matter what.

 

I want to help her, i dont want her to be scared her whole life but how can i help her?

[Q10]

She should get some professional help kita, you can help her by making sure she gets help.

[PRSOV]

Kita,

 

As you can see she is having problems dealing with anything sexual right now without conselling. Even with conselling it is going to be very difficult for her to overcome these issues. Her self esteem would be damaged and images/memories/flashbacks will occur until she learns how to deal with her problems in the correct manner.

 

What happened to her is awful but she must seek some sort of proffessional counselling, because if she doesn't these problems will get worse and worse as she gets older.

[NKP]

i know she needs help, i want her to get help but what am i spose to do? am i spose to give her time until she is ready to talk to someone? I am the only person she told and she made me promise not to tell anyone

[PRSOV]

You need to be careful here...

 

You need to help her make the right decision, which is to seek help from a proffessional. Does she show any signs of wanting to do this after she told you what happened?

[Q10]

oh yeah, don't tell anyone but find some help for her, provide her with the information she needs to get help and then supervise her make sure she does indeed get help

[PRSOV]

Obviously she can't afford to go to counselling on her own so is there any responsible adults in her family that you think would be understanding of this and would be able to help her?

[NKP]

i cant tell anyone, if i do im scared it will make her really upset. No she doesnt show that she wants help, she thinks thing will just go away, well she hope they will, i told her they wont.

[PRSOV]

These kinds of thoughts will never be forgotten, they have a major major impact on one's life, what happened when she was eight she will most likely remember for her whole life. It is how she deals with it's effects in the end that counts... which can only be dealt with through working with someone of experience in that field, i.e. a consellor.

 

Please make sure she does this, please re-inforce this is not something that will just go away. It needs specific attention fast.

[NKP]

I am trying my hardest for her to go get help but so far its not working, i will keep trying and i might ring up a few places monday after work that might be able to give me info that might help her out

[PRSOV]

I am trying my hardest for her to go get help but so far its not working, i will keep trying and i might ring up a few places monday after work that might be able to give me info that might help her out

 

At the moment this is all you can do for her - which is for her to get help.

 

You are being a good friend, be proud of yourself.

[nottoogreen]

Hi kita,

 

My first love and wife was raped by an uncle age 9. She was never treated. It would not work out for her and she developed manic depression and became a monk. Your friend does need care or she will not heal. Going to a counselor specializing in child sexual abuse would be best. If she does not want to go, ask her to sign up here and we do what we can and guide her toward counseling.

 

Please be patient with her, Important: do not make her upset or feel her trust being broken! Explain to her that it will not go away without proper treatment. Please give her time, no rush, it may take a few weeks until she realizes to go to a counselor or come here.

[bebecole]

you seem like a great friend, and you need to sit her down and tell her how serious this matter is. She needs therapy. Its just not gona disappear and shes never gona forget what happened, she cant go threw life like this. she needs to step up and explain what happened to her parents so she can get help. She needs to be a adult about the situation and understand shes just gona get worse and its going to affect her in the future

[rose2summer]

Hey kita, I am not sure if your friend is in the US but if she is there are many resources available that are fully confidential and free. There is free counseling, in person and by phone, free legal advice, free support groups, free social worker help, all at her fingertips.

I was raped 3 yrs ago and didn't undergo therapy until now. Tell her the therapy helps a great deal and is free for rape victims as many sessions as they want from 3-100 or beyond, depending on her needs.

Go to: link removed

There are 600 rape crisis centers in the country.

To find the counseling centers go to: link removed

She can receive phone counseling at any hour of the day or night as well at: 1.800.656.HOPE • Free. Confidential. 24/7.

I have used both services recently and I am doing great. I really have improved incredibly in how I feel towards men, trusting people, etc. It was truly a blessing for me.

I was very skeptical about therapy because I felt I was doing well in my life but what my counselor told me was that many times rape victims will not have the memories or trauma of the event come back until many years down the line. She said she has had people come in who had a baby and that threw them back into remembering the rape and traumatized their family as well. She needs to solve this now. If she wants someone to talk to, I would be more than happy to help. There is a great deal of support out there.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Kita - Sorry to hear about your friend. You sound like a great person for her to have in her life right now but there's only so much you CAN do.

 

I think you should make it known to her that she can trust you with the information you have and make sure she knows that if there is ever a time she needs/wants someone to listen, you will be there.

 

If she ever feels she needs more help, you will help make sure she gets it.

 

Careful not to bring it up too much or badger her about it. I think that could have the opposite affect of what you'd want.

 

Beyond that, there is not a whole lot you CAN do. You can't tell her secret. You can't sign her up for therapy. You just have to be there for her. At least that's my advice anyway....

[NKP]

Hey thank yo everyone so so much, i showed her this thread as she has agreed to go get help for it but she asked me to go the first or a few times with her, i agreed i would if thats what she wanted, so it looks like i will be going with her

[nottoogreen]

Wow Kita!

 

I am proud of you for helping her. You see you can improve your small world!

 

I am also proud of your friend that she will go to counseling and wish her that she get's better soon.

 

Life get's and feels better.

[NKP]

Okay well i just wanted to up date yo allon this, she told her mother, her mother toldher father andher father knew all along and didnt care what her uncle did to her, so her mother let he father and now they are moving next week sothey donthave anything to do with there father anymore

[Q10]

ok, but she still has to get some professional help, don't forget kitty!