Did I cheat?

[lolok33]

A girl and I have liked each other for the summer. We went out a couple of times before she left for another country for the summer. We ended up kissing the night before she left and we knew we liked each other. We talked a lot on the phone and online while she was gone. She's been back for a couple of days and we've spent tons of hours together every day. We aren't officially "together", but we act like it, and we know we like each other. We don't want to label it since I leave for college in under a week.

 

The thing is, last night there was a party at my house (the girl was there). Everyone left except for me and my friend (who I used to like in the past), who was really drunk (so was I). We ended up kissing. In my drunken state I only wanted to go as far as kissing, but she took off all her clothes, and insisted that I take off mine. We kissed and ended up rubbing. She told me to kiss other parts of her body and I ended up doing it briefly. I never wanted it to happen but I just was too drunk to stop myself.

 

It happened last night and the friend and I have decided to "bury it" and not tell anyone. The thing is.... I feel extremely guilty (and rightfully so). I feel guilty that I had a drunken hookup, but I also feel extremely guilty because of the mutual-liking girl. Did I cheat on her? She's so innocent and great, and I just feel so terrible for what I did.

 

I wouldn't have done it if I was sober, or if I was in an offiicial relationship with the mutual-liking girl.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Judging by what you say, you two aren't official so i don't believe what you did was cheating. Now, if you and this other girl had made it official that you were bf/gf then i'd say you were wrong and should tell her. But in your case I don't see anything wrong.

[DN]

It wasn't the best behaviour but it wasn't strictly cheating.

[Gracelove]

I guess it wasn't technically cheating, but it was definitely a betrayl of trust.

[lolok33]

Hmmm. So now the question is: what should I do now?

 

In college I might date, but I'll still talk to her a lot and probably have feelings for her still. We're going to spend a lot of time with each other when I come back in winter too. If this were any other girl I liked in the past, it wouldn't have affected me as much. Since I leave for college in five days, there wouldn't be much of a point to feeling horrible.

 

But, I do like her more than any other girl in my life. She's really innocent too, even though lately she's becoming less and less. I'm pretty sure she would be crushed if I told her this.

 

What should I do in this situation?

[Majoraslayer]

If you didn't make it an official commitment to the other girl, then it technically wasn't cheating. You may like each other, but thats as far as it goes. Had you actually called what you have a "relationship", then it should no longer be one. Otherwise, for all intents and purposes you ARE single and there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Still, I do believe it would be best to kind of keep it on the down-low. Its over now, and there's no reason to let it jeopardize any possible future relationship you could have with this other girl. Keep in mind, however, that she has just as much right to sleep with another guy at this point as you did with the other girl. You're aware of that, but you really don't want to think about it, right? Well, she doesn't want to be hurt either, so let any occurrences like this stay out of the friendship between the two of you and start practicing your commitment NOW. If you really care about her, this will help you prove to yourself that you care enough to commit. In the case that you can't, then you shouldn't initiate a relationship with her later on.

 

As we say in the south, nip it in the bud.

 

Also note that if you find another relationship before you get with that girl, then you should cut off all intimate contact with her (verbal or otherwise) in order to properly commit yourself to the new relationship.

[Ms. Babydoll]

I don't think you were cheating because you guys aren't officially "together" plus it was all an accident considering you were very drunk and it's hard to control yourself when you are.

 

I suggest you tell the girl you like what happened, if she likes you as much as she acts like she does she sould understand and be able to look past it.

[n83]

I don't think you should say anything.. It would hurt her unnecessarily.. unless, of course, there is a chance she will hear it through the grapevine.

[PittItaliano]

If you and this girl have no labels on your relationship, I don't think it is considered cheating at all. You technically are single, and by the sounds of it allowed to date others. You may have not wanted to do what you did, but that just makes it a mistake, not cheating.

[doyathink]

I agree with other posters, you didn't cheat but you did make a mistake! You are leaving so keep the friendship going so that when you are both available after school is over you can pick up where you left off.

 

Don't tell her this, theres no point in it!

[Momene]

Keep quiet and DON'T do it again. Been there myself.

[lolok33]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I was really afraid that I had cheated. I realize that I made a mistake, but I will learn from it and this won't happen again. The guilt was eating me up inside, and it's still there; however now it's at a more manageable level thanks to your posts.