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Never seen anything like this!


Luck of the Irish
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Some of this story might be a little out of order, so forgive me! Let me backtrack a little. I don't have too much dating experience except for a horrible 2.5 year relationship. Aside from that, I've only been on a small amount of dates. I've only had sex with one girl (I'm not in this for sex, just making a point). I've kissed a few, but most of the time I was drunk and regretted it.

 

So I meet this girl a few days ago. Beautiful. Funny. Her friend tells me she likes me. So we meet up to watch a movie. It's awkward at first, but we end up just cuddling together on the floor for a few hours. It was great. I left, told her I'd call her. I gather a little intel the next morning from one of her friends. It all sounded extremely good!

 

Let me interject this comment really fast. She is VERY outgoing. I am not shy and I am confident in myself. But sometimes I am a little quiet. Anyway, it is very hard for me to gather up the courage to flirt with her. But I did it! I callher, flirt with her every chance I get.

 

Here's my problem. I think the dating experts call this "playing hard to get". I instantly assume that a girl this outgoing would have no problem making conversation and maybe even flirting a little. But she doesn't. When we're alone she talks a little (much less that she does to anyone else) but it's only yes/no. I stir up conversation. Always about her, never me. She hasn't asked me anything yet! All she knows is my first name, and what anyone else tells her. When we're in a group she completely ignores me. I'm making every effort to talk, flirt, but I'm getting nothing in return. It's like I'm invisible, and when I'm not, we have very strained conversations. The part that confuses me is that she makes no effort to stop it! Her friend tells me all good things, except for one. She told me she was in a "relationship where she was treated badly".

 

So why does she talk to everybody else except me? She doesn't even look at me. It's very frustrating. Yesterday we were in a group, and I just got up and left. I'm just gonna wait for her or her friend to call me. I'm completely lost as to what to do. I really like this girl, and I know she feels the same. But I've never seen a girl act like this!

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I don't know man, I'd say this is no way to live. If it were me in this situation, I'd let this thing play out for a little longer and then let it go, as hard as that may be to do. I'd get to the breaking point and then break it off...

 

Either she's confused, not over her last relationship where she was treated badly, had a change of heart about you, or she does like you and is selfish and self centered.

 

Either way, this isn't good for you. If you stay on this path for too much longer, it will beat your self-esteem to a pulp and frustrate the hell out of you. I've been there for sure...

 

What, do you think she will magically do a 180 and start treating you right? Because she's not right now, and I believe this is only the tip of the iceberg with this woman. If you set the precedent of you putting in all the effort and doing all the work this early, and you guys do end up together, I believe you are in for a express trip to emotional hell in the long run...

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Friscodj, this sounds like some sound advice! Thanks. I hate these mind games that she plays and just want an honest assesment. Even if it's bad. I don't plan on pursuing this much longer if there is no return on my investment. I don't see the big deal about flirting and maybe even a date or two. I'm not gonna marry her.

 

(( If it makes a difference, my previous relationship is in no way influencing this. My ex kept showing her true colors so I just ended all contact, even as friends. I'm over it. ))

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You only met her a few days ago and you're taking a few things for granted I would assume it would take more time to conclude. For example, that she's really outgoing.

 

But, maybe she is. And so I would just say she either feels shy around guys she likes, or she's not as interested as she might have initially been, after she hung out with you.

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Hey that's cool LOTI. I have learned the hard way that it's a lot better to break off earlier than later and suffer a little (relatively) in doing vs. waiting, hoping it will change, get attached, in too deep, have it fall apart later and really suffer.

 

But let's not be so hasty here. Let it roll for a little longer anyway. Let the building confusion and frustration fuel your conviction to walk away. I know it is tough to do so when you really dig someone.

 

But before this, what I would do is talk to her. Say something to the effect of, "Hey, I just wanted to know what's going on here. I mean, we had this romantic evening and after that, I feel like you don't want me around anymore. What's up? Is everything OK?" She might give you some BS line but at least you can feel like your exhausted options in trying to figure this out which will make it easier to walk away.

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Oh, she's shy. Even if she's outgoing to everyone else, she's shy to you because of the chemistry/interest in you. It's up to you to get her comfortable with you to the point where she opens up. Doing this can be pretty hard though, as it requires you to lead the interaction in a certain way. Basically you should try and talk with her and try to get her to drop her defenses, but if she ain't biting, don't let her know it's affecting you and go on with your good time. Start talking to other girls too and let her decide to re-enter the conversation with you. It has to do with social proof and establishing that your confidence can't be swayed by her actions.

 

I wouldn't wait for her to contact me as she probably won't. She'll be too shy at this point to do that.

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This chick had some heavy emotional baggage. She's also one of those "too strong, too independent for a man" type of women. She doesn't strongly believe in holding hands or physical contact. Or going on dates. Little too weird for me. I couldn't handle another day of it so I said bye-bye. Anyway, thanks for the good advice compadres!

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This chick had some heavy emotional baggage. She's also one of those "too strong, too independent for a man" type of women. She doesn't strongly believe in holding hands or physical contact. Or going on dates. Little too weird for me. I couldn't handle another day of it so I said bye-bye. Anyway, thanks for the good advice compadres!

 

 

You've concluded an awful lot about this "chick" having just met her a few days ago. Are you sure you're not just smarting from rejection and putting it all back on her? Maybe after hanging out with you she decided you just weren't her type and didn't want to lead you on. I'm sorry, but that's the way it goes some time...and to really chalk someone up in several negatives simply because it didn't pan out for anything isn't a good habit to get into.

 

Unless of course, you have solid evidence of some sort to back up what you're saying. But again, I think it takes more than a few days of knowing someone to be able to have them all figured out like that.

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I think Scout has offered some really sensible advice here.

Either she's totally shy around guys she like, or she thinks that you two are moving along too fast.

Cool the pace and the flirting, ask her out for casual dates once in a while.

She's been hurt before, so don't play anymore games with her. Be the sincere, genuine guy that you are, and I'm sure if the initial spark is still there, it will work out eventually. Good luck!

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