Can an ex return after months, years?

[Delusion]

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[bebecole]

everyone is differnt, just because you hear a story of someone elses ex coming back wont make your ex come back quicker. Your gona drive your self crazy hoping he will come back

[Scout]

Yes, they can. But more often than not, they don't. If you want to read a "success" story, check out this thread: However, the poster is in a real bind now, because the ex showed up AFTER she got in a relationship with someone else.

[rose2summer]

My previous ex, not the one who brought me to these boards, has returned, he came back 6mo after we broke up, and we talked during the duration of my last relationship, becoming my best friend. We had been together for 5 yrs. I care very deeply for him but I am not sure that we would ever get back together, but I do love him. He stayed by my side through this whole last break-up, listening to me shed my tears, and being so great, but without trying to move in on me. So it's possible, you just may have lost your romantic feelings for the ex when they do.

[RayKay]

Well, I GUESS it can happen, but generally there has been a lot of change since then in both the people, and their lives.

 

I had an ex from over 10 years ago look for me for quite a while (we dated in high school). We finally ran into one another quite coincidentally. He was still dating the girl he broke up with me for but was miserable...and was also wondering "what if". Well the what if was, I was incredibly happy in my life with my partner, we were very different, and that was so far in my past. But, it gave him the closure he needed too, he ended things with his gf anyway as he realized while he was always wondering what if, he also should see that he was unhappy...regardless of the what ifs.

 

Anyway, it's really a waste of your life to live in the what ifs....moving on is the best thing you can do, and believe me, life works itself out.

 

Love the feeling/emotion does not conquer all....as both people need to put effort and commitment in to make things work. The ACTION of love however can overcome great difficulties. It has to be mutual. If he left....it is not mutual.

[tylercdurden2004]

Simply put very often it doesnt. Usually the majority and then if it does happen what happens after that. Lets do some math. If the majority dont come back say 80%(dont) vs 20%(do). If relationships fail 50% of the time and succeed 50% of the time (and remember you are going back to old wounds etc). So the chances are lower that it will succeed.

 

20% x 50% = 10%

 

You are now banking at best on a 10% that he will come back and it will be a successful realtionship. Why not move on meet a new person and have a 50% chance.

[Scout]

I believe in working real hard for that 10% chance, cuz if you do get it, itll be worth alot more than the other 90% that would have come so much easier.

 

Why? Simply because it was so hard to get? I don't understand your reasoning here.

[drninja]

I believe in working real hard for that 10% chance, cuz if you do get it, itll be worth alot more than the other 90% that would have come so much easier.

 

Amen. If someone can still mean so much to you even after putting you through your own personal hell, it is foolish to completely give up all hope just because the odds are stacked against you. However, this is all dependent on how the relationship was and what your true feelings are for the person. If you don't feel strongly enough, then walk away. It's all about what it means to you personally. Nobody here can tell you that.

[laboheme]

I believe in working real hard for that 10% chance, cuz if you do get it, itll be worth alot more than the other 90% that would have come so much easier.

 

I don't really know whether to agree or to disagree, but I see where you're coming from. If a breakup was more like "giving up" than escaping a bad situation, maybe it will be woth more than going the "easy" way and looking for someone new. It's like a sport...or any other kind of activity that you really have to dedicate yourself to to make it work. However, I realize that the analogy doesn't work for everyone -- just voicing my views.

 

And back to the original question...life is a funny thing, so it's entirely possible to have an ex thrown back into your life. It seems like usually it's at the strangest possible moment, too...

[tylercdurden2004]

I don't really know whether to agree or to disagree, but I see where you're coming from. If a breakup was more like "giving up" than escaping a bad situation, maybe it will be woth more than going the "easy" way and looking for someone new. It's like a sport...or any other kind of activity that you really have to dedicate yourself to to make it work. However, I realize that the analogy doesn't work for everyone -- just voicing my views.

 

And back to the original question...life is a funny thing, so it's entirely possible to have an ex thrown back into your life. It seems like usually it's at the strangest possible moment, too...

 

You break up for a reason. Plain and simple. The fact if MOST people do not get back together. Even if they do then they are at best at a 50%-50% chance of staying together. Its not about it being easier with a new person in fact its often harder. Heck you have to get to know a new person all over again. The numbers are just for fun, an illustration if you will.

 

My point is why would you put so much of YOUR time, effort emotions, into something with such a small payback? You wouldnt do it in any other areas of your life. Why would you focus on something that already didnt work out. Of course each case is different, but all to often people think their case is so special and so different when its really not. You broke up for a reason.

 

I guess if you wanted to do it for the learning experience okay then. But then the outcome of learning something out weights the effort put in.

[vlhs004]

i dont care what the statistics say . . .. if ur ex loves u . .. they will come back . . .. it u stay together then u were meant to be . . if not then u werent. . . ive seen it happen atleast 3 times in my own life . . . they break up for a few months . . maybe a year and then have gotten back together and now 2 of the 3 are engaged and the other couple is getting serious. I think sometimes people need time apart from each other and they need to date other people for them to realize that what they had is the best thing that ever happened to them . . . if u truly believe u are meant for each other . . then just give it time . . .if they love u they will eventually come back

[rnorth]

If you are curious about him after 3 months of NC, why not drop him a line just to see how he is doing?

 

Pride is often a big impediment to people in these circumstances. Unless you last contact was acrimonious, after 3 months to just call or write would not be a big deal. I once had a GF years ago who broke it off with me in April, I started NC in mid-May then out of the blue she called me in Aug. She was putting the moves on me and I realized that whatever spark I once felt for her was gone. But it was a good 3 months in between contact, so yeah, anything can happen.

 

Most importantly, if you do contact him and he doesn't seem to want to talk, has moved on, met someone else, will you be okay with that? If the answer is no, my suggestion is to just continue NC and your own personal healing.

[Wimpy]

I think sometimes people need time apart from each other and they need to date other people for them to realize that what they had is the best thing that ever happened to them . . . if u truly believe u are meant for each other . . then just give it time . . .if they love u they will eventually come back

 

Mmmm interesting. What though, if in the process of going off to "realise that what they had is the best thing that ever happened to them" they completely destroy you and break your heart? Do they have a "right" to expect to be able to eventually come back?

 

Maybe it's just me but I think I'd never trust them again.

 

I think back to the early days after my ex dumped me in an e-mail. All I wanted was for him to make contact and say "I'm so sorry I made a crazy mistake".... I wanted him to take responsiblity for the tremendous hurt he caused me not to mention everything else.

 

However, as time went by I began to realise that anyone who could be that cruel or heartless and do that was not someone to be trusted with something as precious as my heart for a second time.

 

Within the last week I have started dreaming about him - a most unwelcome development and something I've not done in the 16 months since we broke up. In all the dreams he's been trying to make contact of sorts but I am not interested in letting him back into my life. Since I had no proper closure on the whole thing I believe that these dreams are a way for my unconscious mind to work things out but it also shows me that I would not be willing to give him a second chance.

 

But in my situation I know him suffiicently well to realise that he will never get in touch again. As far as he's concerned he doesn't feel he did anything wrong so this whole reply is just idle speculation and me writing my thoughts.....

[vlhs004]

i know its a big risk but some people are willing to take the riskto make sure that they are the right person for them . .. but then if they realize that the person they left is the right person and go back to them and they wont take them back . . . then they will have to live with the consequences. .. . . its a huge risk but some people truly believe that everything works out for the best. . . . ive seen it happen b4 . . they break up for 6 monthsor so and get back together and they are happier than ever because they both know that they belong together . . . then yet again it depends on how you break up . . . if it was ugly . . .the dumpee might not be able to forgive the dumper or trust them . . .it is definetely not a risk i would want to take but some do and learn the hard way

[RayKay]

Just for myself, I never needed to leave someone to "see what else is out there" to know someone was right for me.

 

Nor would I feel very good about someone crawling back just because they did not "find better". What about when they find "better" a few years later? What about next time times get tough and they decide to bail again for the greener grass?

 

I know people whom got back together again too...even got married...and then broke up again..because something was never right all along. Most of the times I see the break up-make up thing it tends to be in those whom are younger or less experienced in relationships, though this is not exclusive to the younger ones either.

 

Once it's over, to me it's over. Even when my heart does not want to accept it at first, I know it. They broke that trust, and commitment to the relationship, in my mind...and going back from that is for me is not possible, not to degree I thought we had anyway...but we never really had I guess.

 

But that's just me. [-(

[Wimpy]

Even when my heart does not want to accept it at first, I know it

 

Yep I think that's absolutely correct and certainly was true for me too. Getting your heart to work in line with your head takes some practice!!! #-o

[tylercdurden2004]

And how! Couldnt say it better myself.

 

I am one who went back for a second helping of "heartbreak pudding." Sure we got back together but the same old poop popped up again. Its just very very unlikely to work out in the long run. Does happen but very very rarely no matter what your heart wants.

[reddog]

I am not very experienced in the relationship game, but I feel if the love you found was so great how is it possible not to want more? Yeah the breakup was rough and the two of you were not seeing eachother eye to eye on the relationship. But things happen so you can learn and work on the things that went wrong. It seams like you guys are for sure old problems will come up again. Things can work out and isn't that worth fighting for if it is so great?

[tylercdurden2004]

Here:

 

 

[vlhs004]

reddog . . . i couldnt agree more . . . .looks like me and you have a little bit of a different view on these things then everyone else . .. maybe its because im only 20 and am not very relationship experienced yet . .. who knows

[DarkRose]

I'm wondering do ex's come back after months, years?

 

Who knows? Some ex's will go back and some won't. If an ex is going to return, they could do it within a month, six months, a year or even years later. IMO, ex's only return, if they loved and cared about you enough to want to return. Some ex's will return to try and rekindle, others will simply return because they are curious about the lives that their past loves may be leading now.

 

I'm one of the few per cent who did have an ex return and after 10 years apart.

 

I want to think I've moved on but can you do so still thinking that person may come back? I mean, what are the chances an ex will come back?

 

There are no guarantees that an ex will return. This is why nobody should place their life on hold, on the offchance that an ex will return. You could be waiting around, for the rest of your life and life is far too short.

 

I never ever had any expectations that my ex would return after our split, nor did I live with the hopes that my ex would return. In fact I would've thought that there was more chance I'd win the lottery, than him show up again! We had a long relationship lasting several years way back all of those years ago and after we went our separate ways, I moved on, got married and had children. I'm now single and have been divorced for quite some time.

 

I had the opportunity not so long back, to go along and meet my ex after all of these years, however I decided not too and even though I consider him to be the 'love of my life'. I'm of the opinion that if something didn't work out a first time around, then it's highly unlikely that it will work a second time and I know for a fact and even after all of these years, that it just wouldn't have worked out.

 

I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing or not and I'm left with the 'what if's' and 'if only's'. But I did what I thought would be best for me in the long run, I protected my heart.

[tylercdurden2004]

I'm one of the few per cent who did have an ex return and after 10 years apart.

 

I think after 10 years apart things may have changed significantly enough to work out. A few months? Maybe if it was a moment of insanity, but the whole "I'll check out my options, oops its been 3 months and I dont like what I see I think I'll go back" variety I dont think work.

[DarkRose]

I think after 10 years apart things may have changed significantly enough to work out.

 

Hmm, I guess so. But believe me and in my situation, it wouldn't have worked. There were and there are things standing in the way of us being together, full time as a couple, things I don't want to go into, but let's just say I have morals.

[tylercdurden2004]

Hmm, I guess so. But believe me and in my situation, it wouldn't have worked. There were and there are things standing in the way of us being together, full time as a couple, things I don't want to go into, but let's just say I have morals.

No I understand you may have reasons I was more referring to people who might think an ex leaving for greener pastures is a good thing. Maybe sometimes it is generally its not.

[onmyownagain]

My wife and I,after nine years of marriage, split for three months (she ended it). Back home now for eight months (she asked for me to return). Successful? Ask me in ten years

 

One thing, the one who does the asking back seems to hand all the power to the other, which isn't something I would have expected when out there on my own again.