Dont know what to do,help me

[celene]

I was seeing this guy for three and a half months. I met him in DC and when we met both of knew that I was moving to Boston to start law school. Over the last three and a half months we grew extremely close. He would call me up everyday, txt me and want to meet me whenever he could. He introduced me to all his friends, even told his parents that we were seeing each other and then got an invite for me to his friends wedding. He went on a trip to Britain and got me a gold chain. I was hoping he would say that he wanted to continue to see me and that he would come and visit me in Boston and see where the relationship goes. However, on sunday when the topic came up he asked me whether I was looking to settle down and was looking for a commitment. I said I am not looking to marry anytime soon or start a family but yes I want a solid relationship. He then told me that he is really not into commitment right now since he doesnt know what he wants to do with his life and he is at this stage when he needs to figure out a lot of things. I was extremely hurt. I know its difficult to be in law school and have a long distance relationship but I was willing to work on it. However he wanted to stay in touch as "friends". I said I could not do that since if I kept in touch with him as a friend it would mean that I would want more and that I would hurt, so I moved to Boston on Monday and since then I havent contacted him. I said I would get in touch with him again only after I was truly over him and when I could be his friend again. He told me to whatever I was comfortable doing. Now I feel like I should be in tocuh with him and maybe he will change his mind, but I also know that this will hurt me and if I am his friend with feelings then I will always wonder what he's upto whether he likes someone, whether he met someone he might be really interested in etc!

I like him so much I wish he changed his mind! What should I do??

[NJRon]

I think you have done, and are doing, the right thing for you. You can't change his mind, only he can do that. If you struggle with him then it will just cause problems.

 

I think you stated what you needed, he accepted it. It probably isn't a good idea to contact him if you still hold on to trying to convince him to move.

 

When you don't care so much about the outcome would be a better time to talk to him.

[arwen]

It probably isn't a good idea to contact him if you still hold on to trying to convince him to move.

 

I agree with NJRon here. I think it's best to move on and start fresh in Boston. You will see, the change of environment, new people, a study to focus on, those are great ingredients for moving on. I understand you are hurt, I think maybe he came on too strong in the beginning, and started to pull back after a few months, realizing that the future of this relationship would be LDR. For LDR, you need more than 100% trust and commitment. It's very difficult. Seeing that you were together for just 3.5 months, I think that the prospect was a little bit too serious for him.

 

He reminds me a lot of a guy I saw for a couple of months. Except neither of us was moving, he first was so into me, really overwhelming, telling his parents, taking me to his friends, all in the first weeks. He soon became distant and said he wasn't really into a serious relationship after 2 months. I was as puzzled as you are now, but soon realized that he had run past himself in the first month. Taking things slow in the beginning is a way to avoid this, I think.

 

I think it's best to do No Contact. When are you moving to Boston? It's a great city from what I have heard, I am sure you'll enjoy it there

 

Ilse

[Beec]

Unless you feel you can have rare contact with him and be friends on occasion (which is your call), you did the right thing.

 

I don't know many relationships that survived three years of law school, over a distance. Two roommates did, but one was married at the start with his wife less than three hours away and him mkaing frequent trips to see her; the other got married before the last year and his wife was never more than a few hours away. Most others did not. The ones that did were long-standing.

 

If you hang on to some slight contact, you have a chance of reviving things, but you cannot do that if you are very emotional and wondering about things, as you express.

[annie24]

I think you did the right thing. For whatever reason, he decided not to continue with the relationship. And I think you did the right thing by initiating no contact. And ironically, but the time you are totally 100% over him, you may not even feel an urge to call him up and say "hi."

 

Anyways, there is better out there for you in boston. just meet new people, find new friends, have fun. I bet you will forget about this guy in no time