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Simple question: How do you hob-nob?


sfboi415
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What's the secret to being good at it..whether you are at a fundraiser party or being introduced to a girl's friends? (who automatically assume that you're of less intelligence than they are until you prove them otherwise)

 

I have a party that I'm going to attend to and I believe that it's going to be very high-end..so much that I've focused on conversation topics that might be brought up at the party. But while I have collected a variety of information that I will talk about, I still don't have the skills to build rapport between me and the people I'm going to talk to. How do you do that? It's important because I realize many individuals have made many powerful friends/associates due to the power of their voice. One positive thing leads to another positive thing and suddenly you've got permission to display your artwork at a high-end studio or you're now working as an intern at the company of your dreams.

 

How do you guys do it? Are there any books, besides Carnegie's "How To Influence People?" Thanks.

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I can't say i have ever "hob nobbed"....sounds kind of pretentious to me to be honest. I don't think you neccessarily need to do a lot of "talking" to fit in per se. I think "listening" is a lost art. Be attentive, make eye contact and try to remember peoples names. If someone asks you a question about a certain subject..try to engage with them...but don;t try to act "hoity toity" simply because you are at a "high end" event. Observe other people while you're there..and note how THEY are socializing. You might notice they are as nervous as you are....

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You know what? it doesnt matter if you are at a backyard bbq or a society event it comes down to one thing......Confidence. I have been to all sorts of parties talking with those who make minimum wage to the CEO they all are human. Yes money does separate worlds but you don't have to "study" on certain things. It makes one look fake and people who really know about those subjects will see right through you.

Just be yourself and be how you would if you were around your friends. (dont get silly drunk and say silly things) but have a sense of humor. People who have gained status have come from somewhere too.

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Eye contact, talk about what you do know, try not to speculate or make broad statements. If you don't know the people try not to be too opinionated, you don't want to start an argument about some super controversial topic at a dinner party if you're not a big name. Follow the example of the more experienced people, use your eyes and your ears. Observation is very helpful and can be key to finding out how to relate to people and get them to notice you.

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Don't feel the need to impress people. That sticks out like a sore thumb.

I've had some intesting chats with strangers at parties and eventually discovered they were celebrities, but they were so unassuming they were ignored by the crowd. I just try to yak with folks until someone has a common interest.

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I agree with the others, especially Lady Bugg "listening is a lost art", and Elektrahere, "Confidence" Carnelian butterfly "eye contact" These are all extremely important when meeting people, especialy at a work function or one og high importance as you mention.

 

Listening and observing are incredibly important, it is why we have two ears and one mouth, listening is twice as hard to do. The better listener you are the more people will want to talk with you, you will know what to say when it is your turn to speak, because you have heard and understood what they said. people of all walks of life love to be heard. Perhaps you can pick up som ebooks on body lanuage, and how to read it, another invaluable tool for meeting and getting to know people.

 

Best of luck.

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If you are talking to someone about something you have no idea about, simply ask them to elaborate on something they just said.

For example (talking to someone about basketball)

 

Him (knows alot about basketball: So how about them Knicks?

Me (who has no idea about basketball): Yeh how bout them. What do you think?

Him: Oh theyre so stupid... Isaih Thomas is a tard who has stuffed them up.

Me: What do you think is his worst move?

Him: Probably trading a massive expiring contract for Francis, who obviously wont be able to play with Marbury since theyre both shoot first point guards.

Me: Yeh how bout that... what was so good about the expiring contract?

Him: Well Knicks are already like $100m over the salary cap and they have no hope of getting back under it if they keep trading expiring deals for bloated contracts.

Me: Any other teams way over the cap?

 

Without really knowing anything, its easy to keep a conversation going just by asking them about what they said In general, people LOVE to talk about what they know alot about and will not give it a second thought that you *seem* to know nothing (even though it will probably seem obvious to you) and will most likely think you are actually interested in the subject.

 

Hopefully that made sense...

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