Flake

[a2000]

I went out twice with this guy and then I cancelled a date without saying why. I know its bad but I wasn't sure what to do at the time.

I explained later that I was confused by my feelings for him.

We went out once more and then made plans for another date. This time he cancelled the night before, without saying why and to this day has never explained why.

Then we made plans for another time and in the morning he said he was sorry but he had to give his brother a lift to the airport so couldn't make it.

Then we set another date and in the afternoon before the evening we were meant to go out, he said he was at his aunt's house and wouldn't get back on time.

Do you think I set the standard for his flakiness?

He wants to go out next week. I don't know if he is seeing other people, we are not exclusive and have not been intimate.

Shall I say I can go and then just wait for him to cancel at the last minute again? Shall I confront him about it?

[RayKay]

I would say after three times of him "flaking out" it's time to just move on honestly. I can understand having to reschedule one time, but when it becomes a pattern, it kinda sets a precendent. If he is this flaky this early on while on his "best behaviour" I would hate to see it later.

 

Okay, so you "flaked" once, but at least you explained yourself, and have not done so since. He on the other hand....well, just sounds like excuses to me at this point.

[Day_Walker]

After flaking that many times I would say that its time to move on. No need to confront him about it as it wont really solve anything.

[NJRon]

I don't think you set the standard. You flaked, but explained and it was an acceptable explanation. He's doing it now repeatedly. More than likely that's just the way he is.

[a2000]

Thank you for your advice

I too feel its time to move on but he sent me a text message asking me which days I am free next week. What shall I say? I did actually like him before all this flaking..

It wouldn't really be a problem but I am going to see him next year at university because he is in my class. I don't want it to get awkward.

[shes2smart]

If it was me, I'd figure if someone didn't have enough time and/or time management skills to set a date and stick to it, they probably didn't have enough time for a relationship, either.

 

I understand that sometimes things come up, however, if someone's living their life in that 'wait-until-the-last-minute' or 'I'll-say-I-will-but-if-I-don't-feel-like-it-when-it's-time-I'll-just-cancel' pattern, that's personally not someone I'd want to deal with.

 

I think you may have shown that sort of behavior was ok when you cancelled a date with no explanation. (I understand you explained later...but not at the time you bailed) If I'm following your post right, he only started this last minute cancellation flakiness AFTER you bailed on a date.

 

Unless you are really, really, really, really, really interested in this guy, you might just want to chalk it up to experience and keep it in mind in the future when evaluating someone else's behavior.....and your own.

[Batya33]

Either go with the understanding that he is not a reliable person and accept that about him or respond "thanks but I don't think we have enough in common to continue dating" (that is, you are reliable and he is not but that doesn't need to be said).

[a2000]

I remembered that the first time I met him, he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no so I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said "I don't have time"

 

Then we went out for the first time and we were getting kind of close and I said "I thought you didnt have time for a gf?" and he said "I can make time"

 

Well to be honest I have decided I should get out of the situation now. He only wants to see me when it suits him. I don't know how to tell him though! He is a charmer and I always fall for what he tells me.

[NJRon]

It sound slike you only had three dates so far. You can pretty much get away with saying it's just not working for you.