Suggestion?

[Frost271]

My ex broke it off in April after 4 years. We both kind of grew apart and it ended up happening and she ended up with another guy a few days after the breakup and we havent talked since. Yesterday my cousin tried to kill herself and she called my ex and my ex called me and we ended up spending the day together with my cousin. After the cousin thing blew over we spent some time together at her friends house as well as at my apartment just chillin and talking until about four in the morning. Half the day the conversation was about her being upset and pissed about the guy she was currently with, how they fight all the time, breakup every other day, how much he is a loser, no future, etc... We also did talk about the past but really didnt feel comfortable going their. We both had a really great time and everything just clicked. She didnt hint at us getting back together but that is all thats been in my head all day. MY problem is is that I'm going to see her again tonight. Now that we seem to be friends and ok to hang out, I just want to make sure that I wouldnt be crossing the line mentioning something about us giving it another round. I want to tell her how I still have alot of feelings towards her and that I'm still in love with her but I dont want to lose the fact that were friends again and on talking terms, so I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for me. Is this something I should hold off on until the time might be right or should it be now or never?

[Cooperstown]

I wouldn't rush into the that conversation of getting back together. I good way I found to preface the idea would be to discuss the past. Why did you grow apart? Were you unhappy together, clear the air, get everything in the open. Then if that happens talk about why you should get back together, what will be different this time around? Just be clear about what you want, and what you need and hear what she wants and needs and from there.

[heloladies21]

Address this asap because she's showing signs of just wanting to be friends with you (talking about her current bf). If you're interested in her, then it would be a bad idea to just stay friends with her because A) this tactic never works to get her back in situations like yours and B) you'll be preventing yourself from devoting the necessary attention to finding someone else and C) it would leave you hurt 100x worse in the end of you put in all this time only to find out she's not interested in you anymore.

 

So do yourself a favor, get it all out on the table and then you'll know where to proceed from there.

[itsallgrand]

Why not just tell her you still love her and want another go?

Then, back off. See if she dumps the 'loser' she's with and wants to be with you.

 

Whatever you do, don't sit and be available as a 'friend' who will listen to her complain about her new bf.

 

That is like showing 'i have no balls, i don't count, treat me like sh/t'.

 

Get your feelings out there and see how she feels. But don't get back with her until and unless she does the necessary actions - she has to want you too.

 

You can't be her friend right now - you still have other ideas. So there is nothing to lose.

 

good luck

[Poe]

Sorry I have to disagree, and Frost I can relate to what you're going through. My ex and I broke up almost 5 years ago, and I still think about her. I saw her just the other night, gave her some of her * * * * back I came accross... and I just wanted to shout out to her everything that I felt in my heart. But I know that I'm going to have to build this back up right if there's any chance. I don't want to emotionally overwhelm her and confuse her, hell thats what got me in this situation in the first place.

 

Being her friend doesn't mean you have no balls. Just don't let her put you in the friend zone... don't let her take you for granted or see you as predictable. Be around just often enough to satiate her curiosity. As long as you aren't put in the friend zone, sounds like you've got a good shot, as I hope I do too. But popping out of nowhere after a few years and then being like HEY LETS GET BACKTOGETHER will only bring trouble.

 

Keep in mind people change. She might not be the same person she was before... you are a different person as well. The new you might not like the new her, and might long for and miss the old her.

 

As long as you can emotionally brace your heart for whatever she can dish out... if a second chance is worth the possibility of going through all the heartbreak that you already went through with her... then go for it. I wish you luck with whatever you do. Regardless of what you do, don't rush it.

 

As for me... I'm going to force her to either break my heart again or get back out with me. Maybe I've gone crazy but I'm lusting for either... I need to lay this to rest.

[jaded4x5]

well here I go I will make this as short as posible....Ex and I broke up last summer ....I became a freak ,stalker, nut case,,, he saw some one else.. any way we got back together last August everything was going good until people who knew me & him became involved with our relationship,, They would start trouble between us but would only say things to me .. I tried to blow it off but finally insecurities started to get the best of me and I became exactly how I was in the past a freak nut insecure etc.. Anyway he has trust issues with me as well, I broke up with him yrs ago and he never lets me forget I was with someone else.. we are in a horrible circle he reacts badly to me out of hurt I react like a psycho out of fear he start fooling around .I need to break this cycle .he knows how I get so he feels secure enough to tell me to screw ,, How can I change my behavoir to realize I'm tired of these games! I want a happy secure relationship ,,,I love him to death but I feel we both are in destructive patterns,,, He is also the type that nc will make him think I am fooling around ,,, which will further piss him off even though he tells me to date,,, its his game actually I'm playing it with him.. I need help . How do I make him see I only want to feel secure .. P.s when we got back together I moved in a house RIGHT behind him on the same property I dont want to move I made a home here,, His family owns the property and they said they dont want me to move,,,, Also he Loves sport fishing,, his brother and him own the boat together...His brother took the month off of August to go fishing every day so lately he has been staying down the marina to asleep on the boat ...my insecurities and trust issues are a big problem](*,)

[Poe]

I find that trust is a decision you have to actually make. First consider if the person is worthy of your trust. Then, trust them. At some point you have to let go of your inhibitions and give them the space and freedom which defines trust.