Is using pornographic material cheating?

[Fair weather]

When does this (porn) become an addiction?When did it break down your relationship?

[RayKay]

When it interferes with your intimacy as a couple, it becomes a problem. This means interfering with your sex life, emotional health together, etc.

 

When your partner chooses porn over you, or makes it clear that they will put it above you.

 

For me however, porn as entertainment and as an occasional thing is not something I am bothered with personally. Though for some it seems to be a major point of contention.

[Fair weather]

I have enjoyed it with my bf and I enjoy reading erotica when the mood strikes but life (high risk pregnancy, brand new baby, were tired, working, other kids) keeps us from having as regular a sex life as were used to right now). But I feel a little intimidated by this void of intimacy and his new (or at least I think its new) addiction (seemingly daily). Moreso because he doesnt devulge his practices with me at all but Ive caught him peeking a couple times in the past week or so and before all of our life changes this seemed a lot more regular than admitted but I guess I didnt care because I wasnt feeling so fluffy, tired and isolated. He has said that he is still attracted to me and flirts sometimes we both try to be flirtatious its a common thing we share but...I just cant help feeling a little lonely when I nurturing the baby and imagine he's in a different part of the house viewing more attractive women and possibly getting to feel some physical relief I cant have or share.

 

I believe porn is good entertainment, but it takes away from the relationship at a certain point and Im just wondering when can it reasonably be considered abused.

[emptychipbag]

Porn isn't a guaranteed addiction. Simply doing something regularly is not an addiction. (this same thing is true about masturbation.) You can only cheat on a significant other with another person,.. not a video or magazine.

[Dako]

Good point, chipbag.

 

We need a 12 step MA program.

 

"My name's Dako, and I'm a compulsive wanker"

"Hello, Dako....."

[yeawutever]

When one of the partners becomes so obsess with it and not only does in interferes with the relation but also with the person's lifestyle, interpersonal relation and up to a point their health.

[Rabican]

Its cheating if your partner defines it as such. I dont care if my girl looked at porn, she says shes ok with me watching it.

 

I think if it starts taking her place (which it never will) then she would probably change her mind. But if shes sleeping, or not in the mood ill sometimes watch some porn and... ya know.

 

I think each relationship has its own boundaries on what is cheating and what is not. I think porn is ok because there is no other person involved... its pretty much just fantasy.

 

Talking dirty to another person... that crosses the line for me.

 

Being physically involved with another person.... duh

 

Becoming emotionally attached to another person... also cheating.

[Winniepooh]

I found out recently that my boyfriend has a sexual addiction - which he has been completely open and honest about, but it doesn't hurt any less.

 

It started with porn - as a means to get off. After a while that becomes a bit boring so you look to something else - sex phone lines, which are really expensive. So he ended up on the internet, which is free. He's been a member of numerous websites - most probably still is. He's used a webcam - really gets off on that one, having women watch.

 

He chats to women on line, on these sites, with a view to getting their numbers and calling them for phone sex. He can spend hours looking for his fix. Can literally masturbate for hours until he's sore.

 

I found out about his addiction when I noticed that he was spending a lot of time online and rarely speaking to me - I found a profile of his online which was active and this prompted me to check his phone (which I had never done before). I found a whole load of text messages between him and some girl he has met on line the night before and had had phone sex with.

 

He's joined Sexaholics Anonymous - the following the same 12 step programme as Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

Porn/masturbation can definitely be an addiction - and a very difficult one to kick. Unfortunately there isn't a lot of help for people with this kind of addiction - it's a lot more common than we think.

 

It's pretty sad to think that someone would prefer to masturbate alone than have a sexual relationship with another human being.

[Momene]

Well for the original question, I would define his behaviour as cheating.

[Winniepooh]

In this instance yes

[Luke Skywalker]

Of course it is cheating. And if you are not cheating someone, then you are cheating yourself if you do something that you know is wrong. Whenever you go against your own convictions, you are cheating yourself.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

After having used it, made it (!), then really sat down and thought about it, pornography is mind numbing, sexuality-cheapening rubbish.

 

Emily Has Spoken.

[Dako]

AL has a knack for cutting to the quick.

 

After becoming single, all the hoopla about porn here got be curious so I went in search of porn, and was richly rewarded by acres of fleshy jiggles. Tedious and depressing.

I prefer the porn in my own head.

[djbeasley]

I've got kind of mixed feelings about pornography... I cant say that I havent done it but the only circumstance I can see it being justified is if it is with your partner, or if they dont like that, that at least they know you are doing it. Obviously if it starts to affect your personal sex life with your partner, throw it out the window. The only reason I dont care for it is to me it seems kind of disrespectful if done behind her back... almost telling her she's not good enough for me. Very touchy subject and there are lots of little stipulations( at least in my mind). Good luck and dont let it get to the point of addiction. Really hard to turn back at that point.

[iwantyoutowantme]

i dont consider it cheating if my bf/gf likes porn i mean, i wont lose any sleep over it. "oh my GOD they like porn!"

nah its not a big deal to me.

but if it interferes with your sex life or relationship in general, then yeah thats not good.