so i was the other woman, i guess

[venus777]

so, i met a guy and we ended up hooking up, rather quickly, which i didn't want to do, tried not to do, but he was quite persistent. after the initial hook up, we ended up together quite frequently, and then he told me he had a girlfriend, was moving to be with her, she had moved away, was gone for two months almost, hadn't talked hardly at all and so on.

anyways, i don't know what to think about it all, the whole thing seemed way too easy for him for it to be the first time he cheated on her, but he insisted i was the only one he'd been with and that he didn't think she loved him, had been sad about it, and so on... before the week was up before he left he was professing his love to me and saying he wanted us to be together... he said i was more beautiful than her inside and out, cooler than her, that i liked to hang out with his friends while she didn't and so on. during the course of the week he treated me very kindly, we got along very well, BUT

he already had a ticket to oregon, where she is and at the end of the week left to be with her. he told me he'd call me in a couple of days, apparently he'd left his phone charger behind, cause his phone wasn't working and going straight to voice mail. we talked about four days after he left, he seemed the same, but he also seemed different, i knew he'd gotten back with her (after all, he was staying with her). quite odd, it was hard to feel it out on the phone and considering i don't know him or trust him.

i basically told him that i thought what he did to his girlfriend was no good, and how did he know i didn't have any sti's or anything? that he wasn't being good to her. he said he didn't want to talk about it, i told him i didn't want to talk to him anymore and said some mean things to him about how i didn't care about him and so on. (i was hurt and upset that he wasn't even digesting what i was saying)

he then said that he wasn't having a good time, that he felt horrible about what happened and thought about it every day, that he needed some time and wanted to be friends, but needed time.

now the thing is 1) i am not in love with him, i don't want to be with him, but i do want to be his friend because he is really a lot of fun, with time we could be platonic friends i'm sure, 2) i am friends with his friends, one of whom is friends with his girlfriend (who i haven't met). inevitably i'll probably talk with her. do you think if she asks if something happened between us, i should say anything? she very well might suspect it...

[RayKay]

In my opinion, he is untrustworthy.

 

I honestly don't care, or believe all that crap about his gf not loving him, and blah blah. If he was unhappy he could BREAK UP WITH HER. No one is forcing him to stay.

 

Guess how many cheaters tell their other woman they "don't sleep" with their wife anymore, don't get along, don't live together, blah blah. Guess then how many of their wives get pregnant (hmm by divine intervention?), buy new houses together, and whom have wives whom are completely devoted and unaware. That's the thing about cheaters...you can't believe a word they say because they are already being false in how they are living.

 

I really, really, don't think people whom get involved with people whom even say those things are really naive to it all either. To me, it does not matter if the most gorgeous man in the world came up, said he wanted to whisk me away and he was absolutely miserable in his marriage/relationship. He is another woman's man, and I think we all need to respect one another a bit more in this world. It shocks me how some people can be so careless about other people's relationships.

 

Don't be fooled into thinking you ARE the only one, or even that important in his life overall. All the signs of him moving quickly with you, professing his love, etc...all point to the fact he is not new to this.

 

And I do not see how, or why, you would be friends with someone whom has such low values.....and willingly cheated on his partner. Nor do I not foresee him just "not trying again" with you.

 

I am not trying to be hard on you, I just really want you to take maybe something positive from this.

 

And if you ever met her...no you don't tell her. I think she should find out...and I hope she does because she deserves to know what she is dealing with. But not from you.

[mystik]

I really, really, don't think people whom get involved with people whom even say those things are really naive to it all either. To me, it does not matter if the most gorgeous man in the world came up, said he wanted to whisk me away and he was absolutely miserable in his marriage/relationship. He is another woman's man, and I think we all need to respect one another a bit more in this world. It shocks me how some people can be so careless about other people's relationships.

 

I'm not trying to pick on you either, but I wholeheartedly agree with Raykay's comments above. You really have to put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes. You would never want to be in her position so why get involved in something that does put her in a situation where she is being cheated on? If it were really that bad, he would just leave her. I would never want to be cheated on and I cannot for the life of me really understand why someone would knowingly be the 'other woman" or "other man." What he is doing is no good but, neither is what you are too. I don't think you should continue to be friends with him because there are lots of other fun people out there who you could befriend. How can you really respect him as a person knowing he can cheat on someone who he supposedbly loves and is committed to? And if you did stay friends with him and you eventually saw her, wouldn't you feel guilty? I feel like it would be so fake to be nice to her face knowing what has happened... I only hope that she does somehow find out because she really does deserve to know what kind of a guy she is with.

[ElektraHere]

Sorry V,

 

I have to concur with RK and Mystic. He was probably no I take that back he was feeding you what you wanted to hear. I would chalk it up as a bad decision and move ahead with your life.

[Luck of the Irish]

with time we could be platonic friends i'm sure

 

How does this work? Not stereotyping, but women always try to cling on as friends. How does this work? It would be way too awkward. The guy would never look at you as a friend.

[venus777]

hmm.. i think you guys misunderstood a bit. 1) he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend right away. i can't remember when exactly he told me, but by the time he told me we'd already slept together. 2) i'm talking about telling her friend who is also my friend. i don't know the girl. 3) they'd been separated for two months when i got together with him, the way he first presented it to me was that he "had" this girlfriend (that was why he had the plane ticket to oregon), and later i gathered they were still together. 4) it's not for ME to feel bad about what he did. I was single. HE was the one that wasn't. I do feel bad for her, and when I was with him I asked him if he was gonna tell her. First he said he was, then he said he wasn't, then he said "it would have it's moment". So whatever, he is a jerk I guess, I don't know. I don't know. I guess I always fall for jerks.

[ElektraHere]

Regardless if he was single, split up, or on a "break," he is with her and not you. If he was truly not with her he wouldnt have moved. You got involved with someone who was obviously "playing the field." We all learn from each relationship. The lesson you learned from this is to ask a few more questions in regards to past relationships. When was the last one, how did it end, or is there a possibility you would want to reconnect.

 

Dont tell the friend its not your responsibility to inform her. He and only he alone holds that responsibility. Move on and know that any guy who moves to his g/f is NOT available.

[Rabican]

telling his gf will probably crash any friendship you may have with him.

 

that said, i think that he cheated on her with you shows a lack of character on his part.... maybe you need to pick better friends.

[ChrissyV]

Oh gosh. I would just steer clear of this guy. He'll be nothing but a headache. I can feel it in my bones!