he cheated one me- i'm devesatated

[anabanana]

my soon to be ex-husband and i separated in april. he moved out at the end of april and our agreement was not to date other people and work on things.

 

i get a letter from him a week later telling me he doesn't miss me, has no hope for our future, wants a seperation or divorce. i don't hear from him after that, nor does he contact me or do anything to back this letter up (pick up his stuff, start divorce proceedings, nothing). in the beginning of june, we meet up and have a great time. i asked him then if he had been hooking up wiuth other people and he said no. i foolishly believed him even though i had noticed he had been talking to this one girl alot. i figured they were just friends.

 

we continued to hang out and the initial excitemenst started wearing off. he started acting like a jerk and treating me badly again. i asked him several times if he had been hooking up with other people and he said no.

 

so things aren't going so well and we don't see each other for awhile. his sentiment was that he didn't really want to see me. but then in the beginning of july, i get a phone call from him about how much he loves and misses me. he starts taking me on dates. things are going well. i'd decided to move to california a few weeks back, so he wants us to date exclusively, etc. he helps me move my stuff to his parent's house, and while we're there i grabbed his work notebook tpo write down a number. on the first page of this notebook is a drawing he did of this woman he had been sleeping with... so then i read his journal. turns out he had been sleeping with her for awhile, and also had feelings for her... what kills me is that he continued to sleep with her after we started hooking up again, and they had unprotected sex... after i confronted him and asked him again if he had slept with anybody else, he said no. can you believe that? he went for a walk, and i had his dad drive me to the bus station. that was the last time i saw him. i filed divorce proceedings first thing on the following monday.

 

i just can't believe it. we lived together for 3 years. he also had a one night stand with this other woman... we spoke the day after i found out and he told me he met her in bar when he was drunk and they went to her place... i spoke with her and she said that they met at the bar, but went on a date a week later and went home to his new place to have sex. what a liar!!! i just can't believe it. he is so selfish! he said that he thought our agreement was that we could date other people as long as we didn't tell each other about it... funny that i don't remember that. oh, and neither one of them knew he was married. and he told the one night one that he was divorced.

 

i am completely devastated. i feel like someone has ripped my heart out... i can't stop obsessing about it. i actually think he may have been sleeping with that one girl before he even moved out in april... luckily i am moving cross-country and will never have to see him again, but it just hurts so much and i can't stop crying. he knew that sleeping with other people was the worst way he could hurt me, and that it would ruin all chances of reconciliation... i don't understand why he brought me back into the picture... i am so hurt... and you should have seen the vulgar things he had written in his diary... i just can't believe i misjudged him that badly.

 

so yes, please, any support or advice or tips on how to heal and move on would be greatly appreciated. i would like to hear from people who have gone through something like this... and for anyone else with kind or encouraging words.

[Fisch]

Hugs for you anabanana! Im so sorry about what has been done to you. I dont want to go cursing off your ex because I dont know how it would make you feel, but know that I want to. Some people just have no honor, as if they never learned to treat others the way they want to be treated. I know that things will pick up for you if not soon, then sometime. Don't be discouraged, now is the time in your life where you can focus on yourself. Good luck girl, I am rooting for you.

[coolchick]

I am so sorry to read your story I cant imagine the way that you're feeling just now but i want you to know that you sound like an amazing woman who deserves to be treated with love and respect. I know that these words wont help your pain just now but you are so much stronger than you realise. Can you imagine living and being with him whilst he was doing this with other girls behind your back? Now you have a fresh start, get completely away from this waste of space and you're the one who is going to be so much happier. This guy will drift from person to person, cold physical one night stands....and thats it. Thats where it stops for him. No love, no close family to come home to or someone to love him. He'll be purely a loser who will have no one apart from nights out.

 

Think about you. You're the amazing woman, the person who has filed for divorce, realised that you DO NOT deserve to be treated like this. Someone is going to love you more than anything on this earth and do anything for you. You've got a whole future ahead of you and so much happiness to come. Just you wait

[Beec]

Sorry to hear about this. You're angry and have a right to be angry. He cheated on and lied to you.

 

Please know that how he has acted is not how you love someone. When you lvoe someone, you act in their best interest, and you hope for the best for them. That's not what he has done.

[onceandagain]

I am sorry that this has happened to you. I know it is hard, but you cannot punish yourself by continuing to ask the "whats" and "ifs". He was a liar, is a liar, and you will probably never get the whole truth. I am very sorry.

[randiandriien]

Well, this must be a horrible mess for you. First I have to say I'm so sorry. Second, I have to say...you are very strong. After you confonted him, you decided it was time to leave and you did just that. Hopefully the distance will help you...out of sight out of mind! Not completely out of mind I'm sure, but it's a start. I hope that you continue to stay strong. He is not a good person and you are going to be much better off without a liar who likes to play with your mind. Good luck!

[coollady1957]

I went through a similar type situation with a cheating boyfriend. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I can understand how hurt and devastated you must be.

 

You have done the right thing by divorcing him, Let him go and live his life. Don't let him keep stringing you along anymore with the "l love yous and miss you.s ".

 

Keep telling yourself that you are better than this, and you deserve so much better for yourself in life. I truly can understand the heart break of having someone do this to you with the constant lies and cheating.

 

Time does allow you to learn to deal with it better. Once you move along with your life after the divorce is over, I feel you will be fine and you will become less and less obsessive about all the reasons why he did these things. I agree with the reply by another member, in that you will probably never get full honest answers from him about any of this. Take care.

[Sandra1607307423]

i am so sorry for you ..... its hard feelings no doubt. but believe me time will heal your broken heart ..... and you deserve better than this cheated man

 

i am feeling devesatated as well since my EX dumped me cruelly the somone who i loved more than anybody !!!

 

its hard hard ............ but i am sure one day i will get over it

 

leave him behind ..... and start your brand-new life.

 

he doesnt deserve your sorrow

[anabanana]

thanks everyoine for the encouraging words and advice.

 

what i am truggling with at this point is onctacting him. i am still in a complete state of shock- i mean, i have lost my husband and supposed best friend of 3 years... i keep wanting to write him e-mails or call and ask for details, or just go off on him and tell him how badly he has hurt me, or do something vinidctive to him...

 

i keep having these nightmares and am having a hard time getting a full night's sleep. i know i am better off without him, that this is really a blessing in disguise, but it's still really hard and i don't know where to project all my anger and disappointment and hurt if not at him...

[Beec]

If you need to project anger, you need to send it to him or something that's not alive. He deserves it, no one else. If you really need to get it out, find him and let it fly.