Love in the office?

[ealtman]

Hi,

 

I'm 35 years old and not yet married, and I would like to ask you all for some advice.

 

In my project group at work, there's a girl in her late 20's who I'm very interested in. But I'm afraid that making a move will disrupt my professional relations with her. I'm especially afraid of the awkwardness that would ensue if she rejects me, since I see her every day. Should I still go after her though?

 

I posted a poll on this at link removed - please answer it when you have the chance.

 

link removed

 

Thanks!

Emmanuel

[AwdreeHpburn]

Ealtman - welcome

 

I suggest not going for it until maybe after the project you're working on together is complete. Unless of course she is always in your group.

 

I do think it will disrupt the working environment as well as your professional realtionship.

 

Either wait til you get to know her better or until you are no longer working together is my advice.

[ElektraHere]

I would say that it is a real risk. Say she does accept and then you start going out and then break up. Not just a light break up but the full on BAD break up. You will have to face that person everyday.

 

In my opinion I would say no. Just leave it as a professional relationship. If you or her transfer to different depts then there is a possiblity. Otherwise just leave it be.

[Surreal_Desire]

ok, this is tricky stuff....if you feel confident enough in yourself that your relationship with her will not change professionally if you do some harmless flirting, then I'd say go for it. But if you feel that you like her more than that and that if she rejects you, then she may start acting weird or worse yet, show that you showed interested in her and/or asked her out, I would say reconsider it. In either case, move with great care and whatever you do, don't jeopardize your job or hers.

 

Good luck

[rms8]

I think there is nothing wrong with starting a relationship with someone you work with but you have to be very careful about it. Take your time and try and gauge how she feels about you. If she is nothing but polite and professional then it's best to not make any advancements. However, if you two flirt and seem to have more than just a co-workers' relationship, it might be worth the risk of asking her out. I definitely think you two could survive asking her for a date and her saying no. My advice is to wait and judge the situation and then ask her out for drinks or something very casually. As long as you don't come on too strong, I don't see it making working with her impossible if she rejects you.

[lonestar_80]

I would say do not do it. I did it and it did not work out. It is hard to avoid him and it is so awkward when we see each other.

 

I say take the advice of the older and wiser bunch.

[Karibo]

I say go for it, but wait and see how she relates to you first. I'm in a similar situation as you and im just seeing how it goes for the moment. My grandmother married a guy she worked with and they stayed together ever since!

[now_better]

i think it really depends on how mature, experience you and her are. for me, i would NEVER do that. i know i don't handle rejection very well (get depressed, etc) and there would be awkwardness that would affect my work. definitely take the working relationship you guys have to get to know her better and if the opportunity presents itself (she shifts to a different group/department, either one of you leaves the company), pounce on it.

[Xx7shadesRedxX]

i don't think there's anything wrong with trying to cultivate a relationship with a co-worker... however, you have to be very careful in keeping those two relationships separate... if you decide to make a move and something comes of it, do not discuss work on your personal time and do not discuss your personal life when you're at work... if you can manage to differentiate betwee the two, you ought to be fine.

[Johnathan]

We can all agree that if one of you leaves the company, go for it in a heartbeat. If you want to take a greater risk then go for it while you're coworkers. Maybe if it works and you guys hit it off, have a talk with her right off the bat and establish that no matter what happens between you guys, you need to be on good terms in the workplace and keep it professional.

 

Also, what exactly are your priorities with her? Dating? Something more serious? Or just f-buddies?

 

I've got a coworker I'm into who may also be into me and I'm holding out (we're both holding out considerably)...but I'm also considering exactly what I'd want with her and vise-versa...I know it's not an LTR

[Dako]

Not a smart thing to canoodle with a coworker.

It might end badly in marriage or even worse.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Canoodle with a co-worker? Cute....

 

But isn't it "Don't dip the pen in company ink"

 

or

 

"Don't poop in your own back yard..."

[Dako]

LOL!

Glad I repel female co-workers.

I have a knack.

[LadyJayne]

Emmanuel

 

Good luck