My husband has agreed to go the hospital

[sdblue]

Well, last night I had to call the police my husband took off into the woods and we weren't sure if he had anything on him that he could hurt hisself with. The police came and finally he came out and talked with them, he has agreed to let me take him to the hospital. His behavior goes from sitting on the back porch holding a gun, taking off in the middle of the night walking, to now going up in the woods. I have cried so much in the last 4 weeks, that I feel I cannot cry anymore, the last few days he crys and than he starts yelling at me. Than today when me and my daugther return from the store, he says that he will not cooperate with me on the divorce, that he will refuse to sign any papers, and the only way he would leave if If I threw him out of the house.

He has worn me down over the years to I feel like theres not much left of me anymore. ON top of everything else I'm having female problems, bleeding all the time, going to have to have a DNC if Birth control pills does not get meregulated.

This man says he deserves a second chance, he has put me through hell but claims he deserves a second chance. I love him but I'm not in love with him no more. He cheated 5 years ago and I found out only a little over a week ago, and done all kinds of things prior to the cheated that I forgave him for and went on to save my marriage. I just don't feel there is nothing left worth saving. He keeps yelling the kids, the house. This marriage is no longer healthy for me or our children. I can honestly say that I have tried to keep this marriage together. I have took care of him for the last 4 years due to him being disabled. It just feels like a nurturing kind of love, but not in love. Why can he just let me go in peace, I just want some peace and happiness, Am I really asking for too much???

Every time I get ready to take the kids somewhere he doesn't want me to leave??? Why is that.

[AwdreeHpburn]

sdblue -I think him going to the hospital is a good idea. I'm sure the past four years have been really hard for him as well. Having to cope with being disabled and all. And now the one stable in his life, you, are asking for a divorce.

 

I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it or that he is your responsibility, just that it's been difficult for him as well and I'm sure that's why he wants you to stay.

 

I hope he finds some really good help in a hospital and that THAT will allow you to move on and find happiness.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Woah...this sounds like it could potentially be a very dangerous situation for you and your daughter...

 

Did you know that people who are suicidal are also more likely to commit murder? They are ready to throw it all away anyway. He might think if he can't have you no one can...

[AwdreeHpburn]

WOW!

 

Well, first things first. I hope you support his agreeing to getting help and when he's gone you can heal and move on with your life.

[lonestar_80]

Yes, he may hurt you or your daugther. There are people that kill their wife and kids b/c of a divorce. He needs to get help. You need to think about this very carfully b/c his actions can put you in danger.

[sdblue]

So, When you say be careful what do you mean exactly?? I'm supporting him going to the hospital in fact I'm the one taking him there. I love this person because he has been such a huge part of my life and of course he is the father of my children. But he has done so much through our marriage that I forgave. So, am I suppose to stay with him out of fear??? I just want him to get better for himself and our children. I wish no bad on him, only happiness. I'm a very loving and compassionate person.

[xprincessbugx]

My uncle killed himself the day he and my aunt were supposed to go to court to get a divorce. Just because he didn't want to live without her. He had been a drunk for years and stuff and she got fed up with it one day and kicked him out. The day they were supposed to go to court he shot himself in his truck in her driveway. She had a restraining order on him and everything. Scary situation.

[sdblue]

Bless her heart and I'm so sorry for your family, what a tragedy. What does some people think that your just suppose to take and take. But, I really am truly sorry for your aunt and your family.

[GH2001]

You have been given a bitter cup. How was your husband disabled? Could there still be some post trama that has not been acknowledged? How severe is the disabilbity?

 

Your husband needs professional help and it is good that you and he now realize this. He also needs to be dis-armed. Is there a way that you can do this without introducing a violent scene?

 

I agree with everyone else. Be VERY careful and watch him like a hawk until the professionals get him under control. Maybe a hospital stay for him would help both your spouse AND YOU get back to normal. Do you have insurance that will pay for such a stay? That can get very expensive and introduce additional problems.

 

You are the salt of the earth for taking it this long and you should be acknowledged for this. I think this shows your true strength and loving nature. You have the patience of Job.

[AwdreeHpburn]

ummmm.....yeh, I'm gonna go ahead and disagree......(with most of the replies)

 

sdblue - sounds to me like you've got a pretty good handle on the situation and i'm glad to hear you're supporting him checking into a hospital. Sounds like a fabulous start to the healing process for all of you.

[Tigris]

I suggest you hide the gun so that he can't get hold of it and put it somewhere safe in case you need it for self defence reasons.

 

It sounds like he's willing to try everything to get you to stay with him. I hope the hospital keeps him in there for a long time. Maybe he needs signing into a psychiatric hospital for a while?

 

Have you told his family what's happening with him?

 

Please take care of yourself and the children.

 

You know where I am if you need me.

[sdblue]

I have hid the gun. He is in a pshy. hospital. But he calls me everyday which is o.k. but the part I'm not o.k. with is this: he keeps saying things about us working it out and etc. I have done filed for divorce is he in denial or not accepting it.

I want him to learn to accept it, and quit talking about working it out. Believe this or not, I don't want to hurt him or cause him pain, even after everything he has put me through. And by him not accepting this, it is causing him hurt and pain. He is the father of my children and he has been a part of my life for over 20 years, and he will continue to be in my life, because we have 2 children.

But after much given thought about everything he has done, I have decide this marriage is no longer healthy for me or my children.

"This man wanted me to sleep with another man and let him watch" then you have all the other stuff I mentioned.

Does this sound like healthy to you all???

[Aurian]

No it does not. if you have had enough, then you have had enough. You shouldn't have to live in fear for yourself or your children. Its natural to care for the other person, but you need to care for yourseld too.

[Tigris]

As far as I can see the marriage broke down a long time ago and you stayed with him out of duty because he was ill and there was nobody else capable of caring for him.

 

You've got another chance at life now, take it while you're still young enough and it's there.

 

You mentioned his mother being at the hospital, why hasn't she been helping you with him before?

 

Anyway must go.

 

Love always,

 

Debs XXX

[sdblue]

Yes you are right. I'm going to live my life for me and my kids. Now his grandmother who raised him, called today. She had been to a funeral, and she was crying saying all she could do was imagine him laying there in that coffin. And why did his nerves have to be bad, she was really laying the guilt on thick.

Not only is he in denial, I guess she is too. I'm through, done. She acts like he has done no wrong. I told her that maybe his nerves wouldn't be bad right now if had not went around sticking his thing where it did not belong. Sorry guys for that comment, I'm just totally fed up. I have nerves too but I guess what I'm going through does not matter to her.

[Tigris]

What was her reaction to that?

[Aurian]

Unfortunately, family often side with their blood. She probably listens to his delusions. Hang in there, and don't worry about being frustrated - you have MORE than enough to deal with and every right to be!