Hyperia81 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 So over the coarse of this week a friend of mine went out with me and we met up with a former flame of mine which i was kinda interested in again. Well i really didnt tell her that i was interested in him but im sure she knew what was going on. She felt the urge to intervine and start flirting with him infront of me! The nerve, i know. So i played it off, didnt let my temper flare up. The night ended and she went home with him. I talked to her once since then but she seemed distant while we spoke momentarily, like she knew what she had done. I really dont think she deserves to remain my friend but i want to break off the frendship and make it very clear. How should i do it? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 She knew he was your old flame I assume? Her behavior was totally disrespectful towards you. I'd say that this girl is not you friend. Link to comment
DN Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Well i really didnt tell her that i was interested in him but im sure she knew what was going on How are you sure? Link to comment
Hyperia81 Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 I know her pretty well, shes catches on very quickly, and if my body language wasnt clear then she must have been blind. I was obviously paired off with him. Im positive she knew Link to comment
DN Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Could she not say the same about you though? Not to be argumentative but I am not sure why you feel you had any more right to try to attract him than she did. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Could she not say the same about you though? Not to be argumentative but I am not sure why you feel you had any more right to try to attract him than she did. Hello...It was her EX... I would certainly hope my true friends would never go home with my ex if we run into him.....isn't that a given?.... OP: Did she or did she not know that he was your ex flame? Yes or no. You said she knows you pretty well, so did she know? If not then, yes she may be in the rights to go home with him...not knowing that it would hurt you.... Link to comment
DN Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 There is a difference between an ex and a flame. Perhaps Hyperia would explain what the relationship actually was. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Yes, Hyperia tell... But still, DN, there have been some flames in my past that I was pretty into, and my friends knew it...and if they did that to me in that manner...that would end that friendship. Link to comment
Hyperia81 Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 We have a kinda unwritten law about ex's. We dont do it because it could lead to complications later on and its just something we dont do. I told her he was my ex and now that im single i was obviously in more then just a "Friend" stance with him, its something thats very clear in the dating scene where i live. Link to comment
Hyperia81 Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 He was a past relationship of mine, we dated for 8 months about 2 years ago. We had talked about him not too long ago Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 I say if she knew he was an ex - there was obvious body language going on between the exes and the friend stepped in, yeh - not cool. If the friend DIDN'T know, she may have taken the obvious flirting as a challenge as some girls do. If THAT is the case, still not cool. If I saw a friend flirting with a random guy, I would assume she liked him and back off. If this girl is completely oblivious to everything, then no foul. I think Hyperia needs to get to the bottom of it and find out what her friend knew, let her know HER thoughts and explain the EX thing. THEN, if the girlfriend continues to see the ex, get rid of them both. That's MY opinion.... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Well the friend knew all she needed to. I'd say if you're smart, she's now an ex friend. Also, don't bother mentioning to her why you've dumped her, because I can assure you she already knows. And also, because she will tell your ex flame that you were 'jealous', which will doubly wound you... Link to comment
Hyperia81 Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 I say if she knew he was an ex - there was obvious body language going on between the exes and the friend stepped in, yeh - not cool. If the friend DIDN'T know, she may have taken the obvious flirting as a challenge as some girls do. If THAT is the case, still not cool. If I saw a friend flirting with a random guy, I would assume she liked him and back off. If this girl is completely oblivious to everything, then no foul. I think Hyperia needs to get to the bottom of it and find out what her friend knew, let her know HER thoughts and explain the EX thing. THEN, if the girlfriend continues to see the ex, get rid of them both. That's MY opinion.... Well im sure shes not clueless to the matter because like i said, when i spoke to her she had a very cold way about her voice that she only puts on when shes done something wrong. She was very whatever about everything in the conversation and avoided anything having to do with the night Link to comment
shelly7 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 If she came to you and asked if you would mind, or even if she apologized for her behavior I might say all is fair in love and war. But, this girl is cold. She deserves nothing from you. Drop her, and be assured Karma will come for her, it always does. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Yeah, bad karma for that girl.... Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 right, if you're sure she was breaking the code, then she doesn't deserve your friendship, yeh? I say like Iamteddy said, just stop hanging out with her. She'll know why. No explanation needed. Link to comment
Hyperia81 Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 You all are right. I guess ill just forgive and drop her like a scorching hot potatoe. Thanks for all the great advice Link to comment
DN Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Just a hypothetical but suppose in ten years or so you found out that they were happily married and had two kids and in the meantime you had met and married the love of your life. What would you think of her actions in hindsight? Hypothetically, of course. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Still the way the 'friend' went about things was too uncool to consider a friend, regardless of the outcome. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Hm. I don't know. I have friends that have dated my exes, and it doesn't bother me that much. My personal feeling is that I don't get to call "dibs" on someone just because we dated and it didn't work out. Yes, it makes me a bit uncomfortable, but if they are right for each other, then I am happy for them. Exes are people too! They're not like a sweater you saw first at Banana Republic, and there is only one left. 8 months is a long time though.... why didn't you tell her you had feelings for him again? are you ready to let go of the friendship over this... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Hm. I don't know. I have friends that have dated my exes, and it doesn't bother me that much. My personal feeling is that I don't get to call "dibs" on someone just because we dated and it didn't work out. Yes, it makes me a bit uncomfortable, but if they are right for each other, then I am happy for them. Exes are people too! They're not like a sweater you saw first at Banana Republic, and there is only one left. 8 months is a long time though.... why didn't you tell her you had feelings for him again? are you ready to let go of the friendship over this... In her particular scenario, I think she clearly has a right to feel her friend stepped on her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 yeah, 8 months is a long time to date, and even though it was 2 years ago, 8 months is still 8 months.... who broke up with whom? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Just the way the 'friend' went about it, was highly uncool, and demonstrates someone I wouldn't turn my back on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 yeah, kind of just... sneaking off, not really asking permission... or at least talking about it with the friend, seeing how she would feel if she hooked up with her ex... I guess I have a different perspective on it because a while back, a friend and I ended our friendship over a similar situation. However, I wasn't "dating" the ex, we were just friends and co-workers. However, when she found out, she flipped! She had broken up with him, and had a new boyfriend, I was feeling kind of left out and lonely, and me and her ex just hung out as friends twice. when she found out, she was hysterical and angry, accusing me of being a "non-virtous" friend and all these crazy rants, and I told her that I was a grown adult, could do what I liked, and didn't like someone telling me who I can and can't hang out with. So, sorry for the sideways... just my perspective is that as a grown adult, I don't much appreciate being told who I am allowed to and not allowed to have as a friend. But in this case, the friend should have probably discussed things first with hyperia... so, now what? I wouldn't much trust this friend anymore either. are you going to keep talking to your ex? what are you going to do about your friend? confront her or just phase her out? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 It all depends on the situation. If I had a friend who was seriously hurt or heartbroken over a guy, and I knew it, then as a friend, I would not feel right about hanging out with that guy. But for instance, if she dumped him, and she said she didn't really care, then it would be different. Link to comment
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