Sex outside of a relationship.

[Ohso]

I need guidance.

 

What do people think about sex outside of a relationship?. If I were to sleep with a man knowing that there's no love between us and that he doesn't want a relationship in any way would that make me a bad person?.

 

I've only ever had sex with one person in my entire life, my first time was with my long term boyfriend and I ended up staying with him for years. Now that's over I've started to get back into the swing of being single and for the first time in years peple are making it obvious they'd like to hook up.

 

I know most people have a number of one off sexual encounters both before and inbetween relationships but that wasn't the case for me. My pure luck the first person I slept with turned out to be Mr right and not Mr right now.

 

Basically does me sleeping with this guy make me a . I do like him as a person, he's very sweet and cute and all that but there's no love there. In the past there's always been love, this time it's just lust.

[robowarrior]

If there's no love your relationship is meaningless, he might be cute and all but if its just emptyness between you then your just living for yourself. And that's not how a relationship should be.

 

So im raising a red flag here.

[KIDD]

It doesn't make you a but I would tread carefully with having sex outside of a relationship. Feelings can get involved on one side & I just really think it can turn out to be a messy with these type of situations. I'm not saying it will but it can.That happened to a friend of mines, she had a friends with benefits type deal with a guy & she ended up falling for him. He didn't feel the same way & she was the one ended up heartbroken. I really think sex is meant to be with a person you care about! That's just my opinion though. When you have sex, you share a special bond with this person. Both of you become apart of each other when you have sex..

[trueblue30]

I have to agree with KIDD on this one. I was involved with a guy where I thought it was leading to some sort of relationship and I fell for him. I've realized it was just a friends with benefits sort of thing. I had my heart broken and we can't even be friends without benefits now. This guy's out of my life now but I think about him everyday. Maybe you don't have the feelings but you have to be prepared that the other guy could fall for you. And once that happens it's incredibly difficult to just put those feelings aside. You're not a * * * * * or anything like that, so forget about that, but I would recommend having a chat with this guy if you're going to continue the friends with benefits. Make sure you're both clear that a relationship is not in the works. I hope this helps.

[Ohso]

It does

 

I'm undecided as yet, but I know full well that this guy isn't looking for love and commitment and anything that happens will probably be a one off. I do have to tread carefuly though because the last thing I need to do is develop feelings for him.

[UT]

To answer your question. No it wouldn't make you a bad person. I don't think males are biologically monogamous, I read that somewhere... Can't really remember. it's nothing wrong with being with different guy's. humans are one of the only animals that has sex for pleasure.

 

Even though there's really nothing wrong with hook ups I'd recommend there being love in it. However. whatever you do (probably hook up lol) don't forget luve and condoms.. that's very importamt. and the lube should be watebased.. oil screwes up the condom.

[FoxLocke]

It depends upon the individual.

 

I don't ever want to sleep with someone that I don't plan on having a future with.

For me I would like a potential sex partner to be more than that. So I'm definitely not into sex for the thrill of it. Although it is tempting when some hot guy makes a pass...I would not go for it.

 

So you should do what YOU feel is best for you. Don't let anyone pressure you into something. Right now you are just out of a relationship. Maybe you should take sometime to just be on your own, and heal from the break up?

 

And if you do hook up make sure to have: condoms, lubrication, and play safe!

That is the main reason I fear random hook ups!

[Ohso]

I've spoken to him again since last night.

 

We discussed what it was we were thinking of doing, he being older has had more experiance and has more liberal views on sex than I might have. He said he doesn't sleep with just anyone, he has to like them first but that he's not actively looking for a relationship. I have already explained my recent break up to him but reminded him of it anyway.

 

His suggestion was to do what I wanted but to think it over carefully as he doesn't want to hurt me be indirectly or otherwise.

 

I have given it more thought, I understant totally what it is that's on offer and what this guy wants. I know what I want and what I will get out of it, it's just a matter of if I'm ready.

 

My last message to him was a question......could we meet up and have a drink or a bite to eat first. If after meeting him face to face and speeking to him for a hour or so I still wanted to then we could take things further.

 

No reply as yet.

[trueblue30]

I think you're doing the right thing in discussing it with this guy. At least you know where you both stand. Good for you! And don't feel bad for feeling this way. As long as your honest and open with yourself (and your partner) it should be ok. Good luck

[Tigris]

If you're looking for love then you won't find it in hook ups, however, if you're looking for a quick fix then that's what you'll get.

 

Please be careful.

[Ohso]

I spoke to him again today and we talked a little more about it. He again said that he likes me, finds me attractive and would like very much to "get dirty" with me. He thought the idea of us having a bite to eat first was a good idea as it would give me the chance to back out. He even said he wouldn't be offended if I did and that it wouldn't affect the friendship we have built up either way.

 

His final word was for me to wait a week and think it over.