My Tough "NC" Question (long)

[mikeca]

Well I'm just gonna let whats on my mind flow out so here goes.

 

Background Info

 

So lately I've been thinking back to last few days of the relationship, we were in VanCity. We went out one night to have dinner with a old close friend of hers that she hasn't seen in a long time, under a time restraint. I wanted to see my first Canucks game early so I could catch a few photos of them skating around. So were at dinner and its coming up to about an hour before game time usually a good time to go...I dont say anything..they keep talking catching up...time rolls on and still I say nothing waiting for her to initiate leaving to the game. At this point I felt it would be rude to stop two former best friends from talking while its the only chance there gonna get.

 

Finally the friend says something and we part ways so me and my gf are on our way to the game. We arrive about 10-15minutes before game time, just in time for me to snap 2 pics of the 'nobody's leaving the ice. So I wasnt too happy and I let her know; "I'm so disappointed this was the one thing I wanted the entire trip and now we've missed it'' I said that over the course of the night, she apologized and I after looking in those lovely hazel eyes later said it didnt matter.

 

So as I said I was thinking back to that moment...about a week before the breakup and I noticed a pattern from me. and it hit me like a revelation, I never spoke up when I was mad/wanted something/etc. I never communicated it to her as well as I should've. Everytime I'd be upset about something, I'd look in those eyes and just get lost. I would stop most fights before they even started because I was insecure to even get into them.

 

Which brings me to my thought process tonight. its about 3am and I'm not sleeping yet, works slowly approaching but its not the first thing on my mind. I've been in NC since I told her I couldnt settle for just friends on May 1st. Stayed strong throughout the entire time whether were both at my job/hers/clubs. Ive been trying to move on but inside I'm waiting for that email, whether its just a light hello, or something more. That spark that initiates contact and gets the ball rolling again. I've read SD71's story and saw that she initiated the contact, and then I read another (jenny_mcs) where the dumpee slowly starting re-introducing himself back into her life, show her the improvements he has been making. It got me thinking maybe my situation is the latter. I've also been thinking lately as crazy as this sounds but this breakup has been good for me in other ways, career wise; I'm applying to the RCMP, realizing some of my own relationship mistakes (needy and losing myself) and value the time that you do have.

 

So here I am, 3am and wondering now if NC has done its job, at about almost 3 months to bring me back to me. Its a tough decision and I'm split over what to do. I've seen people fail after initiating contact, maybe pushing there ex away forever. Part of me knows I should just keep on living and if it was meant to be she will find her way back somehow. But we all know NC is not for getting you ex back its for getting yourself back to be a better position for a chance at reconciling. And from that we all know that eventually NC must be broken. So lets hear some thoughts. I have not made up my mind but to me the initial contact would be a "coffee sometime" kinda deal.

 

I'm smiling right now so that can be a good sign, maybe I'll sleep now that this is off my chest.

[bobo85]

keep NC until you dont even care if you see her anymore. If you even get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about seeing your ex just keep NC until you dont even care.

[crvers]

Your correct that NC eventually will be broken. Its up to you to decide if your ready for it.

 

At the end of the day you have to judge if you have the strength to face anything that comes from trying to contact her. You also need to ask yourself the question of whether or not your over her, since you could be lining yourself up for a fall when you try.

 

I myself have been toiling the thoughts of giving up the past relationship, leave hard feelings, and move forward and try friendship. My situation is a little different, but the feelings are still the same. Unfortunately I know I am not ready because of the way I answer certain questions

 

- Am I over her?

- Can I see her with her new boyfriend and does that bother me?

- What if she rejects the idea?

- How much of a knob did I come accross during the breakup and how can I come back from that?

- Have I moved on with my life enough to know it doesn't matter if she doesn't become apart of it again.

- Can I handle seeing her in person/hear her voice on the phone?...etc.

 

If you feel that you have moved on and are willing to take the chance of possibly be hurt when you try to reconnect. Then proceed, but with caution. I personally believe that the final test of knowing whether your over someone is how you react when you see them for the first time after NC has been broken. How you feel at the end will let you know.

 

Many of the threads you read where "re-introducing" yourself back into someone's life to prove you've changed are rare and far and few between. Yes their can always be a possibility of "winning" someone back. But taking the friendship card under false pre-tenses can slow the healing process and prolong you unhappiness if it doesn't work out.