Me, Her, and her Stalker...

[HellFrost666]

The subject line pretty much sums it up...

 

Las October my girlfriend, J (not her first initial) and a friend of hers were hanging out at a coffee shop when this other girl, M, started talking to them both. M said she was new in town and didn't know anyone. J, being a very friendly person, sympathized and gave M her number.

 

M invited J and her friend to a "housewarming party" a week later. So they got there, and all it is is M and her Mom painting the living room. M told them both to "grab a roller and get to work. J went and sat down in the corner of the room. This was her way of saying "Screw you, I'm not painting your house." without coming right out and saying it. She also told me these people lived like absolute pigs. There was garbage everywhere, food dumped on the carpet, empty cans and cigarette butts all over the place, etc.

 

J had already invited M to the Halloween party she was throwing. In the next few weeks to follow, M got obsessive with J. She was calling sometimes three times a day, sending e-mails constantly (and then getting mad when J didn't always reply. There was one night I remember when she called 4 times...

 

So at the Halloween Party, J took M off alone to tell her she was getting uncomfortable with this. M threw a fit. She stormed through the kitchen crying and telling J to "shove it up your ***" I remember this pretty vividly because in her dramatic exit she ran right into me and made me spill my drink.

 

So now it's all these months later, and M still is not letting go. She sends J e-mails saying things like "You know I was only nice to you because I felt sorry for you." and "I guess that's what I get for being caring." But lately we are getting worried. Her messages have become much more cryptic. She writes things like "Don't worry, I'll teach you a lesson for humiliating me at your party."

 

M lives by one of J's co-workers and is always asking this co-worker what J is doing. J get's calls late at night where no one says anything, and the number doesn't come up on caller ID. And on more then one occasion she has been walking to work and M has driven by and honked. M has also said some pretty nasty things about J around town. She is stupid enough to say these things to people that we know, so it all gets back to either J or me.

 

J is throwing a party here in a few weeks. We know that M is planning on crashing it. As far as how we know, that's another story in itself.

 

Neither of us know really how to handle this. I don't think the cops would even take us seriously if we called them. And we are really hoping she doesn't have the nerve to show up at the party.

 

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[RuS525]

Ok this psycho women is obviously gettin on your nerves you need to do something about it if she threatens you in anyway like killing or something like that save the email and send it to the police and you can get a restraining order or even bring her to court if j keeps getting calls at night use *69 and you will get the number that just called you even if it is blocked on caller i.d from the way it sounds this chick crazy just try your best to get some evidence so you can at least get a restraining order on her

[Dako]

I'd go to J's party and watch for M's arrival, then call the cops.

Pretty crappy thing to have to do, but at least in my part of the world, the cops need an incident in order to overreact.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Hire a bouncer or something for the party and give him a good description of this weirdo. If she comes to the party uninvited then she's trespassing and you can call the police. Restrain her, call the cops and press charges. If she does anything write it down with date and times, like the phone calls keep a pad and pencil by the phone. Have your GF save all the emails and keep them so you have them as evidence if you need to get a restraining order.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Man, that's messed up!

[Cadence308]

M sounds psycho. It sounds like she's in love with your girlfriend, J. The whole situation was weird starting with telling people she's having a housewarming party and then when they show up, there's no party at all. I think it would be a good idea to get a bouncer for this party. That way he can keep her in check and call the cops if she shows up. This can only get weirder and more violent.

 

I saw on a crime show where this older lesbian broke it off with the younger one because she felt they weren't compatible. (A little different from your situation, but they only went out a few times). The younger lesbian wouldn't take the rejection and started doing similar things like what M is doing to your girlfriend. However, it only escalated and for the longest time the older lesbian felt bad for the younger one. When the older one would change her #, the younger one managed to get it. The younger one would sneak into her house when she was gone and shower in her house, etc. One night the younger one showed up with a gun when the older one had a friend visiting. Eventually the cops came and arrested the younger lesbian. Turns out, she was living in the crawl space beneath the house of the older one. She was tapping her phone to get her #s when she would change her phone #, and she was listening to her calls and could hear whatever plans the older one was making, etc.

 

All I'm saying is that M is out of line here and things are going to get worse unless you do something. A restraining order would be great if you can get one. Document every incident that you or J have with M, every drive by, every phonecall, email, etc. You may need to prove this. I would document the day, time, and specifics of what happened and who was there.

 

GL!

[HellFrost666]

That lesbian story was unsettling. It makes me want to go down and check the crawlspace.

 

I guess I should fess up. The reason we know she is planning on crashing the party-- I went on Yahoo Messanger and asked her. I never lied to her about who I was, she was just too stupid to put it together. I basically IMed her and said "Hey I think I met you at *girlfriend's name's* party last year. Are you going to the one she's having in two weeks?" SHe told me she is going and that J invited her and they are really good friends. I know this was imature of me to do this. That's why I left it out of my original post. If we have to call the cops she might use that against me (if she ever figures out it was me.)

 

J and I were talking earlier today about this. She suggested just inviting M outright. Maybe if M thinks she's wanted there she won't try anything stupid. BUt we both realise this is just a quick fix. It will just make things worse later on.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hell frost It was kinda dumb of you to do that....

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I think this is like Fatal Attraction, minus the affair. It's scary.

 

I think you need to get a restraining order on this chick. Then, if she pulls anymore , you can call the cops and get her hauled off.

[confused25]

Man if I were you I'd not let your girlfriend go anywhere alone in case this psycho shows up and does harm to her!!

[Hope75]

Print the emails, especially the threatening ones, and record any voicemails from this M. Then take them all down to the police station and file a stay away order. If she crashes the party, call the police.

 

She needs to know how serious what she is doing really is.

[Cadence308]

I'm wondering what happened with the psycho. Did she crash the party? What have you and your gf decided to do about her?

[HellFrost666]

I've been meaning to post an update on this for a week now, sorry.

 

Yes, she came to the party. She tagged along with someone who was actually invited. (Don't ask me how that happened, I don't know.) I asked my girlfriend if she wanted me to ask M to leave. She told me M could stay as long as she didn't start any trouble. But my gf avoided her accept for when she first got there.

 

At one point I was in the kitchen getting a drink all by myself and M walked in. She said "I'm feeling a lot better now."

 

I said "How so?"

 

She said "I had a breast reduction two months ago." I have no idea why this was relevent or why she would be telling me this. Like I care if she had a breast reduction...

 

But, J and I could only expect some trouble before the night was through. M started preaching at someone for lighting a cigarette. This turned into a little argument. So J told her to leave. M started throwing her little fit. It ended with M leaving in a huff, and J telling her that the next time she contacts her the cops will be called.

 

So far we haven't heard or seen anything for M. MAybe this is the end of it.

[Siriana]

Save all the emails she's sending - especcially those that contain treaths. Note all the calls that were made even without caller ID. It could benefit you if you decide to go to the police. You never know.

Also I really think it would be a good idea to go to police eventough you think that it is not the best solution. If you were really upfront and consistent in sending this girl a message that she is not desired as a friend of yours, than you can report her.

Your gf should change her phone number and e-mail adress.

Calling this person on a party as a quick fix is a really bad idea. It will prolong you agony and it would be giving her false hopes. It sends a message you are not firm in your attitudes toward her.

Inform yourself on the net about it. I guess there is a lot of advice how to proceed without making this person angry in the extent she could be dangerous and how to remove yourself from the situation.

 

And a good lesson to be learned for your gf: don't be really friendly toward the people you don't know, than avoid giving your cell number away just like that, and the most important thing - if someone complains that he or she doesn't have any friends that is a huge red flag.

 

 

I had to add something, because I wrote my post after I noticed your last one. She told you that on a party because she wanted to grab attention. She is attention seeking person. She tried to manipulate you into having some sympathy. And if that doesn't work, maybe beeing angry will.

 

I hope that this is the end, but somehow I doubt it - except if she hasn'f find someone new to concentrate on.