I can't heal.

[BeatleJon]

I've been without my girlfriend for about 3 months and I've now come to the conclusion I can not heal. I've tried NC but, I think that only works for people that have friends. I dont have any friends and I'm all alone in this battle. I am going to a Psycologist soon to see if I can get some help and some happy pills. I've never been so depressed in my life....this is a new low for me. I can not be happy. I just wrote her a long email telling her everything I feel. If I don't get a response, I am burning everything and being by myself for the rest of my life. I couldn't take another break-up.

 

[v81day]

You didn't say how long you had been with your ex-girlfriend. If you two were together fro a substantial amount of time, then 3 months isn't that long. It's good that you are going to see a doctor, at least you recognize that you are depressed, and this is a definite step in the right direction. No matter what, what you have to do now is focus on yourself, and on doing things that make you happy. If you don't have many friends, maybe you could join a club or groupg on your area so that you can be around people who have the same interests in you. The more you get out and socialize, the easier everything will become. Just remember that all of us go through breakups, they never get easier to deal with, but when you least expect it, someone phenomenal will come into your life (corny but true!) Take care!

[Roxari]

Honey you are only 23. Yes I know it feels like you have lived a lifetime and do not want to experience another heartbreak. Who says you will? Who says you won't? You cannot give up. You have your whole life ahead of you.

 

I am glad that you are seeking help if you feel you need it.

 

I am sorry to hear about your breakup and I am sorry that you have found yourself unable to heal at this point.

 

As for your e-mail to her and awaiting a response, what exactly are you expecting her to say?

[BeatleJon]

I was with my girfriend for 3 years and 4 months. She said her biggest fear was to lose me and guess what...........She ended it. I just don't want to live everyday like this. I cant take it. I talked to her severl times and she has seemed very nice and she still has me on her aol instant messager. I really just want her to say "We can work on this together" or "dont call me anymore". She is not giving me any answers.

Thank you,

Jon N.

[brando]

It is natural to feel this way after a break up, but you will get through it i promise you.

 

So i guess you know now what you need to do. Make some new friends. Find some hobbies that interest you and begin living for yourself. No more long winded emotional emails to your ex, write them but do not send them, write them hold on to them for a few days and re read it, make peace with what you have written and delete it, and never send it under any circumstance. You are only pouring salt on your already open wounds, and it hurts that much more.

 

Read the boards here, their are so many who have gone through what you are feeling right now and they survived, or are survivng it as we speak. Talk to others here if need be... you have come to a helpful place, with great folks who will lend an ear.

 

be well,

brando

[Daddy Bear]

Jon, it's good to hear that you're getting some real help. depression over a loss can be overwhelming sometimes without it.

 

i may get scalped by the 'anti-rebound squad' for this, but so what:

 

you know what REALLY helps you get over a mourned relationship?

 

your next one.

 

hang in there.

[Relationship Coach]

You can heal, you're just not healing as fast as you'd like! There's years of history and emotional attachment here, it just doesn't stop when you are told it's over. We all wish it were that easy but it's not. You are 23, giving up on this relationship sounds like the right choice but giving up on ever having another relationship, well that's just the pain talking. Forget about her and what she is doing, block her IM and focus on you and you alone. Don't send her any emails, it only makes you look weak and her stronger.

 

RC

[Russo]

About the non-healing part. I can relate. (yes I am still alive folks.)

 

Not having answers is a female dog. I've got answers....trust me, ignorance is bliss man.

 

oh, and remember.

 

anger is a gift. use it.

[friscodj]

I've been without my girlfriend for about 3 months and I've now come to the conclusion I can not heal. I've tried NC but, I think that only works for people that have friends. I dont have any friends and I'm all alone in this battle. I am going to a Psycologist soon to see if I can get some help and some happy pills. I've never been so depressed in my life....this is a new low for me. I can not be happy. I just wrote her a long email telling her everything I feel. If I don't get a response, I am burning everything and being by myself for the rest of my life. I couldn't take another break-up.

 

 

Hey BeatleJon-

 

A couple of thoughts here:

 

1) Three months post break-up. This thing is still pretty fresh. I've felt like it would never end either...but it does...

 

2) Seeing a therapist is a good idea...but

 

I would exhaust every other conceivable option to yield results before medicating. I am a believer in trying everything else first, getting tough with yourself and making it happen vs. taking the easy way out in the way of medication. You'll get a lot more out of this if you get through it on your own without meds. Plus you don't want to come away from this with a nice little addiction as an ancillary benefit either... Doctors are notorious for too readily prescribing meds to people I've seen...it's ridiculous...

[BeatleJon]

Thanks for your reply's guys and gals.

[tylercdurden2004]

I agree with Frisco about the meds. They only mask your issues and pain. I think you are on the rigfht track to some degree about never being in a relationship again. I say this because there is only one person you are guaranteed to live the rest of your life with and thats YOU. Until you get to a place where having a SO is for the most part irrelevant to your happiness you will constantly be banging your head against the wall.

 

Sure it gets harder as you get older in terms of the pressure to have a SO but your breakups usually get easier because you get pickier. Ever wonder why there is a 50% divorce rate, I see too many people pressuring themselves to "find" the right one instead of being happy with themselves and appreciating what they got.

 

The best way to get over a breakup really is to immerse yourself in things you enjoy doing and trying out new things. Building up all facets of your life is the best way to avoid disappointment in one facet. Use this time to make the most of it. As far as finding another relationship to sooth you. It may help but for myself the need to be with someone is outwieghed by the need to be with someone good so its never really made me feel better.

 

I am 4 months into a breakup an although I still think about her its more around the frustration I feel that we just arent on teh same page. Any amount of pain has been outweighed by the relief I felt/feel of not having her drag me down. Its really help me put into perspective whats important and what I need to be happy. And to be honest if I never find a girl taht I want to settle down wiht so be it, I've got a many other things I would liek to do with my life. But I know being a a good head space about life, things just fall into place.

[friscodj]

Bravo tylercdurden2004! =D> Great post ^

[iceman85]

BeatleJon the breakup is very hard for you obviouslly. I agree with those who say do all you can before you try and medicate. It sounds to me like your relationship with your girlfriend was pretty much your life. And now that its gone you find yourself with nothing.

 

I know how you feel because I neglected friends and was with my girlfriend all the time, when things were over it was so painful, its still painful today and I'm 2 months out.

 

Just try and make each day better than the one before, fill it with things you enjoy, read a good book, learn an instrument, buy a car and work on it. Things like that, that are fun and take your mind off of things. Do you have a job? You can meet lots of people at a job, or if your still in college. Good Luck