4 days NC - 57 to go.

[lovelynns]

Hi all. I've been writing on and off during my break up and no contact decision.

 

well we agreed on 2 months of NC and then go on a date to see where things go.

 

anyway, I understand how to get through NC - you just do it. no excuses. but if you're in love with this person and secretly hope he will come back to me. This is not healthy. I don't know how to stop having these thoughts.

 

the entire point of the NC is we broke up and then was acting like we were still dating and completely in love. I told him he needs time to figure out what he wants.

 

Any advice on how to move on when you still love them. I know that this NC is best that's why I have no intention on breaking it. However I need some encouraging words. Its only been 4 days and I have so many more to go.

 

thanks all

[robowarrior]

My advice is to replace your ex-bf with a new bf (once your ready of course) and move on with your life.

[blemished]

I don't agree. My advice is to live your life during these 2 months and use the time off to think about what you want in life, in a relationship, and if this person is right for you or not. That's great you set a date where you will speak again about things. That is much more than most of us get. 2 months is nothing-- it will fly by. Good luck!

[dontwantthis]

Just be prepared to be in this position again. If you are working very hard at NC, maybe when the 2 months comes along you should just continue the NC. I would hate for you to have progressed over the 2 months, then go out on the date, things not go your way and have to start again.

 

I only say this cuz it happened to my sister. Except her ex just agreed to them trying again after a month of being apart just to shut her up. He had no intentions of trying again, he told me himself.

[gaiden]

My advice is to replace your ex-bf with a new bf (once your ready of course) and move on with your life.

 

Yep, I second this. I'm assuming robo is a man, so coming from two men, definitely get out there and play the field if you have it in you.

 

I wouldn't ever tell a woman that I truly loved I think it's a good idea for us to stop talking and do whatever we want for two months. This is and of itself should be a red flag the size of texas for you.

[lovelynns]

He didn't tell me we needed two months. I did. We were going to do 3 or 4 but his Birthday is coming up in Sept so I decided mid sept wouldn't be bad. He agreed that it would be a good idea for us to think but he also told me it would be very difficult for him and he really didn't want to do it.

 

So even though he might have no intention on returning with me. I asked not him. I want him to decide. He told me the break up was because he's not sure if we are meant to get married - he said this was the biggest decision of his life and he needs tim to think. He finally told me this when I said NC is necessary.

 

So far I agree with the comment about taking the two months for myself.

 

Why do all the men - say I should get a new man? I don't need a man to fulfill me. I just love this man. A rebound would be all it could be. I was with this man for 2.5 years and am by no means wanting to use a man to fill the gap in my heart.

 

Thanks for the responces. any more advice?

[shelly7]

I wouldn't ever tell a woman that I truly loved I think it's a good idea for us to stop talking and do whatever we want for two months. This is and of itself should be a red flag the size of texas for you.

 

 

As much as I want to disagree, Gaiden is right. My ex an I are doing NC, and yeah I guess it's comforting that he wanted to leave a door open, but deep down I know what Gaiden said is true. I went through some denial, but the best way to get over someone is to find someone new. So yeah, that's what I'm going to do find someone new. My personal goal is that if my ex ever decides that he does want me back, hopefully by then, I won't want him. Good luck to you!

[gaiden]

He didn't tell me we needed two months. I did.

 

I never said HE said it, what I said was I wouldn't agree to it. Which is what he did. Honestly lovelynns, I'm not trying to be bitter just honest. When the relationship gets to the point where a break or breakup happens, it's usually about the time you should walk away. That's why breaks and breakups should never be done in haste, because the effects are permanent.

 

Why do all the men - say I should get a new man? I don't need a man to fulfill me. I just love this man. A rebound would be all it could be. I was with this man for 2.5 years and am by no means wanting to use a man to fill the gap in my heart.

 

I don't think anyone here is advocating rebounding, what we are trying to say is it's best if you just move on as if it IS over beacause most likely it is. No relationship is EVER the same once a break occurs.

[jman311]

I also want to add that I don't think it's fair to classify this as "standard no- contact", simply because you have a scheduled time to break it. That can easily allow hope to remain and you might deep down look forward to that time instead of assuming it's totally over and moving on.

 

Similarly for my situation, my ex left town a while after I initiated NC, and while she was gone, it was much easier. When I knew she was back in town, my feelings totally relapsed and I had a harder time with it. Not quite the same I guess ... but just my 2 cents...

[lovelynns]

Sorry. I didnt mean to be rude. I just misunderstood what you were saying about the rebounding comment.

 

Thanks for all the advice. I must say that moving on like it's over is the best. because that may definitely happen - who knows.

 

so I will start with that mindset. its over.

 

thanks for the comments

[JohnnyTable]

I don't think it is healthy to say, "Lets do NC for two months and then go on a date."

 

Things can change a lot in two months. One person might still want that date and the other may be with somebody else by then.

 

Personally I don't believe in setting out to do NC for some specified period of time. You do it as long as you need to.